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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23426209">Moving On</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeaGirl42/pseuds/TeaGirl42'>TeaGirl42</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Law &amp; Order: SVU</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Trauma, Description of Past Child Abuse and Violence, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Past Child Abuse, Pyrophobia, Resolved Sexual Tension, Therapy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 05:34:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>55,045</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23426209</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeaGirl42/pseuds/TeaGirl42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Barba works through some childhood traumas while staying with Olivia and Noah after a fire in his apartment building.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rafael Barba/Olivia Benson, Uncle Rafa &amp; Noah Porter-Benson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>104</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>221</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. On the Couch</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I think this is going to be my little lockdown project - a nice little domestic slow burn.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><div class="xcontrast">
  <p></p>
  <div>
    <p></p>
    <div>
      <p>After an early Monday morning meeting with Dodds, Olivia walked into the unit a little later than usual and heard Carisi chatting loudly to Rollins and Fin.</p>
      <p>"….Sleeping on the couch in his office. Seriously!" He laughed and shook his head with exasperation. "He's so damn stubborn, I offered him a bed at my place but he refused. He tried to claim that I would drive him crazy but I know he just didn't want to be a burden."</p>
      <p>"Could also have been because you <em>would</em> drive him crazy…" Rollins pointed out with a dry smirk as she swung a little in her chair.</p>
      <p>Carisi rolled his eyes, "He's basically homeless right now, I'm not that unbearable."</p>
      <p>"We only work with ya but I'd argue you 'ave potential..." Fin retorted dryly as Olivia walked over to join them.</p>
      <p>"Who is basically homeless?" She asked with a concerned frown.</p>
      <p>"There was a fire in Barba's building," Carisi explained succinctly and shrugged.</p>
      <p>Olivia was immediately on alert as her heart sped up a little. "A fire? Is Barba okay?"</p>
      <p>"Sure, he's fine…seems it's mostly smoke damage, but he's out of his place for a while and…" Carisi started but then Olivia filled in the rest from what she had already overheard.</p>
      <p>"Why on earth is he sleeping in his office? I'm sure he could afford a hotel room," Olivia pointed out.</p>
      <p>Carisi shrugged, "No doubt...but he told me he doesn't like hotels and that for now, the office will do. He's being a real ass about it so I'm not going to…"</p>
      <p>Olivia sighed with frustration and turned back toward the door, "If you need me I'll be on my cell, should be back by lunch." She held her hand up and waved as she walked out and Fin grinned at Carisi.</p>
      <p>"Barba's about ta get schooled the Benson way!" He laughed and Carisi and Rollins smiled at the figure of their departing lieutenant as she strutted out of sight.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>Olivia walked straight through his anti-room with a nod and a polite smile to Barba's assistant - she was on a mission.</p>
      <p>Carmen held up her hand in a feeble attempt to stop her but then rolled her eyes and perfunctorily waved her through. It's not like she had a chance of hindering the lieutenant anyway, and in spite of his protests she knew that where Olivia Benson was concerned her boss basically had a tacit open door policy.</p>
      <p>Olivia walked straight in to find him working at his desk.</p>
      <p>Barba glanced up at her. He looked grouchy.</p>
      <p>"I'm sure I have an assistant who is meant to act as a defence against people just randomly wandering into my office," he said dryly and then looked back down at his work.</p>
      <p>"Well, I'm not just people…" Olivia pointed out and then glanced over at a pile of clothes and a holdall laying in the corner of the room.</p>
      <p>"No, you're not…" Barba acknowledged, "…you're decidedly more annoying than an average person."</p>
      <p>Olivia narrowed her eyes a little but continued undaunted, "When exactly were you planning on telling me that you had a fire in your building?"</p>
      <p>"I'm sorry, I didn't realise that I would be expected to file a report", Barba retorted dryly without looking up, he was still ostensibly focused on his work.</p>
      <p>"How long have you been sleeping in your office?" Olivia asked, completely ignoring his attitude.</p>
      <p>"Since my apartment took on the bouquet of a fourth of July cookout…" Barba sighed and looked up at her with unmistakable irritation. "Are you here solely to interrogate me about my sleeping arrangements?"</p>
      <p>"I'm here because I found out that my friend is sleeping on the couch in his office, refusing any help and basically being a pain in everyone's ass!" Olivia replied sharply and sat on a chair opposite his desk.</p>
      <p>Barba could see now that she was genuinely concerned and sighed. "Carisi is just being…<em>Carisi.</em> I'm fine," he maintained as he attempted to climb down from his high horse.</p>
      <p>Olivia arched an eyebrow, "And is there a reason you've decided that your couch is more comfortable than a bed in a hotel? You told Carisi that you hate hotels, but we both know that is not true…you're a great enthusiast of room service and those tiny yet ridiculously expensive bottles of scotch."</p>
      <p>He smiled reluctantly now and dropped his pen down onto the desk as he sat back in his chair and gave her his full attention. "This is really the only reason you're here?" He asked.</p>
      <p>Olivia rolled her eyes, "I know you find the concept confounding, Rafael, but you do actually have friends in your life who genuinely care about you."</p>
      <p>Barba closed his eyes, regretting how rude he'd been to her when she had arrived. He knew how much she cared for her team, so of course she'd come flying in wanting to solve everything.</p>
      <p>"I'm fine, Liv, honestly. A week or so and…" He started.</p>
      <p>"You aren't planning on staying in here for over a week?" Olivia looked understandably baffled.</p>
      <p>"I'm…" Barba started again.</p>
      <p>"Rafael, if you try to tell me you're fine one more time we're going to have words," Olivia cut in.</p>
      <p>"Didn't we already have words?" Barba's mouth turned up in a half-smile.</p>
      <p>"The fact that you think <em>that </em>was us having 'words' serves to prove that you've never really been on my bad side," Olivia smiled at him with affectionate amusement.</p>
      <p>He actually chuckled softly at that and then let out a long sigh. "I consider myself on notice," he conceded.</p>
      <p>Olivia turned and looked at his office couch, "You really won't stay in a hotel?"</p>
      <p>Barba was silent, not really wanting to admit the real reason that he'd been staying in his office.</p>
      <p>"Fine," Olivia stood and picked up his bag, "I'm holding this hostage until the end of the day, we can bring the rest of your stuff when you finish up."</p>
      <p>He shook his head, not understanding her.</p>
      <p>"I don't have a spare room but at least my couch folds out, I'm sure it's not what you're used to but it's definitely better than that thing," she nodded at the couch as she walked toward the door with his bag.</p>
      <p>"I am definitely not staying at your place!" Barba protested a little indignantly and stood up behind his desk.</p>
      <p>"Well," she nodded at the bag, "what I assume must be most of your smoke-free clothing seems to be coming with me, so I guess you'll have to decide whether you want to join them," Olivia paused by the door and smirked at him.</p>
      <p>"Liv, be practical, I can't…" he trailed off at her exasperated expression. "W-what about Noah?" He finally asked weakly.</p>
      <p>"Noah? Do you think having his Uncle Rafa come to stay won't be the coolest thing to happen in his life since you bought him that insanely complicated Lego set for his last birthday? A set, by the way, that you can step up and tackle with him as payment for your stay!" Olivia added.</p>
      <p>"Liv…" Barba tried to find a reason why he couldn't stay, but if he was honest he'd barely slept for two nights and right now the thought of staying in her familiar home sounded very tempting.</p>
      <p>"I should be finished by 6," Olivia told him and paused, waiting for him to either continue their debate or relent.</p>
      <p>"I…" he hesitated and then sighed before finally concluding, "…I'll be done by then as well."</p>
      <p>Olivia smiled, "Good, well I'll come by and we can go back to mine together."</p>
      <p>She turned to leave.</p>
      <p>"You can leave that bag," Barba nodded at the holdall still in her hand.</p>
      <p>She shook her head, "You're wily and this is my insurance policy - I'll see you a little after 6."</p>
      <p>As she left with his bag Barba couldn't help but smile reluctantly before returning to his work.</p>
      <p> </p>
      <p>
        <em>TBC…</em>
      </p>
      <p> </p>
    </div>
  </div>
</div>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. 24th February 1978</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>One night in Rafael's childhood...</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This includes descriptions of violence perpetrated upon a young boy, but I decided to include this brief flashback before moving on with the rest of the story to highlight some of the trauma that Barba is trying to work through.</p><p>This will be the only flashback chapter and is told completely from Rafael's POV, but this night will obviously be brought up again in later chapters so we will learn more about what actually happened and what followed from both Barba and Lucia.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>-x-x-x-x-x-X-X-X-x-x-x-x-x-</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>[Sidebar] 24th February 1978 - The Bronx, New York City</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>It was about 2 am on a crisp February morning when Rafael woke and winced in pain. He lay quietly for several long minutes, tears welling in his eyes as he thought back to the evening before. </em>
  <em>It had taken him at least a couple of hours until he had finally managed to go to sleep. However, when his mami had sneaked in to see him less than an hour after the violent run-in with his father, he had used all of his highly developed acting skills to pretend he was already sleeping.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>At eight-years-old, Rafael had already become tired of pretending that he was 'fine' and could not face dealing with the tears and self-recriminations of his well-meaning mother.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He sat up and looked around in the relative brightness of his small moonlit bedroom. Young Rafael had learned to rarely draw his curtains at night - lightbulbs attracted attention and he could usually get by without them if he was careful.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And Rafael was learning to always be careful.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He anxiously shifted and dropped his feet to the floor without a sound, he understood that most children did not need to worry about making a noise when they woke at night. There were children for whom a late-night trip for a glass of water held the possibility of becoming no more eventful than waking their parents and receiving an extra goodnight kiss.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Now Rafael winced as he stood and reflected on whether other children would also recognise the familiar pain of fractured ribs hidden under the dark pattern of bruises around his waist. He briefly considered getting back into bed and trying to ignore the scratching pain in his parched throat, but then licked his equally dry lips and closed his eyes for a moment to gather his courage.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Walking as lightly and soundlessly as possible he edged to his door and carefully turned the handle, millimetre by agonisingly tense millimetre. At this unknown late hour, he couldn't be sure whether his father would still be up.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rafael pulled his door open slowly and winced when he heard a soft creek. He paused, his eyes closed and heart pounding in his chest as he waited and listen for any sound at either end of their short hallway.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Nothing.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He poked his head around the doorframe and looked both ways, the lights in the living area and his parent's bedroom were off so he started to breathe a little steadier as he stretched out a leg and placed one foot outside the comparative sanctuary of his own room.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rafael slowly walked down the hallway, mindful to avoid every carefully mapped out squeaky floorboard that had already become tattooed onto his young mind. He reached the corner and lifted his hand to the wall to steady himself as he turned slowly, his unnatural stride and the pain from his broken ribs sending him slightly off balance and causing his heart rate to rise again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>After pausing for a second he nodded to himself and walked toward the kitchen, reaching up on his toes to get a glass before filling it with water and turning to head back to his room.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I thought I told you to stay in that room!" His father barked as he appeared from nowhere and blocked Rafael's path.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Papi, I was thirsty and…" The little boy started to explain, the fear in his heart familiarly leading to his emotions flattening out and his mind going blank.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The large man growled with frustration, "I say stay in your room unless you need a drink? Or I tell you to get out of my sight?!"<br/></em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You were asleep, I thought…" He bravely tried again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"One day your smart mouth is gonna get you hurt!" He growled, apparently conveniently forgetting that just a few hours ago he had lifted his son clear off the floor and threw him into a nearby kitchen cabinet for daring to ask for another school book.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm sorry, Papi," Rafael said quietly, looking at the floor and closing his eyes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The man huffed with scorn as he lit a cigarette, "Sorry, Papi…sorry, Papi! All I seem to hear from you! If you ain't begging for money so you can get some crap for school you're whining and crying like a pathetic little girl! </em>
  <em>Dios </em>
  <em>Mio, I swear to God you ain't my kid!" He staggered past his son and grabbed a beer from the icebox before opening the bottle and downing half. "A waste of my time and money," he growled with disdain.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rafael edged around the kitchen cautiously, his back to the cabinets as he walked sideways and slowly made his way toward the hallway.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You don't need that!" The man hissed and lunged forward, knocking the glass out of the small boy's hand and then laughing at the shock on his sons face as it smashed on the ground, water and shards flying everywhere.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A large piece of glass cut into Rafael's foot and he cried out in pain.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Shut up, you little fuck!" He growled and stepped forward with one stride before slapping the little boy across the head.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rafael had ducked, receiving only half the power of the intended blow before turning and running toward his room. He shut the door firmly, leaning against it and breathing heavily as he waited to see if he would be followed. With each passing moment, his panic began to subside until finally he stepped back from the door and hobbled toward his bed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A single tear slipped down his reddened face as he looked at his foot and winced. He paused, glancing out through his window at the bright full moon before dropping his head back onto his pillow. The adrenaline had made him even more thirsty. His eyes and throat burned.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>However, after half an hour he dropped into a restless sleep which should have lasted until morning...</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>An hour later, Rafael woke to find that his eyes were still burning. He blinked and winced, then coughed before looking around wondering how long he had been asleep.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Something felt…wrong?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He glanced over and noticed a steady glow of light from under the door.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The lights weren't on before…his confused young brain tried to work through the facts…and if it were morning his room would be bright with sunlight.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rafael heard the distant sound of sirens and tried to stand, his head spun and he sank back onto his bed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Mami?" He called out, for once sounding as young as his eight years.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Finally, he stood and stumbled toward the door, his ribs and injured foot protesting at the sudden movement as he arrived and opened it to find the hallway filled with flames and smoke.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Mami!" He croaked out again as he stepped back and shielded his eyes from the heat. "Mami?" He gasped and tottered ahead, holding onto the warm doorframe with both hands as he looked toward his parent's room.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rafael glanced to the left, he could see the fire escape from where he was standing, but he stumbled forward and turned right, walking on trembling legs toward the bedroom and stepping inside when he found the door to be open.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The bed was empty.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The room was empty and filled with a heavy double line of grey and white smoke. Rafael coughed and instinctively dropped to the floor, his eyes burning from a mixture of tears and smoke.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Mami?" He called again weakly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Finally the darkness and smoke seemed to close in on his tiny body as paralysing fear flooded through him.</em>
</p><p>-x-x-x-x-x-X-X-X-x-x-x-x-x-</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Sleepovers?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><div class="xcontrast">
  <p></p>
  <div>
    <p></p>
    <div>
      <p>Olivia opened the door and leaned against it as she nodded for Barba to go through. At her insistence, she still carried his bag while Barba held onto an overflowing stack of clothing, towels and sheets.</p>
      <p>"Mommy!" The little boy ran around the corner when he heard the door open and then smiled when he saw his Uncle Rafa in her company. "Uncle Rafa! Are you here to play or work?" He asked with controlled excitement. Noah had quickly learned that while Uncle Rafa and his mommy almost always claimed that he was visiting for work there were often occasions when they really didn't seem to have very much work to do at all.</p>
      <p>"Actually, Uncle Rafa needed to get some work done in his apartment so we've invited him to come and hang out with us for a few days," Olivia told her son with a smile, already knowing how thrilled the little boy would be.</p>
      <p>Noah's jaw hung open and he gasped, then he looked at Barba with wide eyes. "Sleepovers? Really?" He asked excitedly.</p>
      <p>"If that's okay with you?" Barba checked, genuinely surprised and touched by how thrilled he seemed.</p>
      <p>"Okay?!" Noah grinned and looked like he was almost vibrating on the spot. "No one exciting ever comes to stay over!"</p>
      <p>"Thanks, Noah…" Lucy said dryly as she walked through from the kitchen.</p>
      <p>Noah's mouth turned up in a half-smile that Olivia was startled to notice looked surprisingly similar to Barba's. "You don't count, Lucy, you're always here! Uncle Rafa is<em> really</em> cool!"</p>
      <p>"Thanks again…" Lucy added with an affectionate smile and then grinned over at the adults. "He really knows how to charm a lady, doesn't he?."</p>
      <p>Olivia shrugged acceptingly. "Don't take offence, Lucy, even I struggle to attract his attention when his Uncle Rafa is in the room," Olivia scrunched her nose up at her son in a teasing glare.</p>
      <p>"Mommy!" Noah whined. He was now old enough to feel a little embarrassment when his mom teased him in front of her friends. He wasn't sure that he could have explained exactly why if he had been asked, but he had always felt a unique kinship with his Uncle Rafa.</p>
      <p>"Hey," Barba cut in as he placed his things down on the couch next to where Olivia had left his bag, "I hear you've started your Carousel, can I see?!"</p>
      <p>Noah beamed now, "It's really great, Uncle Rafa! Mommy isn't very good though, she keeps trying to make up bits and won't follow the instructions…"</p>
      <p>"Olivia Benson!" Barba gasped and looked at her in exaggerated horror. "It will never work properly if you don't follow the plan!"</p>
      <p>"Great, now I have two of them whining at me about Lego!" Olivia smiled at Lucy and rolled her eyes as she walked through to the kitchen. She took down two glasses and turned to look at Noah's sitter, "Can I tempt you with a glass of wine? I think I'm about to lose these two to the big build."</p>
      <p>Lucy glanced at the time, "Sure, that sounds great."</p>
      <p>"Really, Mommy? We can play a while?" Noah asked excitedly, even as he grabbed Barba's arm and began to tug him toward his room.</p>
      <p>"You're ready for bed?" Olivia checked.</p>
      <p>"Bath and story, he only ran back out here when he heard you," Lucy confirmed.</p>
      <p>"Okay then, half-an-hour playtime with Uncle Rafa and then bed!" She smiled over at her friend as he was being dragged away, "Don't worry, I'll order some food for us later."</p>
      <p>Barba smiled and nodded as he vanished around the corner.</p>
      <p>"Noah does love that man," Lucy observed warmly, "…he talks about him all the time, you know?"</p>
      <p>"Really?" Olivia asked, she wasn't surprised but was genuinely pleased to hear that. "Rafael was a disaster with Noah when I got him, he didn't know the first thing about children."</p>
      <p>Lucy smiled as she sat at the kitchen counter, "I've often wondered how long you've known each other."</p>
      <p>Olivia paused thoughtfully, "Well, over a year before I even found Noah. He's been a good friend…" she smiled affectionately and then continued, "…actually, he's become an important part of our family."</p>
      <p>"I know it's not my place to ask, but you've never…?" She left the question hanging, knowing that Olivia would fill in the blank.</p>
      <p>Lucy noticed an uncharacteristic flush on the lieutenant's cheeks as she looked away and took a sip of her wine.</p>
      <p>"As you pointed out, he means a lot to Noah. Hell, he means a lot to me as well..." Olivia concluded uncomfortably.</p>
      <p>"And that's a <em>bad </em>thing?" Lucy asked with a smile.</p>
      <p>"It is when you take into account my disastrous history with men. Maybe I could fool myself into taking yet another chance if I had nothing to lose, but…" Olivia trailed off and sipped her wine again.</p>
      <p>Lucy sighed sadly, "So it's not that you aren't interested?"</p>
      <p>Olivia chuckled, "More like I'm a little <em>too </em>interested for my own good...or for Noah's. He loves Rafael and I can't risk his role in my son's life for my own selfish reasons. Hell, I don't even know if Rafa looks at me that way."</p>
      <p>"It's clear that he loves you <em>and</em> Noah…" Lucy cut in confidently.</p>
      <p>"There are many types of love, Lucy. I know he cares for me, for both of us, but he's shown no sign of wanting anything more than friendship. He's never even suggested that he wants to be a father..." Olivia looked back toward her son's room, her voice was lower than a whisper as they talked but she was still concerned about having this conversation so nearby. "I think he's shocked to have even taken so well to the role of 'Uncle Rafa'."</p>
      <p>"He could surprise you - just because he hasn't settled down and had a family doesn't mean it's off the table," Lucy pointed out.</p>
      <p>"Even if he were interested in me that doesn't change my primary concern - if we messed up I'd lose him, and so would Noah," Olivia repeated firmly.</p>
      <p>"I notice that you've not even attempted to deny that you want him," Lucy pointed out with a smirk.</p>
      <p>Olivia laughed softly, "He's completely unique. I've always struggled with trusting people, but Rafael has bypassed my defences by genuinely becoming my friend. He makes me feel secure, but underneath that, he's also extremely kind. I trust him completely and he somehow inspires me to believe in that as well...to have faith in my own instincts."</p>
      <p>"And you find him attractive?" Lucy added with a grin.</p>
      <p>Olivia smirked and tilted her head, "Extremely…" She paused and then the smile dropped from her face, "…but as I said, it's not worth the risk."</p>
      <p>Lucy frowned and looked at her more seriously now, "Olivia, are you in love with him?"</p>
      <p>Olivia looked away and shook her head, but it was apparent to Lucy that this wasn't denial, she was refusing to answer - which could only mean one thing.</p>
      <p>"And having him come to stay with you and Noah for a few days? Aren't you torturing yourself?" Lucy asked with a hint of amusement.</p>
      <p>She shook her head, "My feelings for Rafael aren't one-note, Lucy. I enjoy his company, I'm looking forward to spending more time with him, and I was certainly not going to leave him sleeping on a couch in his office. He had a fire in his building, I need to be there for my friend…"</p>
      <p>Lucy frowned and nodded, "Wow, well…just take care of yourself, okay? I know that your inclination is to put everyone else's needs first, but your needs matter too."</p>
      <p>Olivia smiled and nodded, "Your concern is appreciated…but Rafael is a good friend and you really don't need to worry about me."</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>When Barba walked out into the living area just over 45mins later, Lucy was gone and Olivia had already changed into yoga pants and an oversized jersey. He smiled before she'd even noticed him and took a few moments to appreciate the opportunity to just watch her.</p>
      <p>She placed Lucy's wine glass on the side, refilled her own and then reached up to get a whisky glass out of one of her higher kitchen units. Her jersey rose up a little as she stretched and Barba silently reprimanded himself when his eyes briefly moved down to the sliver of skin which was revealed at her hip.</p>
      <p>Suddenly sensing him behind her she turned with a warm smile on her face and waved the glass at him. "I bought these for you last month but you haven't been around lately, want to take this for a test drive?"</p>
      <p>He walked around to her side of the kitchen divide. "You bought them for me?" He asked, genuinely surprised.</p>
      <p>"Well, for you to use here, of course," she clarified, "…the ones you normally use aren't very nice and these caught my eye."</p>
      <p>He turned the pleasingly heavy and well-balanced glass in his hand and looked at it, he was deeply touched by the thought, even more so because Olivia didn't seem to think that the purchase was a big deal. He really had become a comfortable feature of her life and that fact warmed his heart.</p>
      <p>Olivia held up a bottle of his favourite scotch and then leaned in to pour him a generous serving. "Food is already on the way…" she assured him and lifted her own glass to sip. "I like this," she observed happily, "I'm so used to being on my own after Noah goes to bed, so this is nice."</p>
      <p>His mouth turned up in a half-smile, "It is."</p>
      <p>"I assume Noah is asleep?" She checked.</p>
      <p>"Yes, I'm sorry if you wanted to say goodnight, he asked for a story and I didn't expect him to pass out quite so quickly," Barba apologised genuinely.</p>
      <p>Olivia smiled and shook her head, "He rarely lasts for more than ten minutes of bedtime stories at the moment, his days are so hectic. I often loop back through the same chapter several times a week. I'll stop and look in on him before I go to bed though."</p>
      <p>Barba smiled with a hint of sadness that Olivia couldn't place, "You're a wonderful mom, Liv, Noah is a very lucky boy."</p>
      <p>Olivia felt tears well in her eyes, being a single mother meant that she often felt alone in her role, so her friend's positive affirmation really meant something. "I…thanks, Rafa," she said softly, not meeting his eyes.</p>
      <p>"That can't be a revelation to you?" Barba said with a gentle smile.</p>
      <p>She shook her head, "No, I guess not…but it's still nice to hear."</p>
      <p>They sat in comfortable silence for a few moments before Barba finally asked, "So when was the last time you invited your friend for a sleepover?"</p>
      <p>Olivia laughed, "I guess that depends on your definition of 'friend'."</p>
      <p>Barba's mind immediately moved to Tucker and he failed to hide the impact of that thought.</p>
      <p>"Hey, you okay?" She asked with concern.</p>
      <p>He faked a smile that Olivia saw through immediately and nodded, "I am…" he sipped his drink. Then looking for a way to change the subject he continued quickly, "…Does Noah have sleepovers?"</p>
      <p>"Occasionally," Olivia nodded, "…although you're definitely his favorite guest so far."</p>
      <p>Barba shook his head, assuming that Olivia was just trying to cheer him up.</p>
      <p>"Noah thinks the world of you, Rafael, If you could only hear him talk about you every time you visit. You've definitely won my son's heart," she said warmly and then looked up when she heard a knock at the door. "That will be our food, can you grab the plates?"</p>
      <p>"Absolutely," Barba nodded, still trying to process what Olivia had said.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>Barba lay wide awake on the fold-out couch at a little after 3 am the following morning. He'd barely slept for days, the smell of smoke when he'd woken on the night of the fire had intensified fears and unresolved issues that he had been pushing aside for most of his life.</p>
      <p>As the fire alarm began to sound he had frozen in bed - incapable of moving as the vivid images associated with the acrid scent flooded his mind. In the days that had followed Barba had come to terms with the fact that if the fire had been serious he would likely have died that night.</p>
      <p>Frozen in fear, lying in his own bed - alone in his apartment at 47-years-old.</p>
      <p>However, the fire had been brought under control and less than twenty minutes later Barba had been broken out of his rigid terror by a loud knock at the door. His feet had burst into action of their own accord and suddenly he found himself at the door, face to face with a fully-suited firefighter.</p>
      <p>Barba closed his eyes in shame when he thought about how rude he must have sounded to the well-intentioned officer when asked why he hadn't vacated the building. Embarrassed by his reaction he had feigned a drowsy demeanor and grumbled something about sleeping pills before starting to shut the door in his face.</p>
      <p>The firefighter had blocked the door with his foot and patiently told him that he would need to leave the building while they carried out structural tests and waited for the smoke to clear.</p>
      <p>He had collected some essential things and caught a cab in an almost dreamlike state, checking into a hotel and finding his way to his room before falling bonelessly on the bed.</p>
      <p>It had been a couple of hours later when he had been woken by loud bangs on the door and told by a clearly exhausted and irritated member of staff that they had been receiving complaints, for at least half an hour, about loud shouting and screaming coming from his room - including reports of shouts of 'Mami!' echoing down the halls.</p>
      <p>He had feigned ignorance and shut the door, but then he lay sleepless the rest of the night, his mind racing with the events and scared to sleep in case of a recurrence of his childhood night terrors.</p>
      <p>The next morning Barba had checked out of the hotel and moved his things to the office. He had reluctantly admitted to Carisi that he was sleeping on the couch but in actual fact, he hadn't slept for three whole nights, his head filled with paralysing memories and overwhelming fears.</p>
      <p>Now he lay feeling safer than he had felt in days, sleep dancing around the edges of his consciousness but always just out of reach as his mind kept returning to the risk that he might wake Olivia and Noah…bring his fucked up psyche into their lives.</p>
      <p>He heard a door creak open and froze, the sound alone taking him straight back to that hallway and causing his heart to race. Then he heard the light patter of feet on the floor near his head and turned quickly toward the noise.</p>
      <p>"Uncle Rafa?" Noah's soft voice floated through the air.</p>
      <p>Barba felt himself calm down immediately, his muscles relaxing as he closed his eyes.</p>
      <p>"Hey, amigo, you're up late…" Barba replied softly as he moved to look at him.</p>
      <p>"Or am I up really early?" Noah asked, the obvious cheeky smile in his voice causing tears to well in Barba's eyes.</p>
      <p>He lay as he listened to the boy walk over and fill a glass of water, then he walked back toward him.</p>
      <p>"I'm sorry, Uncle Rafa, did I wake you?" Noah whispered and stepped up near his head.</p>
      <p>Barba let out a long breath and smiled, is this what normal should have felt like?</p>
      <p>"It's okay, Noah, I was already awake," Barba assured. "I guess I'm not sleeping very well right now," he expected the little boy to make his way back to bed but was surprised when he heard him take two loud gulps of water, place his glass down nearby and then climb up onto his bed.</p>
      <p>"Are you sad?" Noah asked empathetically.</p>
      <p>Barba sat up a little and faced the boy, the moonlight in the room suddenly felt a little brighter. "There was an accident in my building," he explained to his young friend honestly. "That's why I needed to move out for a while, I guess I just…"</p>
      <p>When he paused and struggled to find his words Noah moved closer and held out his arms. "Would you like a hug, Uncle Rafa?" He asked simply and then without waiting for a reply wrapped his arms around Barba's torso and rested his head on his chest. "I'm sorry that you are sad, Uncle Rafa, but Mommy says that a hug makes everything better."</p>
      <p>"Thank you, Noah…" Barba said softly, encircling one arm around Noah and closing his eyes.</p>
      <p>Noah pulled back and Barba expected him to climb down and return to his room - but instead, he lay down next to him, rested his head on the spare pillow and closed his eyes.</p>
      <p>"Are you not going back to your room, Noah?" Barba asked in surprise.</p>
      <p>Noah smiled but didn't even open his eyes when he whispered a little conspiratorially, "Bad dreams don't like company, Uncle Rafa."</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>When Olivia woke a few hours later, she walked through to check on Barba and was surprised to find her son lying on the fold-out bed next to him - both of them had their mouths open slightly in sleep, breathing heavily and peacefully.</p>
      <p>She smiled as she walked closer and saw Eddie laying between the two of them on the bed, then noticed that Noah's arm was reaching out toward her friend - his hand resting just over his heart.</p>
      <p>Olivia gave into temptation as she stroked her own hand over Noah's soft curly hair and then moved around to look at Barba. He looked so serene lying there. Olivia had suspected that he hadn't been sleeping well over the last few days and she was relieved to see that...no matter what had occurred during the night...they were both sleeping soundly now.</p>
      <p>Her hand drifted out to hover over his face, longing to touch him…or simply stroke his hair in a way that had felt so natural with her son, but then she regretfully withdrew and walked through to the kitchen.</p>
      <p>About half an hour later, Barba woke to the unmistakable scent of toast and bacon. He stretched and blinked open his eyes, surprised to find Noah still sleeping next to him…and then further amazed when he realised that he was waking from his first peaceful sleep in days.</p>
      <p>He turned around and saw Olivia moving gracefully about her kitchen preparing their breakfast, then slipped out of bed and padded quietly toward her.</p>
      <p>"Morning…" He said softly, his voice still rough with sleep.</p>
      <p>Olivia startled a little and then turned to face her friend with a smile, "I didn't see you get up…"</p>
      <p>"I'm stealthy…" he retorted with a smirk and then moved to lean on the kitchen counter, nodding at her with a grateful smile when Olivia passed him a coffee.</p>
      <p>She turned back to the food and they stood in relaxed and languid silence. Olivia was surprised to note that her assumption that Barba would not be a morning person was wrong...if anything he seemed a little softer around the edges in the glow of the early sunlight. She could almost imagine what he might have looked like when he was a little boy.</p>
      <p>"What?" Barba asked with an amused smile when he saw her grin.</p>
      <p>"I was just thinking, I bet you were a really cute kid," she looked over at him, her eyes dancing with warmth and humor.</p>
      <p>The reference to his childhood stung a little, but Barba tried to hide that. "I had my moments," he retorted with mock pride.</p>
      <p>Olivia laughed and then voiced her genuine interest, "And did cute little Rafael dream of becoming a lawyer?"</p>
      <p>"Not exactly," he laughed, "I was pretty unfocused when I was a child. I think maybe superhero at one point, then doctor…and maybe firefighter for a while."</p>
      <p>The last job on the list was said with a tone that Olivia couldn't place, but something told her to park her intrigue and try to keep the conversation light. "There's a theme there, Rafa, it sounds like you always wanted to help people…in that way you succeeded with your childhood goals, just not necessarily in the way you expected."</p>
      <p>Barba didn't know what to say to that, so he didn't say anything at all.</p>
      <p>"So when did you decide that the law was your purpose?" Olivia encouraged him gently.</p>
      <p>He was silent at first, unsure about how much he was ready to share. "I'm not really sure, but I met a lawyer when I was about nine, she was kind…she tried to help us to…" Barba fell silent and then Olivia could see him force himself out of his reverie. He smiled at her, "I guess I learned that if you want to make a difference in this world you need to know how to work the system...and the better you understand that system the more chance you have of winning."</p>
      <p>"So you decided to understand the system better than anyone else..." Olivia observed with pride and sadness at whatever he had chosen not to share with her. What had happened to that little boy? Why had he needed to meet the lawyer who had gone on to change the direction of his life?</p>
      <p>"Well…" Barba looked away with what many people might have assumed to be uncharacteristic modesty, but Olivia already knew that nothing about Rafael Barba was surface deep.</p>
      <p>Noah turned over in his sleep and they both looked up.</p>
      <p>"Sorry about…" Barba nodded over at him.</p>
      <p>Olivia smiled and shook her head, then instinctively reached over to lay her hand on his forearm. "You're family, Rafa, it's all good. How did he…?"</p>
      <p>Barba shook his head sadly, "He woke in the early hours and came out for a glass of water. I guess he apologised for waking me and when I admitted that I hadn't been to sleep yet he decided that I needed some company."</p>
      <p>"You've been having trouble sleeping?" Olivia asked with unsurprised interest.</p>
      <p>"I…" Barba almost lied but then looked into her calm and concerned eyes and sighed, "I haven't, since…"</p>
      <p>Olivia blinked slowly and then stepped a little closer, "Are you saying that you haven't slept since the fire at your apartment? Not at all?" She asked with concern.</p>
      <p>"I don't like…" he sighed and closed his eyes, looking away with embarrassment, "…since I was young, I don't really like fire. I…"</p>
      <p>"Rafa…?" Olivia frowned and stepped even closer to him, then was startled when Noah spoke to them from nearby.</p>
      <p>"Morning, Mommy! Morning, Uncle Rafa!" He said brightly as he walked by.</p>
      <p>Barba and Olivia suddenly realised how close they were standing and stepped apart quickly.</p>
      <p>"G-good morning, baby!" Olivia called after him, her voice unexpectedly high.</p>
      <p>She turned and looked at Barba as her son disappeared into the bathroom. He was watching her uncomfortably, visibly troubled by what he had admitted.</p>
      <p>"You slept okay last night though?" Olivia checked with unguarded worry.</p>
      <p>Barba smiled softly now and nodded, "I guess bad dreams really don't like company…"</p>
      <p>Olivia was surprised that she had to turn to hide the tears in her eyes when he quoted the words that she had so often said to her son.</p>
      <p> </p>
      <p>
        <em>TBC...</em>
      </p>
      <p> </p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. One Step Forward, Two Steps Back</h2></a>
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      <p>As Olivia rushed through the unit toward her office she was called over by Amanda, who was walking through to their desks precariously carrying three coffees.</p>
      <p>"Boss, have you heard from Barba?" She asked as she carefully placed the first drink in front of Fin.</p>
      <p>Olivia paused, she hadn't intentionally kept her houseguest a secret but also hadn't voluntarily shared the information.</p>
      <p>"I haven't seen him for a couple of days," Carisi continued, "…I know he's been in court but his things weren't in his office yesterday and the last time I spoke to him he had no intention of leaving."</p>
      <p>Fin shrugged, "Maybe he's stayin' with his mother?"</p>
      <p>Carisi winced, "I won't tell you where he proposed that I should put that suggestion."</p>
      <p>Rollins laughed and pushed a coffee toward him.</p>
      <p>Olivia rolled her eyes, "It's okay, guys...he's not AWOL, I've got him."</p>
      <p>"You <em>got</em> him?" Fin asked with a smirk.</p>
      <p>"I mean, he's staying with me and Noah," Olivia clarified simply.</p>
      <p>"You don't have a spare room," Rollins observed with a broad grin.</p>
      <p>"But I do have a fold-out couch," Olivia replied pointedly and raised her eyebrows at her friend.</p>
      <p>Amanda smiled and looked down at her work as Carisi leaned back in his chair, clearly impressed.</p>
      <p>"The Lieu's like a Barba whisperer, there was no way in hell he was going to come stay at mine," Carisi chuckled.</p>
      <p>"I didn't give him a choice," Olivia stated as she turned back toward her office.</p>
      <p>"And I'd guess he was less tempted by the thought of seein' you in your <em>kimono</em>..." Rollins pointed out to Carisi with a smirk.</p>
      <p>Fin had to bite his cheek to try and stop himself from laughing.</p>
      <p>Olivia turned and glared at her friends from the entrance to her office, but then didn't respond and simply walked inside and shut the door.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>Just after lunch Olivia's cell rang, she looked over at the screen and on seeing that the call was from Noah's school she answered it immediately.</p>
      <p>"Hello?"</p>
      <p><strong><em>"Am I speaking to Ms Benson?"</em></strong> A voice inquired politely.</p>
      <p>"Yes, I assume this is about Noah?" Olivia asked, only slightly concerned.</p>
      <p>The woman replied with a professional and straightforward tone, <strong><em>"I'm afraid we've had a burst pipe at the school. We need parents to collect their children as soon as possible - as it's Thursday you can expect to have him home until at least Monday morning."</em></strong></p>
      <p>Olivia looked at the piles of paperwork on her desk and closed her eyes with frustration. Then she felt her cell vibrate in her hand. "One moment please," she spoke politely and then looked down at her phone to find a message from Barba.</p>
      <p>[Case settled. Buchanan's livid. Life is good.]</p>
      <p>She smiled at the positive tone implied in Barba's message and then moved the phone back to her ear. "I'm a little busy with work at the moment. Of course, Noah comes first...but would it be okay if I arrange for a friend to collect him on my behalf?"</p>
      <p>
        <strong> <em>"I can't see why not...as long as we have a name and your friend can show us some identification."</em> </strong>
      </p>
      <p>"My friend's name is Rafael Barba, he's an Assistant District Attorney so I'm sure he'll have some form of identification," Olivia explained. "If he is unable to step in for me I will be there to pick up Noah within the hour."</p>
      <p>
        <strong> <em>"No problem, Ms Benson. Noah and I will see either you or your friend soon…"</em> </strong>
      </p>
      <p>The line went dead and Olivia immediately called Barba.</p>
      <p><strong><em>"Lieutenant Benson, I wasn't expecting you to call me. I thought you were going to be buried under paperwork all day? Do you have time for lunch?"</em> </strong>He said, sounding more cheerful than he had in days.</p>
      <p>"Unfortunately I'm still drowning in that paperwork. I was actually calling to ask a favor?" She replied speculatively.</p>
      <p><strong><em>"Of course…"</em></strong> He responded without faltering.</p>
      <p>Olivia smiled when her friend agreed so readily without even asking to hear the favor first. "Are you busy this afternoon or has Buchanan settling out cleared your schedule a little?"</p>
      <p>Barba hummed, <strong><em>"Actually, he's going out of town until next week, family leave…so my next few days have really opened up. Of course, I could start on prep work for the Hammond case."</em></strong></p>
      <p>Olivia nodded needlessly, thinking about the case that was due to start in a couple of weeks and glancing at the related files on her desk. She knew that Barba had planned to leave that case until next week, so decided to push ahead and ask her favor. "There's been a burst pipe at the school, Noah's out until next week…any chance you could collect him for me so that I can finish off here? I still have tomorrow booked as a personal day and if I leave now I'll have to come in."</p>
      <p>She could somehow tell that Barba had already changed direction as he walked, <strong><em>"No problem, although are they really going to let a complete stranger walk in and take your kid?"</em></strong></p>
      <p>Olivia smiled, "Believe it or not I'd already thought of that. They have your name, the teacher said that you'll just need identification."</p>
      <p><strong><em>"Great,"</em></strong> Barba agreed. <strong><em>"You'll send me the details?"</em></strong></p>
      <p>"As we speak," Olivia nodded, switching to speaker and already beginning to send him the address. "Thanks, Rafa, you're really helping me out here."</p>
      <p><strong><em>"Least I can do,"</em></strong> Barba assured easily and then hung up without saying goodbye.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>When Barba walked into his classroom Noah jumped up and rushed toward him.</p>
      <p>"Uncle Rafa! I thought Mommy was coming for me!" Noah said, clearly thrilled.</p>
      <p>Barba huffed when the boy collided with him and then smiled over at a startlingly young teacher.</p>
      <p>"Rafael Barba?" She asked with a grin as she watched her young charge attach himself to the man like a limpet.</p>
      <p>"Nice to meet you," Barba nodded and reached over Noah to shake her hand.</p>
      <p>"I can see that Noah knows you, but if you wouldn't mind showing me some form of identification? It's school policy…" The teacher asked.</p>
      <p>"Absolutely, it's better to be overcautious," Barba pulled out some ID and showed it to the teacher.</p>
      <p>"Are we going home now?" Noah asked eagerly as he ran off to get his bag. "Callum, this is my Uncle Rafa, he's come to pick me up!"</p>
      <p>A smaller boy, who Barba assumed was Callum looked up at him and smiled shyly, "You lock up bad guys?"</p>
      <p>Barba smiled at Noah and then looked back at his friend, "Noah's Mommy and I work as a <em>team</em> to lock up the bad guys."</p>
      <p>Callum grinned over at Noah now, clearly impressed.</p>
      <p>"Uncle Rafa, can we go to the park?" Noah asked as he lifted his school pack onto his back.</p>
      <p>Barba looked at the time and then nodded, "Sure, we can go for an hour…then how about we go home and cook something for Mommy's dinner? She's having a very busy day."</p>
      <p>Noah nodded enthusiastically and smiled back at his teacher, "Bye, Ms Kingsley!"</p>
      <p>Ms Kingsley grinned at the two of them together and waved, "See you next week, Noah, and thank you for picking him up so promptly, Mr Barba. I'll be in touch as soon as we know more about the repairs."</p>
      <p>Barba nodded his thanks, then he smiled at Callum before they headed toward the door.</p>
      <p>"What does Mommy like to eat the most?" Barba asked as they walked hand in hand.</p>
      <p>Noah bit his lip thoughtfully and then finally decided, "Mommy <em>really</em> loves Mac and Cheese!"</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>As soon as she arrived home that evening Olivia was greeted by the aroma of delicious food.</p>
      <p>"Oh my God, what <em>is</em> that? It smells amazing!" She called out as Noah ran over.</p>
      <p>"We made dinner!" Her son announced excitedly as Olivia dropped down and hugged him.</p>
      <p>"You did? Wow! What did you make?" Olivia asked holding out her hand as she stood and they walked toward the kitchen.</p>
      <p>"We made roast chicken, and Mac &amp; Cheese, and vegetables…I told Uncle Rafa that we didn't need to worry about the vegetables but he said that they are important too," Noah chatted away happily.</p>
      <p>"Well, Uncle Rafa is right," she smiled at her friend as he came into view and couldn't help the way her heart leapt at the sight of him looking so comfortable and domestic in her home. "I bet Uncle Rafa always eats all of his vegetables, don't you?"</p>
      <p>Barba nodded, "Always, I love vegetables…and you know what?" He bent and lifted Noah up onto the counter next to him. "Vegetables make you grow big and strong, they even help you with your studies…how do you think I became a lawyer <em>and</em> your mommy became such an amazing detective?"</p>
      <p>Noah looked unsure, "From eating <em>vegetables?</em> Really?" His face scrunched up and he looked at his mommy for confirmation.</p>
      <p>She nodded solemnly.</p>
      <p>"From eating our vegetables and working really hard," Barba added and smiled over at Olivia before looking back at Noah, "…vegetables are magic, but we can't expect them to do all of the work for us...we have to help them along a bit."</p>
      <p>Noah looked amazed and impressed, then he glanced at the carrots laying nearby, "Well, I guess I could eat some vegetables…then I'll try extra hard on my homework and see if I get better grades!"</p>
      <p>"That sounds like a plan!" Barba said happily. When Noah held out his arms he helped him back down off the counter and then turned and shrugged at Olivia as the little boy ran away.</p>
      <p>"You're wonderful with him," Olivia observed with a broad smile.</p>
      <p>"I literally have no idea what I'm doing," Barba insisted and shook his head.</p>
      <p>Olivia leaned back against the counter and laughed softly, "I'll let you into a parenting secret that I learned pretty quickly - most of us are making it up as we go along, but if you care enough to always <em>try</em> then you're halfway there."</p>
      <p>Barba paused, smiled at her thoughtfully and then nodded, "I guess I've never really thought of it that way."</p>
      <p>"I didn't have a father, my relationship with my mom wasn't easy…it felt like I was bringing myself up half of the time," Olivia reflected openly, "…what you see with Noah is a single working mother trying my hardest, nothing more and nothing less."</p>
      <p>He looked at her affectionately and shook his head, "You underestimate yourself, Liv, you are definitely something <em>more."</em></p>
      <p>Olivia smiled at him and then realised that she needed to change the subject before <em>she</em> revealed too much. "Talking of 'something', that smells amazing!"</p>
      <p>"Noah said that Mac &amp; Cheese is your number one comfort food?" He checked.</p>
      <p>"I love it," she confirmed and moved in front of him to peer into the pan.</p>
      <p>"Well, we have mac &amp; cheese, chicken, carrots for Noah and mixed roasted vegetables for us…I told him that he could try our vegetables as well, but I thought it wise to have a backup option," Barba explained.</p>
      <p>"I can't believe you did all this," Olivia said appreciatively.</p>
      <p>"Well, we had some time and I definitely owe you for putting me up," Barba assured.</p>
      <p>"You owe nothing, we're extremely happy to have you here...and look, you even cook!" Olivia smiled and began to fill herself a glass of wine.</p>
      <p>"You have at least half-an-hour if you want to change," Barba suggested.</p>
      <p>"Dress up for dinner?" She asked with a teasing smile.</p>
      <p>"Dress down," he chuckled, "…get comfy," he looked down at her feet, "…remove those torture devices."</p>
      <p>She nodded gratefully, "I was actually thinking on my way home - now that Noah is off until Monday and I have the weekend booked I might take him away for a few days. It will give you some space, I know that he can be demanding and this must be quite an adjustment for you."</p>
      <p>Barba didn't turn from the stove, "You're going away?"</p>
      <p>"Just until Sunday," Olivia confirmed, leaning to pick up a small raw carrot and bite off the end.</p>
      <p>"Oh…well, that's nice…you deserve a break…" He forced a smile into his voice even as he felt his previously good mood start to drain away.</p>
      <p>"So do you, Rafa," Olivia assured, "…you can have this place to yourself for a few days, get some work done, enjoy some peace and quiet."</p>
      <p>Barba didn't answer, just nodded and moved to check the chicken.</p>
      <p>"Well, I'll go and change…" Olivia said, sensing a shift in the mood and unsure what was wrong.</p>
      <p>"Yes, I'll keep an eye on Noah if he needs anything," he assured and moved to start preparing the vegetables.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>"I feel better already," Olivia said happily as she walked around the corner a while later. She was wearing her casual house clothes, her damp hair was tied back and makeup removed.</p>
      <p>Barba looked over at her and smiled. "You look great," he said and then realising his slip added, "…I mean, you look more relaxed."</p>
      <p>Olivia smiled gratefully, "I didn't think it was possible, but dinner smells even more amazing."</p>
      <p>"Mommy! Mommy! It's almost ready!" Noah called over excitedly.</p>
      <p>"You'd think the kid never ate a home-cooked meal," she smirked dryly at Barba.</p>
      <p>He laughed and rolled his eyes, "I'm a novelty, Liv."</p>
      <p>"You sure are," Olivia replied with a reflective tone that made Barba peer up at her.</p>
      <p>"You okay?" He checked.</p>
      <p>"I should be asking you that, you seemed a little quiet before…" Olivia observed carefully.</p>
      <p>"I guess…" Barba sighed and then decided to run with at least partial honesty, "…I just have a quiet weekend coming up and I was kind of looking forward to spending some time with you and Noah."</p>
      <p>"Oh, Rafa…" Olivia said regretfully, "…I'm sorry, I didn't even think, I just assumed that you would be grateful for the space."</p>
      <p>He looked over at Noah and then smiled sadly at Olivia, "You're not an inconvenience to me, Liv."</p>
      <p>She fell silent for a moment trying to assimilate and then ventured a suggestion, "Well, then maybe we could stay here after all…or maybe you could come with us?"</p>
      <p>Barba shook his head, "I wasn't angling for an invitation, Liv, I'm sorry…you and Noah deserve a break together."</p>
      <p>Olivia shrugged, "We would still be together, <em>with</em> you. You aren't an inconvenience to us either, Rafa, it just never even occurred to me that you would want to join us."</p>
      <p>"I wonder what that says about me…" Barba said a little sadly.</p>
      <p>"Rafa…?" Olivia asked with concern and then stepped a little closer.</p>
      <p>Barba shook his head, "I don't know what's wrong with me, Liv…I'm sorry, just enjoy your weekend with Noah."</p>
      <p>"I'd prefer to enjoy my weekend with both of you," she insisted.</p>
      <p>He shook his head again, so Olivia sighed with a little frustration and then called over to Noah for backup, "Hey, baby, how do you feel about going away for a few days? Just you, me and Uncle Rafa?"</p>
      <p>Noah looked up eagerly, "Really?!"</p>
      <p>"Liv, please…" Barba tried to cut in.</p>
      <p>"Mommy has a friend with a place near a lake - we can relax, go walking…" Olivia suggested.</p>
      <p>"Will there be a boat?" Noah asked breathlessly.</p>
      <p><em>"Absolutely!"</em> Olivia joined in her son's excitement and then looked at Barba, who still seemed unsure.</p>
      <p>"Rafa," she smiled warmly, "…I'm not being charitable here, I'd love for you to come with us!"</p>
      <p>Barba glared at her now but his eyes danced with humor, "You just want me to cook."</p>
      <p>She laughed, "I have to admit, that<em> is</em> a factor."</p>
      <p>Noah ran around and casually slipped his hands into theirs. "Really? We're going on vacation together?" He looked between them both intently.</p>
      <p>"We are," Olivia confirmed, "…but that does not mean that you can bring your Lego!"</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>At a little after two in the morning, Olivia sat upright in bed with a start - a cold sweat spread through her body and her heart was trying to hammer its way out of her chest.</p>
      <p>
        <em>What the hell?</em>
      </p>
      <p>Her natural reflexes pulled her out of bed and Olivia was on her feet and racing for the door before she even knew what had woken her - a loud blood-curdling cry followed by, "Maaaaaami!". Her feet carried her on shaky legs toward her living area and she almost ploughed into Noah who was standing in the hallway with a horrified look on his face.</p>
      <p>"Mommy, what?!" He sobbed.</p>
      <p>"Shhhhh, baby…" Olivia dropped down in front of Noah as she heard Barba cry out again. "It's okay, Noah, I think Uncle Rafa is just having a bad dream…" her mind whirled as another loud sob summoned her to comfort her friend even as she tried to calm her son.</p>
      <p>"Uncle Rafa is sad again?" Noah said with a tearful voice and wrapped his arms around her tightly.</p>
      <p>"My sweet boy, everything is going to be just fine, but I think Uncle Rafa needs Mommy right now…" She stood and took his hand, walking him back through to his bedroom and then helping him back into bed. "Do you think you can be a big boy and trust me to look after your Uncle Rafa?"</p>
      <p>They heard Barba cry out again and Noah looked toward his door with concern.</p>
      <p>"Baby, I promise I'm going to make sure Uncle Rafa is okay. In a few minutes, everything is going to be quiet again and in the morning we're going to go on vacation, remember?" Olivia said encouragingly and smiled.</p>
      <p>They heard another moan from the living area and Noah bit his lip anxiously, "You're going to help Uncle Rafa? You won't leave him alone? Because you know…" Noah started.</p>
      <p>"…Bad dreams don't like company," Olivia assured and nodded.</p>
      <p>"Okay…" Noah said a little tearfully.</p>
      <p>"You're such a good boy, you know how much I love you, right?" Olivia smiled proudly.</p>
      <p>Noah nodded now, "Give Uncle Rafa a hug from me?"</p>
      <p>Olivia felt a shudder down her spine when she heard Barba cry out again and then nodded, "I will, baby. You sleep little man…I've got this, okay?"</p>
      <p>She kissed his head and then walked as calmly as possible out of Noah's room before speeding up and rushing over to the couch. She could see that Barba's entire body was tense, his face red and covered with a sheen of sweat. She sat nearby and cautiously held out her hand, her inclination was to throw herself into his arms and try to comfort him - but she was scared of making things worse.</p>
      <p>"Rafa…" she said calmly, "…Rafa, sweetheart…you're sleeping…you're having a nightmare…"</p>
      <p>He sobbed, "Mami! Please! I can't see…" His eyes opened but he seemed to stare straight through her.</p>
      <p>"Rafael…" she tried softly, "…can you hear me?"</p>
      <p>"Mami!" He gasped out again and the pain in his eyes caused Olivia to push aside logic and move forward to wrap her arms around him.</p>
      <p>"Rafa, please wake up," she cried softly and held him tight even as he continued to panic and lash out. After what Olivia suspected was a few minutes he started to calm and sag against her. "Rafael…" She whispered again once he had completely relaxed. She felt his arms wrap around her and then suddenly he tensed.</p>
      <p>"Liv?" His voice sounded so lost and confused that it broke her heart. "¡Dios mío!" He suddenly sobbed. "It happened again didn't it? God, Liv, I'm so sorry... Did I wake Noah? Did I scare him? I'll leave right now, this isn't…"</p>
      <p>Olivia kept her arms around him and started to rock comfortingly, "Shhhhhh, just breathe with me…"</p>
      <p>"I need to leave…" He repeated again, his body was trembling in her embrace and she could feel his perspiration soaking through her top.</p>
      <p>She moved a little, the twisted position of her body starting to hurt her lower back. Then she pulled away and looked into his wide eyes, "You're not going anywhere, Rafa, I need you to calm down and take a couple of slow breaths."</p>
      <p>He shook his head.</p>
      <p>"Noah is okay, he was worried about you and a little scared…" his eyes widened and she shook her head, "…but he understands that you were having a bad dream and he agreed to go back to bed if I promised to look after you."</p>
      <p>"I scared him?" Barba asked in horror. "Staying here was a bad idea..."</p>
      <p>"I promise you that Noah is fine, I would never lie to you about that. He was never scared of you, Rafa, he was scared <em>for</em> you…" Olivia assured.</p>
      <p>"Maybe you and Noah should go away on your own tomorrow?" Barba suggested.</p>
      <p>"And what would that solve?" Olivia asked sincerely.</p>
      <p>"It would get you and Noah away from me," Barba gritted his teeth with angry frustration.</p>
      <p>"We don't want to be away from you, Noah is looking forward to our trip," she insisted firmly. "Now we will need to address this and I think when we get back to the city we need to talk seriously about getting you a little help. Maybe talking to a professional?"</p>
      <p>Barba looked away wordlessly.</p>
      <p>"But until then, I meant it when I told you that you are family, Rafa, we want you here with us. This might not be easy but family isn't only here for the easy stuff and we'll find a way to figure this out…" Olivia held his gaze resolutely.</p>
      <p>"Liv…?" He sounded unsure.</p>
      <p>"This isn't up for discussion, Rafael," she said with an edge of irritation in her voice. "If Noah wakes in the morning and finds that you've gone it will break his heart. He's worried about you now, but he trusts us and has gone back to bed. I'm going to go and check in on him, make sure he's asleep…and then when we get to the house we're going to sit down with him together and talk about what happened tonight."</p>
      <p>He didn't speak - just nodded slowly. Barba trusted Olivia with his life and if she was telling him this was what he needed to do then he didn't feel able to argue.</p>
      <p>"I'll be less than five minutes…" Olivia promised a little more softly.</p>
      <p>Barba nodded again and then wordlessly watched her stand and walk away.</p>
      <p>He lay back on the bed, his heart still beating quickly and his breath short. He closed his eyes and tried to suppress his tears, the last thing he had wanted was to bring this into Olivia or Noah's life.</p>
      <p>Less then two minutes later, he opened his eyes when he felt the bed move. Olivia sat down and held out a glass of water, "I won't make you talk now...unless you want to, of course?"</p>
      <p>He accepted the glass gratefully and shook his head as he took a sip.</p>
      <p>Olivia placed the drink on a nearby surface and then stood. He assumed she was leaving, but then she walked around to the other side of the bed and moved to lay down.</p>
      <p>"Do you feel okay? At least you're starting to cool down..." She ran her hand over his forehead. "Do you need a shower?" Olivia asked sympathetically.</p>
      <p>He started to roll toward her but she moved closer and wrapped her arm around his waist, spooning him from behind. "I'm not going anywhere, Rafael…just close your eyes."</p>
      <p>"Olivia…" He murmured.</p>
      <p>"I've got you, I'll stay awake until I know that you're asleep and if you have another nightmare I'll be right here with you. You don't need to worry…" She soothed gently.</p>
      <p>Barba closed his eyes, suddenly feeling completely exhausted.</p>
      <p>"We're going to work through this together now," she assured confidently, "…you're not on your own anymore."</p>
      <p> </p>
      <p>
        <em>TBC...</em>
      </p>
      <p> </p>
    </div>
  </div>
</div>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. The Lakehouse</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Barba woke the next morning feeling disorientated and blinked his eyes, he focused in on Noah as he clambered up onto the bed and then reached out his little hand to touch his face.</p><p>"Uncle Rafa…" he asked with concern, "…are you okay? You had a bad dream last night?"</p><p>"I did…" Barba said roughly, then noticed the weight of an arm around his waist and warmth radiating along his back. "I'm sorry if I scared you."</p><p>Noah shook his head, "I don't like that you are sad, Uncle Rafa, but Mommy promised that she would look after you…" He looked over at his mommy, still lying fast asleep behind Barba. "Did Mommy scare away your bad dreams?"</p><p>Barba smiled softly, "Nothing would mess with your Mommy, Noah, she's a superhero."</p><p>Noah laughed happily now, "We're still going on vacation?"</p><p>"Of course we are," Barba said as Olivia hummed softly and then curled against him a little. He regretfully pulled away and made sure she had settled before standing up and stretching. "Mommy looked after us both last night, how about we let her sleep a little longer? I'll get you some breakfast, then while you eat and I can go for a shower." He sniffed his shirt and then exaggerated a genuine grimace, "I <em>really</em> need one!"</p><p>Noah laughed again and Barba lifted his fingers to his lips, asking him to be quiet. The little boy nodded and then happily followed his Uncle Rafa through to the kitchen to watch him prepare his breakfast.</p><hr/><p>Half-an-hour later, Barba sat on the fold-out next to Olivia and reached to tuck some hair behind her ear. "Hey, Liv…," he said softly as she stirred, "…I've brought you a coffee and a toasted bagel with cream cheese."</p><p>She smiled at him and opened her eyes, "Morning…"</p><p>"I'm sorry about last night," he said regretfully as Olivia sat up.</p><p>She shook her head, "We'll talk…we'll sort it out."</p><p>"Thank you, you're…" he paused, "…the best friend I've ever had."</p><p>Olivia smiled and took the bagel, "It was nothing, Rafa."</p><p>He laughed softly and then grimaced, "I can still smell my shirt, you held me all night…that is<em> not</em> nothing."</p><p>She laughed as well now, "I didn't notice."</p><p>He looked at her with an expression that Olivia had seen on his face before but she couldn't exactly decipher, then lifted his hand to the side of her face. "Eat…you wanted to be on the road by 10 so we only have an hour. Noah has already eaten, I'll sort him out while you get ready."</p><p>Olivia smiled, "Do you have any idea what you're doing?"</p><p>Barba laughed softly, "I get myself up and ready all the time, we'll…make it up as we go along."</p><hr/><p>Olivia pulled up near the house and Barba looked around. "This is gorgeous!" He said with a smile.</p><p>"It's just a little lake house, I'm sure nowhere near as impressive as an <em>ADA</em> is used to," Olivia observed with a smirk.</p><p>Barba laughed softly and shook his head," I'm not sure what you think I have become accustomed to, Liv, but I grew up with very little. I may wear nice suits but I still know how to appreciate the most important things." He glanced back at Noah and smiled, "He's been asleep for a while…"</p><p>"Better that he catches up on his rest now, then he can enjoy himself this afternoon," Olivia observed with a shrug.</p><p>Barba sighed, "He did have a disturbed night…"</p><p>Olivia reached over and lay her hand over his, "Stop beating yourself up, Rafa, he's fine…surely you can see that?"</p><p>"The last thing in the world I want to do is scare him," Barba clenched his jaw.</p><p>"You could never scare him," she insisted. "Noah loves you, he's an emotionally sensitive little boy and he's worried for you. The most important gift you can give to him right now is reassuring him that you are okay…and that you are going to talk about what is upsetting you and seek help."</p><p>Barba looked over at her, breathed in deeply through his nose and then nodded.</p><p>"I need you to talk to me as well, Rafael, do you think you can do that?" Olivia asked.</p><p>"I've never…" He paused and closed his eyes, then opened them again and nodded, "…I've never talked about this before...to <em>anyone.</em> I've even held some of it back from my mother."</p><p>Olivia nodded and then surprised him when she reached over to stroke her hand down the side of his face. "Remember, Rafael - no pressure, no judgement - we're family."</p><p>Barba smiled sadly, "Family…" he repeated, almost as though it was an alien word to him.</p><p>"I believe that we have both learned about family the hard way, through experience of the worse kind…" She told him insightfully.</p><p>Barba looked up with surprise in his eyes.</p><p>"I want to give Noah a <em>different</em> experience of family - one based on love, honesty and security," Olivia assured. "I'd like you to be part of that, Rafael. I don't want to shield him from the realities of the world, just ensure that he never feels he has to face them on his own."</p><hr/><p>Barba was sat with Noah on the couch near huge bay windows that overlooked the lake when Olivia approached and sat in front of them on a large oak coffee table.</p><p>"Noah, we need to take a few minutes to have a chat about what happened last night," Olivia glanced at Barba and he nodded assuredly.</p><p>"When Uncle Rafa had his bad dream?" Noah checked.</p><p>"I know that when I had my bad dream I shouted out and that scared you," Barba said regretfully.</p><p>"You woke me up," Noah nodded and then thought for a moment, "…but I think <em>you</em> sounded scared, Uncle Rafa."</p><p>"I don't what you to ever be scared of me, Noah," Barba said to him softly, "…I would never ever hurt you."</p><p>Noah looked at him with wide-eyed bewilderment, "I know that you would never hurt me, Uncle Rafa...we don't hurt people who we love."</p><p>Barba's eyes welled a little and he nodded, "Exactly right, I love you very much, Noah."</p><p>"You never need to be scared when you are with either me or Uncle Rafa," Olivia reassured. "I told Uncle Rafa last night that I believe you are worried about him, is that right?"</p><p>Noah looked at Barba and then nodded sadly, "Uncle Rafa doesn't seem very happy, I think the bad dreams make him sad."</p><p>Barba sighed, "I think maybe I need to be honest with you and explain a little bit about what happened this week and why I think it might have upset me…" He looked up at Olivia, who nodded encouragingly. "On Monday night there was a fire in my apartment building."</p><p>Noah looked distressed and Barba shook his head quickly. "It wasn't a bad fire and I wasn't hurt..." he reassured quickly, "...but it did upset me a little because it reminded me of a fire that we had in my apartment when I was only a little bit younger than you," Barba explained.</p><p>"Were you hurt, Uncle Barba?" Noah asked with concern.</p><p>"I burned my leg a little and breathed in some smoke, which did make me poorly for a few days…but I was very lucky, a fireman came and found me. I was scared, but then I went to sleep and when I woke up I was safe in the hospital and everything was okay."</p><p>He smiled at Noah encouragingly but Olivia was having trouble controlling her own reactions, she was reading between the lines of what Barba was saying and horrified by what he must have gone through at such a young age.</p><p>"So what happened this week reminded you of when you were a little boy?" Noah confirmed.</p><p>"Yes, for a while when I was a little boy I had very bad dreams about that night, now my brain is a little confused and I'm starting to have those bad dreams again," Barba glanced up at Olivia and was surprised to see tears in her eyes. He instinctively reached out and covered her hand with his. "But I'm feeling better all the time, you and your mommy have been looking after me, and when we go back to the city I'm going to get some help and talk to someone about what has been upsetting me."</p><p>"Like a doctor?" Noah asked and then surprised Barba by climbing into his lap and wrapping his arms around his neck.</p><p>"Yes," Barba confirmed and managed to return his hug with one arm as Olivia held onto his hand.</p><p>"I want you to be happy," Noah said a little tearfully.</p><p>Barba held him closer, "I am happy, Noah, I'm on vacation with my two favorite people."</p><p>Noah pulled back and smiled, his eyes welling a little with tears, "Me and Mommy are your favorite people?"</p><p>"Of course," Barba assured, "…and with your help, I'll be back to myself in no time at all."</p><p>"Yourself?" Noah asked.</p><p>'My usual grumpy self," Barba added with a smile.</p><p>Noah frowned, "You aren't grumpy! You're the best!"</p><p>"I bet Mommy thinks I'm a little grumpy at work," he smiled at Olivia.</p><p>Olivia laughed now and grinned at her son, "Uncle Rafa can sometimes be a bit grumpy at work…" she smiled at her friend, "…but that's only because he cares so much about helping people…and even when he is grumpy he reminds me a lot of Eeyore!"</p><p>Barba looked a little horrified.</p><p>"Eeyore?!" Noah laughed.</p><p>"Yes," Olivia grinned at Barba, "…grumpy but still cuddly."</p><p>Noah rolled back on the couch now and laughed loudly. Barba smiled in spite of himself at the sight of his young friend looking so happy. He sighed, "Eeyore? I guess it could be worse."</p><p>Noah grinned at him and nodded, "Uncle Rafa, Mommy always says that Eeyore is her favorite...so maybe you are her favorite too!"</p><hr/><p>Noah had insisted on Barba putting him to bed later that evening. So after Olivia had kissed him goodnight he had sat happily while his friend had animatedly read him a book called Revolting Rhymes - the book really <em>was</em> revolting and Noah had relished every moment.</p><p>When Barba walked back through to look for Olivia after her son had fallen asleep he found her relaxing as she gazed out over the shimmering water.</p><p>"It's beautiful…" Barba observed with a smile as he sat on the other end of the couch.</p><p>Olivia looked over at him and smiled, "I could get used to it."</p><p>"Really?" He was a little surprised. "I imagined that you were Manhattan through and through."</p><p>"I love New York," she agreed and then looked back out at the water. "I am going to retire eventually though and it might be nice to have a change of pace."</p><p>"Try telling my Mother that..." Barba laughed softly.</p><p>"I don't mean turn off from life completely, but a fresh start might be nice. Something away from the city…" she paused for a second and then added, "especially if I had someone to share that journey with."</p><p>Barba nodded, thinking of the men he'd known from her past and wondering if she was regretting any of her choices. He wanted to be a good friend and ask, to encourage her to share her thoughts if she wanted to…but he wasn't sure he could face that conversation right now. He certainly couldn't face listening to Olivia's reflections on what a great life she could have had with Ed Tucker.</p><p>"Hey, are you okay?" Olivia asked with concern and Barba realised that he must have been quiet for longer than he had realised.</p><p>"I'm fine…" Barba tried to force a smile and failed.</p><p>"If you don't want to talk to me tonight you don't have to," Olivia assured. "Hell, you don't have to talk to me at all if you don't want to. We can wait until we get back and I'll make some calls. You can…"</p><p>"There's no one I trust more than you, Liv, so I guess if I don't tell you I won't tell anyone," Barba shrugged.</p><p>Olivia didn't know what he meant by that and frowned.</p><p>"I've never talked to <em>anyone</em> about this," Barba explained, "…my mother knows some of the facts - both generally and about what happen that evening, but only because she was there…to some extent as a participant."</p><p>Olivia nodded silently, wanting to give him space to talk if he needed to. She reached for her glass of wine on the coffee table and took a sip.</p><p>Barba watched her drink and then braced himself to explain. "I…" he paused and then started again, "My father started hitting me when I was about 5..." he looked up and saw Olivia nod, her eyes focused on him earnestly, "…slaps developed into punches…broken ribs were common…the occasional fractured wrist, once my collarbone…and he liked to use his belt…"</p><p>"Rafa…" Olivia gasped breathlessly and Barba watched a tear slide down her cheek. She had guessed that this was rooted in an abusive relationship with his father but had no idea that the brutality was this severe or persistent.</p><p>"He was a drunk, but that's no excuse," Barba acknowledge dispassionately and Olivia simply nodded.</p><p>"It got to the point where I'd spend most of my evenings in my room, which in itself annoyed him, but at least some nights I drifted into the category of out of sight, out of mind," Barba looked up at Olivia and smiled weakly.</p><p>She took a deep breath and nodded, already feeling a little nauseous - then reached over and slipped her hand into his.</p><p>"That night…" Barba closed his eyes as he thought back, "…I was eight. My teacher had given me a book list for school, I'd put off giving him the list for days but time was running out and I knew there would be no point giving it to my mother, he controlled the money in the house…just another way of controlling her."</p><p>Olivia sighed and nodded again, that was a familiar situation in many abusive families.</p><p>"I can't remember the early part of the evening very clearly...but I know that when I gave my father the book list he lost it, lifted me up off the floor and flung me into the kitchen cabinets. X-rays that were taken the next day showed three broken ribs..." He thought back to sitting in his room that evening and traced his fingers thoughtfully over the right side of his torso.</p><p>Olivia stood and moved to sit in front of him on the coffee table, she leaned forward and took both of his hands in hers.</p><p>"This was almost forty years ago, I shouldn't still be…" Barba started to maintain frustratedly.</p><p>"No, Rafa," Olivia said firmly. "This is childhood trauma that I don't think you've ever really dealt with. I know you…I've watched you building a case with adults who have suffered abuse as children. You treat every victim with respect, do the same for yourself."</p><p>Barba looked at her and then nodded slowly, "I took refuge in my bedroom, my mother came in to see me after a while but I pretended to be asleep. Eventually, I did fall asleep, but then I woke and needed a drink. I still remember the relief I felt when I opened the door into the hallway and saw that the lights were off. I assumed that meant my parents had gone to bed, but as soon as I had my class of water my father appeared…if I remember rightly from the days that followed he had continued to drink pretty heavily that night and then had fallen asleep in the living area."</p><p>"He heard you?" Olivia asked.</p><p>"I don't know, maybe it was just bad timing and he came across me on the way to get another drink...but the end result was a cut on my foot from the broken glass and another slap to the head."</p><p>Barba looked down and as she followed his gaze Olivia noticed a long thin scar running over his left foot. Olivia instinctively reached and lifted his foot onto the table between her legs - she traced her fingertips over the scar, it was light but still very visible, the cut must have been deep.</p><p>"Rafa…" Olivia said sadly.</p><p>Barba smiled at her and shrugged. "I hid back in my room and eventually fell asleep. Then, sometime later, I remember waking to the smell of smoke. It was heavy on my chest and I struggled to even sit up in bed. When I eventually got to my bedroom door and opened it the hallway was thick with smoke and fire was beginning to move toward my room from the living area. I could see the fire exit, I'm pretty sure I could have reached it…but I was eight-years-old and I wanted my mom."</p><p>Olivia nodded tearfully, her lips in a tight line.</p><p>"I made my way toward their bedroom…but when I got there she was gone. I remember being confused and frightened, the flames were hot and the smoke was starting to overwhelm me. I didn't know what to do, but I moved down to the floor…"</p><p>Barba closed his eyes but Olivia squeezed his hands, silently telling him to keep his eyes on her.</p><p>"I remember lying choking on the floor, smoke all around me…"</p><p>"Then…?" Olivia prompted.</p><p>"Nothing…" Barba replied, sounding surprisingly casual, "…the next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital the next morning."</p><p>"Rafa…" She shook her head in shock. "Where was your mother?"</p><p>"The fire had been started by a cigarette in the kitchen, it seems that my father woke and tried to get it under control but when that failed he went and got her out…" Barba said simply.</p><p>"He…he saved your mother, but left you in there alone?" Olivia gasped in horror.</p><p>"My mother always claimed that he loved her…" Barba gritted his teeth and clenched his hands under hers. "Love…how is any of this love?"</p><p>"It's <em>not…</em>" Olivia agreed emotionally. "They stayed together?"</p><p>He tilted his head at her thoughtfully and then nodded. "About six months later she almost left him, I think that might have been the broken collarbone..." he reflected casually and Olivia felt her anger rise. "She even got a lawyer..." He looked up at Olivia and she nodded, "but everything was tied up, the money, our home… I genuinely believe the lawyer tried, but my mother ended up changing her mind and going back to him."</p><p>Olivia shook her head, trying desperately not to voice the anger she was feeling toward his mother. Intellectually and even emotionally she understood that Lucia was being abused. She knew as well as most people the damage emotional and financial control could have…but hearing this story was different. Right now she just wanted to <em>do</em> something, to go back in time and protect that little boy. The little boy who would grow up to become <em>this</em> man. Her beautiful, complicated and compassionate friend…who she now understood fought so hard in that courtroom because for so many years he didn't have anyone to fight for him.</p><p>Had he ever really had anyone fighting for him? Even now?</p><p><em>Yes, </em>she told herself firmly, and even if they could never have the relationship she secretly longed for that would not stop her from loving him.</p><p>"Rafa…" She whispered again tearfully and he looked at her, he seemed almost surprised to see her so upset.</p><p>"I didn't mean to upset you or…" He started.</p><p>Olivia laughed humorlessly and shook her head, "You didn't upset me, Rafa." She moved to sit on the couch and wrapped him in her arms with a ferocity that surprised him. "I can't bear it…the thought of him hurting you...or of that little boy so alone and afraid in the dark…" Feeling his arms tighten around her she dropped her face to his shoulder, "I love you, Rafael," she felt him tense and then rushed to clarify, "…you're my closest friend and I want you to know that I'm here, no matter what."</p><p>Barba nodded, silently rebuking himself for the glimmer of hope that had bloomed in his heart when she had whispered those words. <em>Her closest friend,</em> he reminded himself and then focused on that gift. He'd take it, he'd take whatever she had to offer him, it already felt like more than he could ever hope to deserve.</p><p>She pulled back and looked at him, "You've never had any counselling? For that night <em>or</em> the abuse?"</p><p>Barba shook his head, "My mother always led with the mantra that the best way to move on was by leaving the past behind us…she left him a year after I went to college. I believe he moved to Miami and eventually remarried."</p><p>"Is he still…?" Olivia wasn't sure if she wanted to know.</p><p>"A couple of years ago I heard from a cousin that he had passed away...by all accounts, he had pulled his life together, a real pillar of the community…" Barba said with seething resentment.</p><p><em>"Good,"</em> Olivia said coldly and he tilted his head. "I mean that he is already dead. I'm a cop and a mother, I'd hate to have had to track him down and kill him."</p><p>Barba laughed softly and reached to squeeze her hand.</p><p>Olivia didn't add that she wasn't even joking, but she could see that he was surprised when she lifted his hand to her lips and kissed it. "I meant what I told you last night, Rafael, you're not alone in this anymore. If you want my help, my support…anything at all…"</p><p>"That means more to me than I could even begin to put into words," he replied, his voice already sounding stronger.</p><p>They were silent for a few seconds and then Olivia nodded to herself before moving to stand, "I'll just be a moment…"</p><p>Barba sat back, assuming that she was going to the bathroom.</p><p>After a minute, he heard her calling to him softly from down the hallway and frowned before getting up to follow her voice. He knocked on her bedroom door.</p><p>"You don't have to knock," Olivia replied with a soft laugh.</p><p>He opened the door - "You wouldn't be saying that if I'd walked in on you getting changed," Barba noted with a smirk and Olivia turned to smile at him.</p><p>He noticed his things on the bed and shook his head, "Oh no, you're not giving up your bed for me!"</p><p>She rolled her eyes and nodded toward her bag on the floor, "I'm not giving up anything, I didn't want to have this discussion when Noah was still up but you're sleeping in here with me."</p><p>Barba's eyes widened and he shook his head even more forcefully, "Absolutely not."</p><p>"Rafa, I'm not leaving you out there again, not after last night…you know it's better if you're in here with me," Olivia maintained.</p><p>Barba still looked unsure.</p><p>"I promise you can trust me not to take advantage," she teased and then missed whatever he mumbled as he stepped a little closer to the bed. "What was that?"</p><p>"I said I assume that means you trust me?" Barba edited his words carefully.</p><p>"With my life," Olivia assured with a definite tone that made Barba's breath catch. "I'm concerned about you, Rafa, it will make me feel better if you're close."</p><p>Barba closed his eyes and then nodded. He really wasn't sure about this, the whole idea sounded like a form of torture - but he knew that refusal would only offend his friend and invite further questions. What was he meant to say? <em>No, Liv, I can't sleep in the same bed as you because I want you with a hunger that regularly takes my breath away and while I would rather die than hurt you, lying with you so close and not being able to touch you will break my heart over and over again until morning.</em></p><p>Instead, he went with, "I guess…but if you snore I'm moving in with Noah."</p><p>Olivia laughed and nodded, "Deal."</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>TBC…</em>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I created my own backstory on what eventually happened to his father - I didn't want the cannon version to add another level of complication. The main thing - he's dead.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. My Choice</h2></a>
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      <p>Olivia woke the next morning to find herself alone in bed, she could hear talking and laughter out in the living area and closed her eyes again for a few minutes.</p>
      <p>She remembered waking in the middle of the night to find herself lying in his arms. They had obviously moved together during the night and he had felt so warm and comfortable that she couldn't bear the thought of even trying to move. After closing her eyes again she had breathed in his familiar and enticing scent, then thought back to Lucy's words to her a few nights before.</p>
      <p>Was she torturing herself? Allowing herself a glimpse of a level of intimacy that she could never even hope for?</p>
      <p>Her hand had bravely stroked over his chest and then she'd paused when she felt his fingers tighten a little at her hip. For a second, she'd wondered if he was also awake and enjoying this moment of closeness…but had then pushed that thought aside in frustration that she was even trying to fool herself.</p>
      <p>Now Olivia thought back to the feeling of his body under her and shuddered a little before reprimanding herself for even allowing this thought when he was obviously struggling right now and looking to her for support.</p>
      <p>How had she reached the point where she could not even imagine herself with anyone but him? Not even conceive of anyone else pressed against her in the middle of the night. Of anyone but <em>Rafael</em> finally touching her, filling her...</p>
      <p>Her only consolation was the fact that her desire was not based purely on lust but also very deep love. Her insistence that he come to her bed the previous night was out of genuine concern…arguably at the expense of her own peace-of-mind.</p>
      <p>Olivia breathed in again and allowed herself another moment to luxuriate in his distinctive scent before forcibly dragging herself out of bed and sighing with frustration. She felt her core clenching pointlessly and wetness leaking down her inner thigh as she stood tearfully in the middle of the bedroom before she finally turned toward the bathroom to take a shower.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>When Olivia joined Barba and Noah a while later, her son was balanced on a tall kitchen stool shovelling pancakes into his mouth as though they were about to become outlawed.</p>
      <p>"Morning," Olivia said with an amused smile.</p>
      <p>"Mor-in', Mo-ee," Noah replied with his mouth full as he scooped another spoon full of syrup-soaked blueberry goodness into his mouth.</p>
      <p>"Noah!" She reprimanded lightly, laughing and rolling her eyes. "Try to eat nicely and please don't talk with your mouth full."</p>
      <p>Noah smiled at her around his spoon and raised his eyebrows.</p>
      <p>She looked at Barba, "Well, it seems even your breakfasts are a hit."</p>
      <p>Barba's mouth turned up in a half-smile, his eyes glowing at her warmly and causing a little flutter of butterflies in her belly. "Sit down, I've been waiting to cook yours until you came out…I heard the shower going when I went to get my cell."</p>
      <p>Olivia's swallowed and thought back to what she was doing inside that shower while he was apparently just on the other side of the door.</p>
      <p>"Mommy," Noah said excitedly now that he had swallowed, "Uncle Rafa said he would take me out in the boat!"</p>
      <p>Olivia grinned at Barba, "Can I come too? Or is this a boys-only trip?"</p>
      <p>He laughed, "Oh no, you can take your turn on the oars!"</p>
      <p>She grinned and played along, "Oh, isn't that a role for the big strong man?"</p>
      <p>Barba smirked and reached around her to put down a plate of pancakes, she smiled at her food and then closed her eyes as his scent once more flooded her senses.</p>
      <p>"They smell good, right?" Noah observed happily and dug into his final pancake.</p>
      <p>Olivia smiled, managing to hide her guilt and then looked over at Barba as he sat down.</p>
      <p>"I'm a weak and feeble lawyer," Barba joked his eyes glowing with warmth and humor that Olivia could almost feel, "…you're the big tough cop in this created family of ours, so you can take your turn with the oars."</p>
      <p>She laughed and then surprised both of them when she reached over and squeezed his hand. She needed to roll back the physical interactions between them, she thought sadly, this was becoming too natural and familiar.</p>
      <p>"Can we go straight after breakfast?" Noah asked excitedly and then made Olivia's heart skip when he leapt down from the unfamiliarly high chair without help and landed on the floor. When he looked up at Barba and grinned proudly she couldn't help but acknowledge that, in spite of her friend's earlier concerns, he seemed to be playing a role in inspiring her son to push his boundaries and be brave.</p>
      <p>"Tidy up your toys from earlier, wash up and clean your teeth - then when we're cleaned up in here we can all go down and inspect this boat!" Barba declared and Noah ran off excitedly.</p>
      <p>Almost as though realising what he'd just done Barba smiled over at Olivia apologetically, "Sorry, I didn't mean to take the lead with your boy."</p>
      <p>Olivia laughed softly and shook her head, "One more person in his life who Noah actually listens to? I've implicitly invited you to take a more extensive role in his life, Rafa. Although I hope you know that this could lead to babysitting duties."</p>
      <p>Barba smiled and nodded, simultaneously touched and enthusiastic about spending more time with Noah, but also wondering if he would be allowed to stipulate that he would not be available to babysit for dates.</p>
      <p>"What?" Olivia asked when she saw that he looked a little unsure. "You don't have to feel obligated, I was only joking."</p>
      <p>He smiled and shook his head, "No, I'd love to. I have no personal life to speak of," he joked self-deprecatingly, "...I might as well donate a little of my time so that <em>you</em> can. Besides, I enjoy spending time with him."</p>
      <p>Olivia nodded gratefully and then ate while she considered how this would even work. Would she arrange for her friend to babysit only to try and organise a night out when she knew that she would much rather be staying at home spending time with them? It was almost farcical.</p>
      <p>"Let's get cleaned up," she announced a little sadly as she finished her breakfast and then moved to stand.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>Barba climbed into the little boat first and then laughed lightly when the boat rocked and bobbed up and down as first Noah and then Olivia stepped in.</p>
      <p>"So how are we going to do this?" Barba asked.</p>
      <p>Noah clambered over toward him, "I want to paddle with you!"</p>
      <p>"Row," Barba corrected with a smile and then looked over at Olivia who sat back and nodded.</p>
      <p>"I'll just relax here in the sunshine and watch you two do all of the work," she bent down to look into her bag, retrieving her sunglasses and then smiling over at Barba victoriously.</p>
      <p>He wanted to kiss her...he had always wanted to kiss her, but for some reason, at that moment it felt like something that didn't seem completely impossible. <em>What would she do if I really kissed her?</em> His mind drifted dangerously.</p>
      <p>"Uncle Rafa!" Noah broke Barba out of his daydream and he looked down to find the boy already sitting between his legs and holding the oars.</p>
      <p>"S-sorry, Noah," Barba laughed awkwardly and took the oars, looking over at Olivia to see her dropping her glasses down her nose and peering at him with intrigue.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>For more than an hour, they floated around the lake - making a vague attempt to maintain a direction but predominantly just taking turns, laughing and enjoying themselves. Both adults at one point or another reflected on the fact that they felt like a unit...and how wonderful life could be if they really were.</p>
      <p>When they arrived back at the tiny dock just before lunch Barba climbed out first and held onto the boat while Olivia stood to help Noah. As he reached the edge the boy stumbled and started to fall, reaching out to grab onto her top as he fell Olivia caught him with no trouble, but not before he pulled her shirt across and revealed a huge deep bruise on her side.</p>
      <p>Barba's eyes widened and he looked at her sharply.</p>
      <p>Olivia looked at Noah, relieved to see that he had been too distracted to notice, then looked back at Barba and shook her head.</p>
      <p>He glanced at Noah and nodded, but then stared down at where her top now covered her injury and Olivia felt ill at the thought that she was going to have to have this conversation. He would want to know what had happened...and based on his history, she feared that this would break his already fragile heart.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>When Olivia mentioned lunch Noah asked if he could watch TV for a while and then ran off excitedly into a nearby room.</p>
      <p>"Olivia…" Barba said earnestly as soon as they were alone.</p>
      <p>"Rafael, please, we don't need to make a big deal about this," Olivia tried dismissively and walked over to start slicing some bread.</p>
      <p>"Make a big deal?" Barba repeated with a hint of anger. "How the hell did it happen? You said that you've been at your desk all week!"</p>
      <p>"Rafael, please…" She tried again and this time Barba literally reached over to stop her from slicing.</p>
      <p>"No, I need to know what's going on here, you're hiding something and that's not like you…not when it comes to something like this," Barba angled his head to look into her eyes and she averted them and sighed in frustration.</p>
      <p>He waited and eventually she looked back at him, "I just know that you're going to make a big deal about this and it isn't a big deal…really. It was my own fault and I…"</p>
      <p>"Your own fault? It looks like you've been punched! I know bruising like that, Liv, that doesn't just appear from a light tumble or a…" His voice trailed off and he fell silent.</p>
      <p>Olivia felt her heart begin to race as she saw the realisation dawn on his face.</p>
      <p>"Rafa…" She tried to stop his thought process before it spiralled.</p>
      <p>"I did that, didn't I?" He looked like he was going to throw up and Olivia reached out to him even as he pulled away.</p>
      <p>"Please, Rafa, I need you to listen to me…" Olivia tried to speak but her voice was broken.</p>
      <p>"When I had my nightmare… When I woke I was in your arms, I was…" He tried to piece together what had happened as he walked away from her and toward the front door.</p>
      <p>Olivia followed him, "Please, Rafael, I need you to listen to me. This wasn't your fault, I could see that you were having a nightmare - hell, your eyes were open, I think it was a full-on night terror. I knew it could be dangerous to both of us if I approached and tried to wake you, but then I saw the look in your eyes. You were so afraid and I couldn't… I just reached out to you…"</p>
      <p>Her heart broke at his horrified expression when he turned to look at her, his eyes echoed the fear she had seen on his face that night and once more she tried to reach out.</p>
      <p>"Get away from me!" Barba shouted and took a step back, stumbling a little as Olivia grabbed hold of him.</p>
      <p>"Rafa!" She hissed. "Noah will hear you!"</p>
      <p>His face flinched and he closed his eyes. "I can't do this…" he hissed quietly.</p>
      <p>"Can't do what?" Olivia asked, upset and confused.</p>
      <p>"This! Whatever <em>this</em> is!" He waved his hand around. "Playing happy families with you and Noah, acting like this is normal when we both know it's anything but!"</p>
      <p>"Rafa…" Olivia started.</p>
      <p>"This is the one thing I promised myself, Liv, that I would never be like him! That I would never hurt someone I…" He shook his head and started to turn away again.</p>
      <p>Olivia stopped him, gripping onto his jacket as he walked out onto the veranda. "You didn't hurt me, Rafael! You would never hurt me! You were dreaming and lashed out in fear. I should never have tried to wake you, I knew the risk."</p>
      <p>"I should never have put you into that position in the first place!" Barba argued. "This is not your job!"</p>
      <p>"My job? What does that even mean?!" Olivia hissed in frustration. "You seem to be spending a lot of time lately telling me about things I shouldn't be doing, or things that aren't my responsibility. What about me? What about what I want?"</p>
      <p>"I hit you!" Barba growled.</p>
      <p>"No. You. Did. Not." Olivia replied firmly. "This is why I tried to hide this from you...because I knew how you would react! You did not hit me. I repeat...you lashed out during a nightmare when I placed myself in harm's way. My choice. <em>My</em> responsibility."</p>
      <p>"Olivia…" He started to contend.</p>
      <p>"No, Rafael," she brought her hand up to his face and looked into his eyes. "I know exactly who you are, you are <em>not </em>your father. You do not have a violent or malicious bone in your body. I trust you completely…with my life and with the life of my son."</p>
      <p>She lifted her shirt and showed him the bruise on her side.</p>
      <p>He grimaced and tears welled in his eyes.</p>
      <p>Reaching out she took his hand in hers and brought it to cover the bruise, his warmth infusing into her as she let out a gentle sigh. "Rafael…" She said softly.</p>
      <p>He looked up at her and met her gaze with his own slightly bewildered eyes.</p>
      <p>"Your touch is gentle and warm. You are not him, you could <em>never </em>be him," she assured again, "it was an accident."</p>
      <p>His eyes still looked unsure.</p>
      <p>"I need you to trust me," she said softly, his warm hand still over the bruise.</p>
      <p>"Of course I trust you," he replied automatically.</p>
      <p>She nodded, "Then trust me when I tell you that I have complete faith in you, in your humanity, in your capacity to…"</p>
      <p>"...Love," he completed and Olivia noticed for the first time how close he was. Then she saw the look in his eyes and felt her heart speed up. "I would rather die than hurt you," he declared coarsely and moved his hand up from the bruise to the side of her face.</p>
      <p>"I know that you<em> never</em> would," she replied. "Please, believe me, I only hid this from you because I knew that you would be hurt if you found out."</p>
      <p>"I need you to be honest and open with me, especially about something like this," he stated more firmly.</p>
      <p>Olivia nodded, "I'm sorry, I promise I will be."</p>
      <p>"I'm so sorry," he maintained.</p>
      <p>She rested her forehead against his, "Please don't apologise to me, you did nothing wrong."</p>
      <p>"You were trying to help me and you were hurt," he contended, "...no matter how it happened that is unacceptable to me."</p>
      <p>"So, when we get back to the city we can look for advice and I can find out a little more about how to help you. What to do, what <em>not</em> to do…like jump all over you…" she smiled at him weakly and he huffed out a laugh in spite of himself.</p>
      <p>Barba opened his mouth to speak again but then suddenly the door opened and Noah came running out. He paused and looked between the two adults with intrigue - their hands on each other's hips, their foreheads resting together.</p>
      <p>"I thought we were having food?" He asked.</p>
      <p>"Lunch!" Olivia said, suddenly remembering what she was doing.</p>
      <p>When she felt Barba's hand slide from her waist and link lightly with her own she looked back at him with uncertainty.</p>
      <p>"Mommy and I just needed to have a little chat about something important," Barba explained as he let go of her hand and stepped toward Noah. "How about we go and finish up the sandwiches?"</p>
      <p>Noah smiled and nodded, following Barba through into the house and leaving Olivia standing there watching them walk away - her heart was still hammering and her breathing a little fast.</p>
      <p>She'd recognised that look in his eyes, he was upset and vulnerable and that had stripped bear something unmistakable. He had said 'love', she already knew he loved them both but his eyes when he spoke that word seemed to offer her so much more.</p>
      <p>Olivia peered through the window into the kitchen and watched him patiently finish off their lunch with Noah. She thought back to what Lucy had said, just because he hadn't chosen to have a family didn't mean that he didn't want one, and understanding more about his past had led her to begin to realise why he might have been afraid to try.</p>
      <p>He was scared of becoming his father, she thought and closed her eyes. She understood that fear as well as anyone but she also knew her friend and he was not capable of the violence that he had described to her last night. In spite of the cruelty perpetrated against him, Rafael Barba had grown to be a good man.</p>
      <p>The best man she had ever known.</p>
      <p>Having recognised her love reflected in his eyes the concerns she had voiced to Lucy suddenly seemed very real, but she could have everything she had ever wanted with him...and damn she <em>wanted</em> him.</p>
      <p>Maybe once he was their's failure was simply not an option anymore?</p>
      <p>As she made her way over to them Barba looked up and seemed startled by whatever he recognised in her smile. She saw his breath catch and she held his gaze decisively.</p>
      <p> </p>
      <p>
        <em>TBC...</em>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Cook Out</h2></a>
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      <p>They congenially ate their lunch, although Olivia noticed Barba kept looking over at her with intrigue and something else that she could not quite identify.</p>
      <p>Noah chatted happily, talking about what they could do that afternoon, then when he suggested that they set up the BBQ for later that evening and eat outside they both agreed enthusiastically.</p>
      <p>"That sounds lovely," Olivia replied with a smile, "I think there's some seating in an outdoor building around the back of the property, Debbie even mentioned a table and chairs."</p>
      <p>"How do you know Debbie?" Barba asked with casual intrigue.</p>
      <p>"She's a chemistry professor at Hudson, but she volunteers a lot of time and money to the crisis centre Fin and I consult with," Olivia explained. "I've known her for years and she has been trying to encourage me to use this place for almost as long."</p>
      <p>Barba nodded as Noah climbed across him to reach a bowl of chips, clambering over his lap and elbowing him lightly in the chest as he went.</p>
      <p>"Noah!" Olivia warned with humor in her tone, "…careful!"</p>
      <p>Her son glanced over at her, his hand gripping onto the bowl as he pulled it toward him, then he looked up at Barba, "Sorry, Uncle Rafa."</p>
      <p>Barba laughed and shook his head at Olivia, telling her not to worry, "It's fine, Noah, can I have some?"</p>
      <p>Noah nodded and held up the bowl, laughing when Barba opened his sandwich and lined a row of chips up inside. The little boy watched and then immediately started to do the same, then grinned widely as they both took a big bite.</p>
      <p>Olivia laughed and rolled her eyes, her heart privately swelling at the sight of their deepening relationship. It had only been a few days but she was already struggling to imagine what it might be like to go back to it just being her and Noah.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>After lunch, Olivia volunteered to clean up while Noah excitedly took up Barba's invitation to help him set up the BBQ. When she had finished she walked out and found Noah sitting on the floor of the veranda meticulously sorting through some soft cushions for the outdoor seating.</p>
      <p>"Where's Uncle Rafa?" Olivia asked.</p>
      <p>"He told me to look through these," Noah said his tongue sticking out slightly in concentration as he moved his pile onto the decking area, "…I think he went to look for the table."</p>
      <p>"Can you go into my bedroom and look through the window seat for some blankets? Just in case it gets cooler later tonight. I'll go and help Uncle Rafa with the table," Olivia suggested.</p>
      <p>"Sure, Mommy!" Noah replied excitedly and raced off.</p>
      <p>Olivia walked around to the back of the house and smiled when she heard Barba cursing to himself inside the large outbuilding. "Rafa?" She asked poking her head around the door and looking into the relative darkness.</p>
      <p>Barba looked up at her from behind a large wooden table and smiled. "This table hates me…" He grouched and then glared at it like the furniture was conspiring against him.</p>
      <p>Olivia laughed and stepped inside. "Can I help?"</p>
      <p>"If we can just get it out from behind this yard equipment I think it will be fine, I don't want to have to take it all out just for this one table," Barba explained.</p>
      <p>She stepped over a couple of things and joined Barba at the back of the room. "Let's lift together…"</p>
      <p>They lifted it and the table finally moved, shifting to the right suddenly and causing both of them to lose their footing. Letting the table fall forward Barba reached out and grabbed Olivia quickly around the waist, causing her to cry out softly in pain and close her eyes.</p>
      <p>"Liv…" He gasped and swallowed, "…God, I'm sorry. I didn't…"</p>
      <p>She turned to him and shook her head, "No, thank you. I almost fell…"</p>
      <p>"I can do this, you go and help Noah…" Barba said, moving his hands away guiltily and breaking their eye-contact.</p>
      <p>"Rafa…" Olivia said softly and brought her hand up to rest on his chest.</p>
      <p>He sucked in a breath and refused to look at her, "I keep hurting you, I'm a fucking…"</p>
      <p>Olivia's fingers came up to cover his lips and he fell silent in shock.</p>
      <p>"Don't do that," Olivia admonished firmly. "Don't push me away and then try to claim it's for my own protection."</p>
      <p>"Liv," he said softly, his lips moving against her fingertips and causing Olivia to shudder.</p>
      <p>"Rafa, could you…? Do you…?" She sighed and then tried again. "I'd convinced myself that this wasn't even a possibility, you and me. You mean so much to me, more than I had ever even thought was possible…so I can't risk this, not unless you're sure." She sighed and tried to collect her thoughts, "I would never forgive myself if I allowed this to happen and it came between you and Noah."</p>
      <p>Barba looked shocked, "Olivia, are you saying…" his breathing was heavy and she watched in fascination as his pupils dilated and his lips hung open against her fingers.</p>
      <p>"I want you," she swallowed, "…I want you so badly. I've held back out of respect of our friendship and out of respect for your relationship with Noah, but I'm beginning to lose my resolve," she smiled and her breath caught as she licked her lips and stepped forward, crowding him back a couple of steps against the wall. "I want you…" she repeated tearfully.</p>
      <p>"Liv…" Barba breathed out, clearly struggling to process what she was saying.</p>
      <p>"I can't bear to watch you in pain..." She whispered bringing her fingers down from his lips but holding his gaze firmly, "…I'm so in love with you and I just want to make…"</p>
      <p>Barba groaned and covered her lips with his, his hand moving to her hips and gripping firmly as he immediately thrust into her mouth and swallowed her answering moan.</p>
      <p>Her fingers combed into his hair and gripped eagerly, lifting one leg to wrap around his thigh and tug him against her while her mind tried to process the intoxicating taste of him. Their tongues tangled urgently, their breathing quickly shortening and becoming more difficult as they both tried to keep up and accept that this was <em>finally</em> happening.</p>
      <p>Barba groaned as they broke apart, then hummed and dropped his head back against the wall as her mouth moved eagerly down his throat. "'Livia…" he gasped in wonder as she kissed, nibbled and sucked on his skin in a way he never even dreamed was possible. "I've never…"</p>
      <p>One hand trailed around his waistband and then slipped up inside his shirt, clawing his back as she arched her body against him. "If we want this...if you want this…" She desperately tried to complete thoughts and words.</p>
      <p>"If I want you?" He asked in shock and threaded his fingers into her hair. "You're…" He paused and shook his head, then revised his words, "You and Noah are everything to me, you're my family…you're…" He pressed a teasing kiss to her lips and then looked at her with a sparkling smile, "I adore you…"</p>
      <p>Her lips covered his again as they fell back together - hands stroking, gripping and clawing with overflowing desire.</p>
      <p>"Mommy? Uncle Rafa?" Noah called out as he approached the outbuilding and Barba and Olivia leapt apart breathing heavily.</p>
      <p>"Noah…" Barba gasped needlessly as they searched each other's faces and tried to calm down.</p>
      <p>"Noah," Olivia repeated with a smirk and licked her lips, "...my son has awful timing."</p>
      <p>"¡Dios!" Barba's mouth turned up in a half-smile. "You're sure about this?" He asked and grazed his bottom lip with his teeth.</p>
      <p>"Oh God, yes…" Olivia replied deeply, with a hunger that Barba had never even dreamed was possible.</p>
      <p>He groaned and rolled his eyes, "L-later?"</p>
      <p>She took a breath and nodded, swallowing hard as she heard Noah's footsteps outside, "Later, we'll talk…we'll…"</p>
      <p>"God, yes…" Barba breathed out and then looked up as Noah appeared in the doorway.</p>
      <p>"Uncle Rafa, is Mommy in here?" Noah asked when he walked in.</p>
      <p>Barba looked over at Olivia and smiled, "Yes, Mommy is here, we're pulling out this big table for dinner."</p>
      <p>Noah followed Barba's eyes and smiled when he saw his mommy in the corner. "I found <em>all</em> of the blankets and pulled them outside…" he paused and tilted his head, "Mommy, you look hot…and you are breathing funny."</p>
      <p>Olivia coughed and glanced at Barba, who's eyes were sparkling.</p>
      <p>"We've been moving the table," Olivia explained weakly, "…it's…heavy."</p>
      <p>Noah looked over at Barba and nodded, "Uncle Rafa looks hot too…"</p>
      <p>Olivia moved to grab hold of the table again and looked back at Barba, who had also burst into action. "Baby, can you hold the door open for us?"</p>
      <p>Noah rushed to open the door and held it as the grown-ups carried the table through.</p>
      <p>Once the table had been set up near the BBQ Noah noticed that the grownups were looking at each other strangely, then they both suddenly turned to him.</p>
      <p>"We need…chairs!" Olivia announced with what Noah thought seemed like an unusual level of excitement for furniture.</p>
      <p>Noah looked to his Uncle Rafa who nodded hastily, "Absolutely, of course...we need chairs!"</p>
      <p>"Can I go play on the swing set for a while?" Noah asked with a smile, wondering if he could escape chores now - considering the grownups seemed to be enjoying them so much.</p>
      <p>"Absolutely!" Olivia agreed with extraordinary enthusiasm that made Noah chuckle. "You go and play, while Uncle Rafa and I…get chairs."</p>
      <p>Noah looked between them both with amusement, then turned and walked away - Mommy and Uncle Rafa seemed to really like outdoor furniture.</p>
      <p>They both rushed quickly toward the outbuilding, almost colliding as they tried to get through the door. Then Olivia laughed when Barba turned them both quickly and walked her back against the wall.</p>
      <p>"God, Liv…" he groaned deeply and then covered her lips again.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>Barba walked out of the house with two bowls of salad and straight over to Olivia, who was turning the meat on the BBQ. "Having fun?" He smiled and then after checking that Noah was suitably distracted tilted his head and kissed her neck.</p>
      <p>Olivia shuddered a little at the sensation of his lips on her pulse point and then nodded. "Mmmmm…" She turned and smiled at him, "Woman. Make fire. Cook meat."</p>
      <p>Barba laughed and walked away, placing the bowls on the table and then picking up their tray of raw meat. Joining her back at the BBQ he picked up three burgers with a fork and dropped them onto the grill. Then as he was about to turn away she knocked him with her hip.</p>
      <p>He glanced up and saw her tilt her neck to the side in invitation. He smiled and leaned in, pressing his lips to her neck again and slowly trailing them up behind her ear, nuzzling into her hair.</p>
      <p>"Uncle Rafa, what are you doing?" Noah asked casually as he walked over, nibbling on some carrot he had picked out of one of the salad bowls.</p>
      <p>"I…" Barba started, then trailed off and looked at Olivia with wide eyes.</p>
      <p>"Uncle Rafa was just giving Mommy a little kiss," she said her eyes twinkling at Barba before turning her focus back to her son, "…saying thank you for cooking the food."</p>
      <p>Noah scrunched up his face and laughed, "On your <em>ear?"</em></p>
      <p>Olivia chuckled and bit her lip, "Well, I think maybe he was aiming for my cheek and missed?" She suggested.</p>
      <p>"Silly Uncle Rafa!" Noah laughed.</p>
      <p>"Yes," She grinned at Barba, who rolled his eyes at her with amusement.</p>
      <p>"Okay, okay…dinner in five minutes, why don't you go and wash your hands?" Barba suggested.</p>
      <p>Noah turned and ran for the house.</p>
      <p>"Hey, Noah!" Barba added as the boy reached the door.</p>
      <p>Noah paused and turned back.</p>
      <p>"Can you stop off and get us each a soda on the way back out?" He asked.</p>
      <p>"Sure, Uncle Rafa!" Noah said happily and ran inside.</p>
      <p>"Silly?" He turned to look at Olivia with an arched eyebrow.</p>
      <p>"Mmmmmmm," she smiled and glanced down at his lips as he edged closer again, "…<em>very</em> silly."</p>
      <p>He smiled against her mouth and then tilted his head slightly and deepened their kiss, his tongue sweeping inside before he pulled back reluctantly and smiled at her.</p>
      <p>"Extremely silly…" she murmured flirtatiously and licked her lips.</p>
      <p>"I love your son, but how long until his bedtime?" Barba asked roughly.</p>
      <p>Olivia glanced down at her watch, "At least three hours, especially as we're having a cook out…we can't send him to bed too early."</p>
      <p>He smiled and shrugged in acceptance, "I know and I wouldn't really want to...I want to enjoy our evening together, but…"</p>
      <p>"I know, me too…" Olivia agreed and quickly kissed him again.</p>
      <p>"Now that I know I can have you I can't seem to focus on anything else…" His hand stroked lightly up her side and she leaned into him. "I just want to kiss you...for hours…<em>everywhere."</em></p>
      <p>Shuddering breathlessly she closed her eyes and leaned into him. "We still need to talk, Rafa," she pointed out, trying to keep her head.</p>
      <p>"We will...I have so much I want to say to you, mi amor, " he added earnestly.</p>
      <p>"Rafael…" She whispered sounding almost tearful.</p>
      <p>"Later," he added, then he leaned in and nipped her earlobe. "Liv…"</p>
      <p>"Mmmmm…?" She asked tilting her neck back again.</p>
      <p>"You're going to burn our dinner…" He teased.</p>
      <p>She smiled and laughed, then lightly slapped his bicep, "Then stop distracting me with images of all the amazing things you plan to do with your lips!"</p>
      <p>He smiled and she felt his teeth graze her throat. "Okay, okay…" He kissed her one last time and then pulled back.</p>
      <p>Olivia looked over at the pile of blankets near the door. "I bet it's going to be a nice night tonight." She gazed up at the clear blue sky, "How about after we get Noah to bed we set those blankets up down by the lake?"</p>
      <p>"Sounds perfect," Barba agreed.</p>
      <p>"We can talk…" She added with a smile.</p>
      <p>"Talk<em> first,"</em> he clarified.</p>
      <p>She smiled, "Counteroffer?"</p>
      <p>He raised his eyebrows.</p>
      <p>"A little fun first, <em>then</em> talk, then more fun…?" She submitted.</p>
      <p>He smirked and scanned her body hungrily, "Accepted."</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>Later that evening Barba, Olivia and Noah all sat outside enjoying the warm evening. Soft music played on Olivia's phone nearby as Noah sat on his Mommy's lap while his Uncle Rafa regaled them both with a story he had read recently about a dog from Michigan who had travelled across two state lines before finding his family's campsite and joining them on their vacation.</p>
      <p>"He must have <em>really</em> liked camping!" Noah laughed.</p>
      <p>"Either that or he really missed his family!" Barba suggested and smiled up at Olivia.</p>
      <p>"Do you like camping, Uncle Rafa?" Noah asked excitedly.</p>
      <p>Barba shrugged, "I've never been, my family didn't really take vacations."</p>
      <p>Noah frowned, "Why not?"</p>
      <p>"We didn't have a lot of money, Noah, so we couldn't afford things like trips away," Barba explained honestly.</p>
      <p>Noah looked sad, "Is that why you had to come on vacation with us? Because I think you could come on all of our trips from now on…don't you think, Mommy?"</p>
      <p>Olivia smiled with amusement and then nodded, "Sure he can…"</p>
      <p>Barba laughed softly, "When I grew up I went to college and got a good job, Noah. I can afford vacations now…but I'd still rather hang out with you."</p>
      <p>"Can we go camping for our <em>next </em>vacation?" Noah suggested eagerly.</p>
      <p>"We haven't finished this one yet!" Olivia distracted him and smiled at Barba apologetically.</p>
      <p>He shook his head, "I'm sure that we could go camping one day," he assured Noah, "…but I might need you to show me how to put a tent up!"</p>
      <p>Noah looked at him with wide eyes, "Uncle Rafa, I'm not sure that I know how!"</p>
      <p>Barba glanced at Olivia and then back at Noah, "I think Mommy might be able to look after us, she's very clever."</p>
      <p>"Can you, Mommy?" Noah asked brightly.</p>
      <p>"I think I'll be able to sort something out," she assured with a smile for both of them. Then she looked at the time, "Noah, sweetheart, it's gone 9 - time for you to go to bed."</p>
      <p>"Awwwww, Mommy!" Noah pouted and looked to his Uncle Rafa.</p>
      <p>"No looking at Uncle Rafa for backup, we are a united front!" Olivia teased firmly. "It's already late - teeth and bed!"</p>
      <p>"Story?" Noah tried his luck.</p>
      <p>"It's gone 9," Olivia repeated, "…and you've <em>just</em> had a story from Uncle Rafa. You have a whole day here tomorrow until we travel home in the evening, get to bed so that you can enjoy it."</p>
      <p>Noah sighed and then stood to walk inside.</p>
      <p>"Five minutes and Uncle Rafa will come to tuck you in!" Olivia told him with a smile and now he grinned.</p>
      <p>He walked back over and hugged her, "Goodnight, Mommy, I love you!"</p>
      <p>"Love you too, baby boy," she said and returned his embrace, "…see you in the morning."</p>
      <p>As soon as Noah disappeared inside Barba moved toward her on his knees with a gleam in his eyes.</p>
      <p>"Oh no! We need to clean this up!" She moved back and stood to dodge him, laughing at the pathetic look on his face, he looked almost as pitiful as Noah when she'd told him it was bedtime. "Help me tidy and I'll clean up…then if Noah asks you <em>really</em> nicely you can do one story."</p>
      <p>Barba walked over to her, kissed her neck and smiled, "You're such a pushover, lieutenant."</p>
      <p>Olivia stepped back again and laughed, "Only for you two, you both have me wrapped around your little fingers!"</p>
      <p>He smiled proudly, "Liv, I…"</p>
      <p>She shook her head, "Clear up first, then Noah," Olivia repeated firmly, "...I have plans for tonight."</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>Barba came back outside about half-an-hour later to see if Olivia was down by the lake. He couldn't see her, so walked around the veranda and finally found her setting up blankets and throw cushions on a porch swing facing the water.</p>
      <p>He stood and leaned against the wall near the corner and watched as she lit a large candle in a jar and then pulled a plastic bucket of ice nearer to the seat before pushing in a bottle of wine and carefully lining up two wine glasses nearby.</p>
      <p>"Hey," he said softly and smiled when she jumped and looked over at him in surprise.</p>
      <p>"I didn't hear you coming…" she stated obviously and then laughed with what he was surprised to see was a little uncharacteristic nervousness.</p>
      <p>"Sorry," he smiled affectionately. "Quite a setup you have here…"</p>
      <p>"I thought it might be better to stay near the house in case Noah needs us…" Olivia looked around her and shrugged, "…but no harm in getting comfortable and enjoying a little of the great outdoors."</p>
      <p>He followed her gaze out to the lake and nodded.</p>
      <p>"Is Noah…?" She started to ask already feeling a little flushed.</p>
      <p>"Sleeping…" Barba replied and then moved to sit down.</p>
      <p>Olivia smiled and took her place next to him, leaning into his side and closing her eyes.</p>
      <p>"It is beautiful…" he observed happily and Olivia was surprised to feel tears welling in her eyes. Almost sensing her reaction he turned and pulled back to look at her, "Hey, are you okay?"</p>
      <p>She smiled and rolled her eyes, "I'm fine, my emotions have been running a little wild over the last few days."</p>
      <p>His eyes scanned her face earnestly, "You know that we can put all of this on hold if you aren't sure?"</p>
      <p>She laughed softly and reached up to rest her hand on his cheek, "My emotions have been running wild <em>because</em> of how I feel about you, Rafa. Watching you in pain, hearing you talk about everything you went through as a child…and then beginning to realise that you might actually share my feelings…that's a lot to process."</p>
      <p>Barba laughed in wonder and then shook his head, "I can't imagine that it's possible <em>not</em> to love you."</p>
      <p>Olivia beamed as she leaned in to kiss him, "Well, I can promise you that it's more than possible…but I'm very happy for you to remain bewildered by that."</p>
      <p>His smiling lips trailed lightly over her forehead, then over her temple and down her cheek.</p>
      <p>"We need to talk…" Olivia reminded him as she turned to lean against the cushions.</p>
      <p>Barba turned to lay his arm along the back of the seat and gazed at her thoughtfully, "What did you want to talk about?"</p>
      <p>She smiled, "You don't think we <em>need</em> to talk?"</p>
      <p>He scanned her face and then nodded, "I guess, but for my part, it's pretty simple - I'm in love with you, Liv. I have been for a while and I'll take whatever you are willing to give me."</p>
      <p>"Whatever I am willing to give you? That seems awfully one-sided. What about Noah?" Olivia asked.</p>
      <p>"Olivia, I'm all in…with you and with Noah. This is something I'd almost given up hoping for, but if you are willing to make room for me in your lives then I will…"</p>
      <p>She paused his words with her fingers on his lips and shook her head, he looked hurt and panic so she rushed to explain. "This is why a want us to talk, to hear you speak it sounds like I'm graciously doing you a favor."</p>
      <p>He went to speak and she shook her head.</p>
      <p>"Rafa, I've been drawn to you for a very long time…" He looked a little surprised but she ploughed on, "Initially I held back because of our work, later because of our friendship, then finally because of Noah." Barba frowned and she could tell that he had assumed she'd been holding back because she was worried he wouldn't be a good father to her son. "No, Rafa, I could see how attached he was becoming too you and I couldn't risk hurting him if I messed this up."</p>
      <p>Barba reached out and rested his hand on her hip.</p>
      <p>"Rafa, the way I feel about you…" she breathed in and scanned his face slowly, "…it scares me. I've never felt like this, I want you in a way I've never experienced before, but your friendship means so much to me and your relationship means so much to Noah…" A tear slid down her cheek, "I need this to work, Rafa, I couldn't bear to lose you."</p>
      <p>Barba swallowed heavily and tried to form words, he hadn't been expecting a declaration of love like that - he had told her that he would accept anything and she had offered him everything.</p>
      <p>"Rafael, I know things are difficult for you right now, so if<em> you </em>need time," she started to speak when he didn't answer.</p>
      <p>He shook his head quickly, "I didn't think I'd ever…"</p>
      <p>"As I heard you talk about the way your father treated you I felt this burning rage building inside me. That man was given <em>you</em>. This beautiful little boy…and he dared to hurt you, to make you feel deserving of anything less than love and respect. You've spent your life trying to push that to one side and not deal with the consequences, my love. Will you let me help you? Me and Noah? Let us show you unconditional love while we work through this together?"</p>
      <p>Barba's breath caught in his throat and he looked at her and acknowledged the truth behind her words for the first time. He'd spent so many years convinced that he was unworthy of Olivia Benson that he had never even considered the possibility that her feelings were equally powerful.</p>
      <p>The thought had been inconceivable to him that this amazing woman would ever see anything more than a damaged workaholic who had spent his life on the outskirts of every society he had mixed in, always finding his place but never allowing himself to completely fit in…until now.</p>
      <p>"Liv…" Barba whispered softly and nuzzled against the side of her face. "Te quiero con todo mi corazón, Olivia…<em>everything.</em> I never even allowed myself to dream that I could have this with someone like you."</p>
      <p>Olivia reached up with one hand and traced the side of his face with her fingertips. "Eres divino…" she grinned at him and he laughed.</p>
      <p>He smiled against her neck, kissing and exploring lazily before settling next to her as they relaxed into a slow and languid exploration.</p>
      <p>"Mi vida…" Barba finally breathed against her lips and closed his eyes.</p>
      <p>She directed him wordlessly to lie back, then settled alongside him and rested her head on his shoulder. Her hand came up to lay on his chest as they both looked out over the water.</p>
      <p>"I woke up last night and found you lying next to me like this," Barba reminisced softly. "I felt like I should have moved, that you were asleep and didn't know what you were doing…but, damn, you felt amazing and right at that moment I couldn't bring myself to even try to be a better man."</p>
      <p>Olivia laughed and he looked down at her and smiled, "What?"</p>
      <p>"Rafa, I was awake…" She laughed and closed her eyes as she turned her face into his chest.</p>
      <p>"Seriously?" He grinned.</p>
      <p>"Feeling you up <em>and</em> feeling guilty that I was taking advantage of your body," she was still laughing softly but now grazed her teeth over his shirt.</p>
      <p>"Oh God, we're as bad as each other!" Barba ran his fingers through her hair and felt almost overwhelming joy.</p>
      <p>Olivia moved up a little and rested her forearms on his chest, she smiled down at him and then leaned to press a soft kiss to his lips. "Do you want to know what I was doing in the shower when you came in to get your phone this morning?"</p>
      <p>He looked at her for a second and then realisation dawned in his eyes.</p>
      <p>"I mean this with complete respect, my love, but sleeping in the same bed as you was driving me a little crazy…" Olivia smirked and Barba watched her eyes sparkle.</p>
      <p>"Jesus, Liv…" Barba moaned and stretched up to catch her lips in a burning kiss.</p>
      <p>"Sei l'unico per me," Olivia whispered against his lips.</p>
      <p>"Show off," Barba grinned and slid his hand down to her ass.</p>
      <p>"Facciamo l'amore," she retorted eagerly and watched his breath catch.</p>
      <p>"Olivia…" Barba gasped.</p>
      <p>"Make love to me, Rafa," she repeated more seriously and dropped the Italian. "Let's see how much fun sharing a bed can be when we're finally allowed to touch."</p>
      <p> </p>
      <p>
        <em>TBC…</em>
      </p>
      <p> </p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Partners</h2></a>
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      <p>Several minutes later, Olivia arched up and groaned against Barba's shoulder when his hand slipped between her legs.</p>
      <p>"God, Rafa! We can't do this out here…what if Noah wakes up?" She moaned and tried to control a joyful laugh as her nails scratched across the nape of his neck.</p>
      <p>"If you want <em>me</em> to stop then <em>you</em> need to stop doing that," Barba retorted with a smirk before covering her lips again.</p>
      <p>"Rafa, the last thing I want you to do is stop, which is exactly why I need you to move before I lose my resolve," Olivia arched her body toward him, the need to be as close as possible was almost overwhelming.</p>
      <p>Barba shuddered a little as he moved to stand and then held out his hand, "Okay then, let's go..."</p>
      <p>Olivia rose quickly and then paused as they began to move toward the door, "Wait, the candle!" She bent to blow out the flame and then licked her thumb and finger before checking it was completely out.</p>
      <p>"Safety first..." Barba observed with affectionate amusement as he turned her toward the wall, linking their fingers lightly and holding her hands up on either side of her head as he leaned in for a teasing kiss. He couldn't help but wonder if Olivia had been thinking of him when she had so carefully extinguished the candle, then seeing the reflective smile on her face as he pulled back he knew that she had.</p>
      <p>"I can't promise you much about what the future holds for us, Rafa…" she paused as if not sure whether to voice her next thought, but then pushed on, "…but I <em>can</em> promise that I will never willingly leave you behind."</p>
      <p>His breath caught and then Barba swallowed heavily, her words meant so much on so many levels that he struggled to process them for several moments as his hand came up to trace the side of her face. "Let's go…" He repeated softly, leaving one hand linked as he tugged her gently toward the door.</p>
      <p>Olivia smiled when she trailed slightly behind him as they walked quickly through to their bedroom.</p>
      <p>"Uncle Rafa…" Noah said sleepily as he padded through the unfamiliar kitchen rubbing his eyes.</p>
      <p>Barba instinctively began to pull his hand away and was surprised when Olivia held it firmly in hers as her son approached.</p>
      <p>"…I need a drink," Noah blinked and then smiled when he noticed his mom following up behind his honorary uncle. "Mommy, have you and Uncle Rafa been telling ghost stories?"</p>
      <p>Jacob from school had told Noah all about his camping trip a few weeks ago and how the big kids had been able to stay up and tell ghost stories, but his friend had been told that he was too young to stay up so he had been sent to bed early.</p>
      <p>Olivia smiled, a little confused by the suggestion, but then shook her head, "Uncle Rafa and I have been having a nice long grown-up chat while watching the moon shine on the lake."</p>
      <p>Noah scrunched up his nose, "Boring grown-up chat?"</p>
      <p>Barba smiled when Olivia tightened her grip on his hand for a second, but then she slipped free and walked over to pick up her son. "Oof, you're getting big!" She teased as she guided him toward the kitchen cabinet, then she sat Noah on the counter before she reached for a glass and poured him some water. She glanced back at Barba and was surprised to see a little reflective sadness had filtered into his smile.</p>
      <p>"Why would you think our chat would be boring?" Olivia asked Noah with amusement.</p>
      <p>"Jacob said that grown-ups talk about boring things like DIY and pipes...and money…and that weird man on TV who <em>really</em> likes helicopter rides," Noah explained.</p>
      <p>"Well, we weren't talking about any of those things…also, I think the 'weird man' you're talking about might be the President of the United States, so maybe we can circle back on that tomorrow…?" Olivia heard Barba chuckle a little now and she smiled. "Uncle Rafa is Mommy's best friend, do you get bored talking to your best friend?"</p>
      <p>Noah grinned now, he laughed and then seemed to reflect for a moment. "I never get bored talking to Uncle Rafa either, could he be my best friend too?"</p>
      <p>Olivia smirked, "Hmmmmm…I always share my popcorn, I might share my chocolate and when you are very good I even give you a scoop of my favourite ice cream…but I'm afraid Uncle Rafa is <em>all</em> mine!"</p>
      <p>Noah shrieked with laughter as his mom tickled him, then lifted him up and threw him over her shoulder.</p>
      <p>"Uncle Rafa! <em>Help!"</em> Noah shouted in-between shrieks of laughter.</p>
      <p>Barba watched them with a broad-affectionate smile and shook his head. "You're on your own, amigo," he teased lightly and stepped over to pick up the glass of water as Olivia walked her son quickly through to his bedroom.</p>
      <p>She dropped him carefully onto his bed and then smiled down at him, "Under the covers, it's late."</p>
      <p>Noah scrambled under his sheets and smiled up at the two adults as Barba handed him his drink. "Tomorrow can we have a <em>breakfast</em> cookout?" He suggested after two big gulps of water, then he put down the glass.</p>
      <p>"You're going to be a good boy and go s<em>traight</em> to sleep?" Olivia asked and Noah nodded emphatically. "I'm going to set my alarm for 8 am, as it's Sunday let's aim for a Brunch cookout, okay?"</p>
      <p>"What's br-unch?" Noah tried the unfamiliar word out.</p>
      <p>"It's halfway between BR-eakfast and Lu-UNCH," Barba emphasised the words as he explained and then stepped up to tuck him in, "…<em>Brunch</em>. So we get even more yummy food!" He smiled and leaned down to kiss the little boys temple so naturally that Olivia felt tears well in her eyes.</p>
      <p>"Sleep now…if you need us Uncle Rafa and I will be having a sleepover in the big room, okay?" Olivia assured and stroked over his head.</p>
      <p>Noah blinked, already looking like he was struggling to keep his eyes open. He spoke around a yawn, "Soooo…now that Uncle Rafa is your best friend he will have sleepovers when we get home?"</p>
      <p>Olivia glanced at Barba but then nodded at her son, "Would that be okay with you?"</p>
      <p>Noah's eyes blinked and he curled into his pillow with a small smile on his face, "Love Uncle Rafa...he's the best…does that mean I can have a sleepover wiv Jacob too?"</p>
      <p>Olivia smirked back at Barba and rolled her eyes, "Sure, we'll talk about it when we get home, maybe talk to Jacob's daddies in the week, okay?"</p>
      <p>Noah smiled and almost silently replied, "Nigh-Nigh…luv oo…"</p>
      <p>Olivia looked back at Barba, brought her finger up to her lips and then nodded toward the door - they both carefully slipped out and she pushed the door closed quietly. As soon as it was shut she walked Barba back up against the wall, "Where were we?"</p>
      <p>He grinned at the gleam in her eyes. "Barely even skipping a beat?" He teased.</p>
      <p>She smiled as her lips traced lightly over his, "We have…" she glanced at her watch, "…seven hours…"</p>
      <p>Barba laughed, "Someone has extremely high expectations…"</p>
      <p>Eyes dancing with hunger and amusement she slipped her hand down to stroke lasciviously over his rapidly hardening cock. "Much more than expectations, Rafa."</p>
      <p>His eyes closed as his head craned back against the wall, "God, Liv…" he groaned.</p>
      <p>Slipping her hand into his she tugged him eagerly toward the bedroom at the end of the hall. "I love that this is happening here…" Olivia observed as she fumbled with the lock and then smiled at him with a victorious grin when it slipped into place.</p>
      <p>Barba quirked up an eyebrow as she stalked toward him.</p>
      <p>"I've only ever slept in this room with you," she clarified, "…this feels like <em>our</em> room." Olivia reached down and began to slip open her shirt buttons as she kept walking forward, crowding him backwards toward the bed. "I know that I'm going to enjoy this evening even more."</p>
      <p>Barba rolled his eyes and laughed as he quickly began to assist her in removing the shirt. "Are you trying to kill me?"</p>
      <p>"Where'd be the fun in that?" Olivia teased and reached for the button on his jeans, quickly moving on to carefully pull down the zip, her hand slipped inside without warning and stroked his already eager length. "I have so many plans for you..."</p>
      <p>"Dios, Liv…" Barba groaned and thrust toward her, "…too late, I'm dead."</p>
      <p>She laughed and ghosted her lips over his, "All evidence to the contrary, counsellor...you feel <em>very </em>alive to me."</p>
      <p>He pulled her close, then grazed his teeth under her ear as his hands wrapped around her hips, "You've not exactly seen me at my best over the last few days, mi amor."</p>
      <p>"My fearless ADA?" Olivia smiled wolfishly and then bit her lower lip as she felt him straining against her.</p>
      <p>He laughed, "I don't think anyone has ever seen me the way you do, Liv."</p>
      <p>"Good," she gasped when he turned her quickly and she fell back onto the bed, "…I think where you're concerned I might be inclined to be a little possessive."</p>
      <p>"Possessive?" Barba teased with amusement as he tugged down her pants and underwear then crawled back over her and gazed down hungrily. Her hips thrust up toward him when his fingers drove between her legs and stroked through her soaking core.</p>
      <p>"Fuck, Rafa…me haces mojada..." her eyes rolled back in her head and she laughed with uncontrolled joy. One long broad finger slid smoothly and deeply inside her, then withdrew and was joined by another.</p>
      <p>"So sexy when you talk to me in Spanish…" Barba muttered breathlessly as he watched while his fingers curled and thrust smoothly and quickly inside her. Within moments he felt her walls clench around and then her teeth bite into his shirt when she came with unexpected ferocity.</p>
      <p>As her breathing began to even out, Olivia groaned when she felt his fingers slide slowly from her and then watched as he sucked them clean, his eyes closing in pleasure.</p>
      <p>Moments later, he pressed his mouth to hers and she tasted herself on his eager lips. She reached up and stroked her hand into his hair, "You are so beautiful."</p>
      <p>Barba tilted his head and looked at her, his eyes dancing with love and wonder. "You're…" he took a moment, "…extremely overdressed…" he smiled with humor dancing in his eyes and nodded down at her bra.</p>
      <p>"I'm overdressed?" She laughed and looked over his fully-clothed body. "Rafa, you're the one who is holding out on me."</p>
      <p>"Liv, we need to slow down if you want this to last…" The corner of his mouth turned up into a half-smile and Olivia's hand came up, her fingers slowly tracing over the curve of his lips.</p>
      <p>She edged up toward him, "This <em>is</em> going to last, Rafa. Tonight, tomorrow…forever(?)" she trailed off with a hint of uncertainty in her voice, then rallied "...just be here with me now, we've waited long enough."</p>
      <p>He looked at her steadily for a few moments and then nodded decisively, moving away and standing to quickly strip his shirt, pants and underwear - watching as Olivia kept her eyes trained on him while unclipping and tossing her bra to one side.</p>
      <p>Olivia licked her lips as she glanced down at his length, then laughed when he leapt back over her and immediately stroked through her core again.</p>
      <p>"God, Liv, you're…." he groaned, "you're…" Barba thrust his fingers back into her core more forcefully than before, his tongue pushing back into her mouth.</p>
      <p>"Speechless, counsellor?" Olivia finally gasped and then closed her eyes when he shifted forward suddenly and she felt his shaft move through her folds and then stroke over her clit.</p>
      <p>"Oh God, I need to get…" He started to move away but she gripped him tighter.</p>
      <p>"You, just you…" Olivia whispered softly and stretched up to trace her lips down his throat...she took a moment to just breathe in his scent. "I trust you completely, Rafa…and I can't…" she breathed in again and then repeated, "…just you, I need to feel <em>you</em> inside me."</p>
      <p>"Liv?" Barba checked, feeling his heart speed up even more.</p>
      <p>She nodded assuredly and then held her breath when she felt him line up with her entrance.</p>
      <p>"I love you, mi vida…" he said confidently, "…I always will."</p>
      <p>Olivia stretched to kiss his lips - their breaths blending and foreheads leaning against each other as he slowly began to push inside her.</p>
      <p>"Rafael…" she breathed tearfully, "…you feel amazing."</p>
      <p>He slowly pushed home and then took a moment, "I want this to be good for you…"</p>
      <p>She laughed breathlessly, "This is already <em>perfect,</em> Rafa."</p>
      <p>He shook his head, "You don't understand, I've never…never felt this way before, nunca me he sentido así. I want…"</p>
      <p>"Make love to me, Rafa, we'll have the rest of our lives...I promise..." She groaned as she felt him gradually begin to pull out. "Yes…"</p>
      <p>After a few short thrusts Olivia could tell that he was still holding back. She ran her teeth over the stubble on his jaw, then pulled back and looked at him heatedly. "Rafa…" she gasped. Then, because she knew what it would do to him, she brought her mouth to his ear and murmured, her lips tracing his skin lightly, "Mi amor, cojeme mas duro…"</p>
      <p>Barba growled and pulled back, thrusting into her with a strength that took her breath away.</p>
      <p>"Yes!" She groaned and then held on as his strokes became shorter and heavier, his pelvis grinding against her clit as her body already rushed towards its peak.</p>
      <p>"Mi vida, no puedo vivir sin ti…not anymore..." he growled and leaned to graze his teeth over one of her taut nipples.</p>
      <p><em>"Ahhh!"</em> Olivia cried out, then she panicked and gripped onto him, burying her face against his shoulder and pressing her open mouth into his skin to muffle the noise. "Never…" She hissed against him as she felt herself reach her peak.</p>
      <p>Her core clenched around him, bringing Barba over the edge - emptying himself inside her for the first time.</p>
      <p>Their skin was hot and clammy as they lay plastered together attempting to catch their breaths. Olivia's eyes remained closed as his lips traced over every inch of skin his boneless body could reach, kissing, licking…<em>tasting</em> her.</p>
      <p>"You'll never be without me, Rafa…" she assured again now that the heat of the moment had passed. "I feel so alive, yet so safe…quiero pasar el resto de mi vida contigo."</p>
      <p>Barba looked at her with astonishment in his eyes in spite of the words that they had already exchanged. He rolled them so that Olivia was lying with her head on his chest, slipping from inside her and closing his eyes before looking into hers slightly tearfully and combing his fingers into her hair with an expression that Olivia could only describe as wonder. "Thank you," he whispered solemnly, "Dios, Liv, thank you for loving me."</p>
      <p>Olivia's breath caught and her eyes welled with tears, "God, Rafa, you <em>never</em> have to thank me for that…all I want is you." She relaxed against him and breathed slowly her head resting in almost the same position as the night before, this time her hand stroking over his warm bare chest. "Mmmmmmm…this is better…" she smiled languorously and licked her lips.</p>
      <p>Barba chuckled, understanding exactly what she meant, then stroked his hand down her hip and gently over her ass. "Dios, tu culo es perfecto…" he smiled as his lips brushed softly over her temple and he breathed in the scent of her hair.</p>
      <p>She chuckled in amusement and nuzzled closer, "Yes, this is <em>so</em> much better."</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>After several long moments of comfortable silence, during which one or both of them may have briefly fallen asleep, Olivia turned her head and smiled at Barba. "Hey…" she whispered softly, prompting him to push up and kiss her lips.</p>
      <p>"Hey…" he replied with a serene smile that actually made her heart skip a beat.</p>
      <p>"Rafael Barba reduced to monosyllabic responses again?" Olivia teased.</p>
      <p>He laughed and she felt his chest rumble deliciously under her. "You may make me speechless in the bedroom," he pressed his lips to the corner of her mouth, ", but don't think for one second that I'll be going easy on you at work."</p>
      <p>Olivia laughed and turned to kiss slowly down his neck, "Rafa, you remember we're on the same side, right?"</p>
      <p>Barba rolled his eyes and then groaned when she sucked on his pulse point before nipping his skin with her teeth. "All the more reason that I need to keep you on your toes…" he bantered, his fingers combing into her hair again as her lips traced along his collarbone.</p>
      <p>She slid her hand up to pinch his side, then laughed when he yelped sharply.</p>
      <p>"You wouldn't rather I be on my knees?" Olivia inquired with a grin.</p>
      <p>Barba gasped out a laugh and then groaned, "You can bring <em>me</em> to my knees any time you want, Lieutenant Benson…" He suggested, then smirked at her when their eyes clashed and she gazed at him heatedly.</p>
      <p><em>"Jesus…"</em> Olivia sucked in a sharp breath and closed her eyes. Now there's an image to make any woman more than a little crazy - Rafael Barba, on his knees, with his face between her legs. "I already know how talented you are with that mouth of yours…" She teased breathlessly and then glanced down and noticed a thin line under his collarbone.</p>
      <p>Olivia brought her hand up and traced the mark with her finger.</p>
      <p>"Liv…" Barba spoke softly.</p>
      <p>She leaned in and pressed her lips to the scar and then scanned to the right and noticed another nearby.</p>
      <p>Her heart started to race again, but for a different reason as she pulled back and began to see a pattern of scars over his torso, at least twenty in her immediate eye-line. Some were long and thin, others were wide. She recognised a couple on his side to be hypertrophic scars, probably from the belt he had mentioned, then she finally looked down and saw a large scar contracture from a burn on his hip which spread all the way down to his upper thigh.</p>
      <p>Her eyes welled with tears as she looked back up at him.</p>
      <p>"I know they don't exactly look…<em>inviting</em>…" He started to speak awkwardly and Olivia rushed to shake her head.</p>
      <p><em>"Don't, Rafa…"</em> Olivia stopped him firmly and pressed her lips over the thin scar again. Then she slowly began a journey - kissing, licking and tasting his skin, her mouth finally tracing over the burn scar on his hip as Barba gasped and closed his eyes.</p>
      <p>"Liv…" He breathed out emotionally and could almost feel his final barriers being stripped away.</p>
      <p>"No wonder you're so fearless," she whispered softly, affection and awe laced through her tone.</p>
      <p>"Liv," he repeated and then groaned when he felt himself react as her lips kissed along his hip.</p>
      <p>She smiled up at him and their eyes met, "What do you want?"</p>
      <p>Barba licked his lips, "Please, Liv…"</p>
      <p>"How do I know what you <em>want</em> unless you ask me?" Her eyes sparkled and he let out a sharp laugh.</p>
      <p>"Jesus, Liv…" He felt her tongue flick lightly over the head of his cock and stared at her with wide eyes. "Please, just…"</p>
      <p>"Ah ah ah…not quite…" Olivia shook her head and smiled at him before licking her lips.</p>
      <p>His nostrils flared when he finally realised what she wanted and then he smirked, "'Livia, please…quiero metértela en la boca…"</p>
      <p>Olivia groaned and leaned forward, finally taking him into her mouth.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>In the early hours of the morning, Olivia stirred and heard a moan next to her. She blinked her eyes and looked to the right, the soft moonlight shone through the window and as her eyes adjusted to the darkness she could see Barba curled up on the bed facing away from her.</p>
      <p>She heard him moan again and closed her eyes, a small part of her had hoped that being together would settle his nightmares, but she knew deep down this would be a much longer journey. He didn't seem too distressed so Olivia reached out and curled an arm over his waist, kissing down his neck and then along his shoulder. She thought back to the night before last when she had found him on her couch and later held him while he slept.</p>
      <p>"Rafa..." she whispered softly and he moaned again, "...Rafa, sweetheart, I think you're having a bad dream...I want you to roll over and lie with me, okay?"</p>
      <p>Barba blinked his eyes open with confusion and looked around, settling his gaze on her he looked surprised for a moment and then closed his eyes. "God, did I wake you? Maybe I should..."</p>
      <p>Olivia laughed softly in spite of herself as he nodded toward the door, then as she encouraged him to turn toward her she curled up against him and nestled into his neck. "Will you stop trying to escape my bed? I'll get a complex..."</p>
      <p>Barba smiled sadly, "I promise, the very last thing that I want to do is leave you...ever."</p>
      <p>They curled up together and Olivia sighed peacefully, "I never want you to feel like you're a burden to me, Rafa. We'll work through this together...and then when I need you I know you'll be there for me as well. That's what partners do."</p>
      <p>"I never doubted my mother's love, but it's hard to rationalize love when you are being hurt by someone who is meant to always have your back...and the one person who you know loves you the most is allowing that to continue..." Barba observed softly and Olivia curled closer into his side and closed her eyes.</p>
      <p>"I was...the product of rape..." She felt Barba tighten his hold on her and licked her lips before she ploughed on, "...you know that...I just...I guess I want you to know that I understand some of those feelings. My mother loved me, I never doubted that...but when she was at her worst she struggled to deal with my presence in her life...as a constant reminder of a very antithesis of love."</p>
      <p>"You are the epitome of love in my life, Liv...and in Noah's..." Barba assured and kissed her as they both moved to lay side by side on his pillow.</p>
      <p>"And you and Noah are mine," Olivia confirmed, "...we'll work through this together, Rafael, I promise."</p>
      <p>"Noah is so lucky to have you," Barba observed sleepily, "...when I watched you get him a drink earlier...that's love...simple, warm, familiar<em>."</em></p>
      <p>Olivia turned and kissed just under his collarbone, "I would like nothing more than for you to be a part of that, Rafa...and I believe that is what Noah would like as well."</p>
      <p> </p>
      <p>
        <em>TBC…</em>
      </p>
      <p> </p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Back to Work</h2></a>
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      <p>Noah ran down the steps outside the house and straight over to his Uncle Rafa. "What are we cooking?" He asked and ducked under his arm to see.</p>
      <p>"Careful, not too close!" Barba snapped a little more sharply than intended when he saw Noah reach out toward the flame.</p>
      <p>Noah stepped back and looked shocked at Barba's tone. "You don't get to tell me off, you're not my dad!" He retorted and Barba couldn't help but flinch.</p>
      <p>"Hey! Hey! What's going on out here?" Olivia asked as she walked down to join them.</p>
      <p>"Uncle Rafa yelled at me," Noah pouted and studied the floor as he kicked his heels back into the gravel.</p>
      <p>Barba sighed and tried to explain, "He reached across me and nearly burned his hand on the BBQ."</p>
      <p>Olivia looked into Barba's eyes for a few seconds, then nodded and dropped down in front of her son. "Did you do that? We've talked about how dangerous the BBQ is..." she asked sternly.</p>
      <p>Noah rolled his eyes.</p>
      <p>"Don't you get sassy with me, young man, or we'll pack all this up and go back inside right now," Olivia said firmly and Noah's jaw tightened a little.</p>
      <p>"Three things." Olivia began and held up one finger. "<em>One</em> - Uncle Rafa is a grown-up and he is part of our family, so when he asks you to do something you do it. No arguments and no backchat, okay?"</p>
      <p>Olivia was concerned that Noah nodded a little reluctantly, but lifted a second finger.</p>
      <p>"<em>Two</em> - we spoke to you yesterday about what Uncle Rafa went through when he was a little boy, I know that he would do anything to protect you from that. Fire is dangerous, Noah, it's not something that you can play around with."</p>
      <p>Noah's eyes widened and he nodded more confidently as his mom lifted the third finger.</p>
      <p>"Three - Uncle Rafa loves you very much and I believe that you just hurt his feelings…" a tear welled and ran down Noah's face now, "…so I want you to think about that and then decide what <em>you </em>would like to do. I'm not going to tell you what to do, Noah, you need to think and…"</p>
      <p>Before Olivia had even finished her sentence Noah turned and ran toward Barba, wrapping his arms around his legs and sobbing, "I'm sorry, Uncle Rafa! I'm sorry I got mad…I wish…" he trailed off as Barba dropped down and wrapped his arms around him.</p>
      <p>"Hey, don't cry, Noah. It's okay…I just didn't want you to hurt yourself," Barba reassured and Noah tightened his grip.</p>
      <p>"I'm sorry, Uncle Rafa, you can shout at me whenever you want…honest you can…" Noah continued.</p>
      <p>Barba laughed and smiled up at Olivia, who chuckled softly as she stood.</p>
      <p>"Well I hope that won't be necessary," Barba assured and instinctively leaned to kiss his head.</p>
      <p>"I wish…" Noah repeated and then trailed off again.</p>
      <p>"Hey, you can tell me anything…" Barba encouraged, moving onto his knees as his legs began to protest at being crouched down for so long.</p>
      <p>"If I could choose," Noah said with a shy smile, "…if I had to choose from all the daddies in the world I would want you, Uncle Rafa."</p>
      <p>Barba felt a lump form in his throat and he couldn't speak. He heard Olivia make a noise and looked up to see her wipe tears from her face. After swallowing hard Barba nodded and finally settled upon the only honest answer he could think of, "Well, then that makes me very proud because your daddy would be the luckiest man in the whole world."</p>
      <p>Noah climbed back into his arms and snuggled close as Barba stood carefully and lifted him.</p>
      <p>"Why don't you two take a few minutes while I start cooking our BBQ'd French Toast?" Olivia suggested.</p>
      <p>Barba nodded at her gratefully and walked with Noah over to a nearby wall.</p>
      <p>As Olivia cooked she watched them sit and talk for several long minutes - she marvelled at the way her friend managed to relate to Noah on his level while never talking down to him. She could see that her son felt listened to and respected, but also looked up to his Uncle Rafa with admiration, trust and love.</p>
      <p>She couldn't help but shed another tear through her smiles as she watched them interact - in spite of all of his concerns Rafael Barba was already learning how to be a wonderful daddy.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>Later that evening, Barba held open the door with his hip while Olivia walked through with half of their bags. Noah carried his own bag through and dropped it on the floor as the adults abandoned their things in a pile near the door and then walked over and flopped together dramatically on the couch.</p>
      <p>Noah laughed at them both and then clambered up on top of his mom.</p>
      <p>"You have school tomorrow, you need to go to bed…" Olivia smiled at Noah and stroked over his head.</p>
      <p>Even though Noah generally enjoyed school he still scrunched up his nose a little at the thought of going back.</p>
      <p>"Would it be incredibly indolent if we just left the bags and unpacked tomorrow?" Barba asked Olivia with an arched eyebrow.</p>
      <p>"Yes," she began and then added, "…but I'm too tired for anything but inactivity right now." She closed her eyes for a second and let out a long breath.</p>
      <p>"Right, let's do this…" Barba proposed, "…you go have a shower and get ready for bed, I'll help Noah to get ready and then he should be all set for a bedtime story with mommy while I take my turn in the bathroom."</p>
      <p>Olivia opened one eye and turned the corner of her mouth up in a small smile. "Sure…" she replied sleepily, "…it's just such a shame that all of that requires me to actually stand up."</p>
      <p>Barba grinned at Noah, "I think we tired your mami out."</p>
      <p>Noah laughed and crawled over onto Barba's lap, "Happy-tired?"</p>
      <p>"Extremely happy…" Olivia confirmed and then opened her eyes and watched as Barba and Noah held onto each other's hands and play fought a little, Noah pushing back onto Barba's hands with maximum force as Barba pretended to graciously admit defeat.</p>
      <p>"You're too strong for me, amigo…" Barba winked at Olivia as he stood and lifted Noah into a fireman's carry over his shoulder.</p>
      <p>"I'll be quick, so be good for Uncle Rafa!" She called after them and then groaned as she forced herself to stand and walk through to the bathroom.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>Over an hour later, Olivia walked through from reading to Noah and found Barba sat up in bed skimming through one of her books.</p>
      <p>"Now this is quite a view," she said with a warm smile, letting her gown slip down her arms and dropping it onto a nearby chair before walking toward the bed in a pair of worn pyjama pants and an ancient Peter Frampton tee-shirt.</p>
      <p>Barba smiled at her attire and watched as she slipped into bed next to him. <em>"Ooh, baby, I love your way, every day, I wanna tell you I love your way, every way, I wanna be with you night and day…"</em> he sang softly and Olivia smiled as she slipped the book from his hand and tossed it to one side.</p>
      <p>"So, I guess I'm <em>not</em> reading?" Barba asked with a smile as she reached over him to turn off the bedside light and then encouraged him to lie down.</p>
      <p>"I'm tired…" she explained with a somewhat uncharacteristic whining tone.</p>
      <p>Barba laughed softly as she curled up against him and rested her head on his chest.</p>
      <p>"So I need to sleep as well?" He teased.</p>
      <p>"You have work in the morning too," she reminded and breathed in his soothing scent, "…also, you are unbelievably comfortable."</p>
      <p>"So I'm basically a convenient pillow?" He joked softly and combed his fingers through Olivia's hair as she began to drift off to sleep.</p>
      <p><em>"Hmmm…"</em> she smiled and turned to kiss his chest, "…so tired…"</p>
      <p>Barba closed his eyes, reflecting on how much his life had changed in just a few short days.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>When Barba woke in the morning it took him a second to remember that he shouldn't have been alone in bed. Then he looked up toward the door just as Olivia walked through with a towel wrapped around her.</p>
      <p>She ran a second towel through her wet hair and smiled at him. "Mornin' sleepyhead, the shower is free. I'll just dry my hair and get changed, then I'll go wake Noah and start breakfast."</p>
      <p>Barba smiled at her and licked his lips, "I still cannot get over the fact that I'm the man who gets to watch you walking around your bedroom in a towel…"</p>
      <p>Olivia laughed and through her hair towel at him, "If we had time I'd be encouraging you to see me in a lot less…" She untucked the towel around her waist and gave him a quick flash of her bare torso.</p>
      <p>He groaned and dropped his face into the pillow next to him as she covered back up and walked toward her closet.</p>
      <p>"You're a cruel woman," Barba moaned.</p>
      <p>Olivia looked over at him with a smirk, "If I was <em>cruel</em> I wouldn't be telling you that I'm already looking forward to us doing a whole lot more than <em>looking</em> tonight." Her eyes skimmed over his body, looking all mussed-up and sensual lying in her bed, then had to stop herself from destroying both of their morning schedules. She remembered that Noah would be up soon and forced herself to rally, "Barba - up, out, shower…now!"</p>
      <p>He laughed and sat up, "So it's Barba again now?"</p>
      <p>"Well, Rafa is far too tempting and about to get us both into trouble…on the other hand, Rafael Barba has the Hammond case to prepare," Olivia reminded him with a smile as he walked toward her bathroom.</p>
      <p>Barba looked back at her and his mouth turned up a little at the side, "Work first…play later."</p>
      <p>Olivia rolled her eyes as he left her to change. "Best houseguest <em>ever</em>," she whispered to herself softly.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>Olivia was still smiling a little when she walked into the unit a couple of hours later. Breezing through quickly she walked past Fin's desk with a smile and a nod, then raised her hand up in greeting to Rollin's and Carisi.</p>
      <p>"Nice weekend?" Rollins asked with a smile.</p>
      <p>Olivia hummed and tried her best not to give anything away. She paused by her door and looked back, "Good thanks, were we busy?"</p>
      <p>"No deflecting," Rollins smile spread into a grin. "You went to the lake with Noah, right?"</p>
      <p>"Yes, I went to the lake with Noah…" Olivia repeated, telling herself that was not a lie.</p>
      <p>"And your houseguest?" Rollins pushed and smiled at Fin.</p>
      <p>"My houseguest…" Olivia glanced around to ensure that no one else was in earshot, "…had a nice weekend as well."</p>
      <p>"You and Noah went to the lake alone?" Rollins amended her original question.</p>
      <p>Her boss rolled her eyes, "Nosy much?"</p>
      <p>"Fascinated…" Rollins clarified and leaned forward to rest her chin on her hand in an exaggerated display of interest.</p>
      <p>Olivia laughed and rolled her eyes, "Gossip is unbecoming…" she tried to deflect but Amanda wasn't about to fall for that and held her gaze. "I believe my houseguest <em>also</em> enjoyed our trip," she finally admitted.</p>
      <p><em>"Really?"</em> Fin asked with a broad grin.</p>
      <p>"Don't you start…" Olivia sighed and turned back toward her office, "…how about you divert all this uncontrolled interest in my love life to your work?" She shot back and then left without even realising her unintentional slip.</p>
      <p>Rollin's jaw dropped open and she grinned at Fin, "You heard that, right?"</p>
      <p>Fin smiled back, "I think it's great…he's a good guy."</p>
      <p>"He is…but I doubt he'd be happy to hear us discussing his private life, so I think we need to drop it," Carisi cut in.</p>
      <p>"Since when did you become above a little workplace gossip?" Rollins teased and threw a pen at him.</p>
      <p>"Since it involves our <em>friends.</em> This is obviously early days and we don't really know what's happening. Besides…" he trailed off and Rollins waited for him to finish with her eyebrows raised, "…okay, okay," he laughed and shrugged, "…I think they could be amazing together. I mean…really happy! Don't you want to give them the space to let that happen without added pressure from us?"</p>
      <p>Rollins smiled broadly now, "Sonny Carisi, you're such a romantic!"</p>
      <p>"I just…" Carisi looked a little self-conscious and Fin cut in.</p>
      <p>"We all want em to be happy," he asserted firmly, "…Carisi's right, Amanda, back off this thing 'til we know what it is."</p>
      <p>Rollins rolled her eyes and nodded, "Sure, consider me 'off'."</p>
      <p>They all exchanged a silent smirk and then looked up to see their boss walk past the window with a broad smile on her face.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>"Come over this afternoon? I'll clear a couple of hours in my diary to start going through the evidence," Olivia said as she stood and walked around the front of her desk.</p>
      <p><strong><em>"Perfect, could we leave it until later in the day? Then we could…"</em></strong> His voice trailed off and Olivia grinned broadly at his reticence now that they were back at work. Nothing had really changed but being back in their familiar environments felt a little strange.</p>
      <p>"...Go home together?" She completed and could hear the smile in his voice when he replied softly.</p>
      <p><strong><em>"That sounds amazing, you know?" </em></strong>His voice had dropped a couple of octaves and Olivia felt her body react.</p>
      <p>"Best behaviour while your here," Olivia warned lightly.</p>
      <p><strong><em>"Worried that I can't be professional?" </em></strong>Barba joked as she heard him shuffling some papers on his desk.</p>
      <p>"Worried that I can't if you start teasing me…" Olivia contested honestly. "I know you, it was hard enough to keep my hands to myself before I knew that I was allowed to touch."</p>
      <p>Barba hummed a soft groan into the phone and then laughed, <strong><em>"…and you called ME a tease."</em></strong></p>
      <p>She laughed and then glanced up at the outer office to make sure she was not being watched. "They're going to guess something is up, you know? I can't seem to keep the satisfied smile off my face."</p>
      <p>He laughed again,<strong><em> "Glad to hear you're satisfied."</em></strong></p>
      <p>"More than," Olivia teased and then physically shook herself, "…this needs to stop, I have work to do and you're distracting me!"</p>
      <p>Barba barked out a laugh, <strong><em>"Mi amor, you called me."</em></strong></p>
      <p>"Details," Olivia brushed off the facts with a smile and then added, "…and maybe avoid the terms of endearment in the office. At least until we decide to disclose…even then I guess, it's not exactly professional."</p>
      <p><strong><em>"Carmen is out of the office, I'm alone…"</em></strong> Barba challenged.</p>
      <p>"But if it becomes second nature…" Olivia argued reluctantly.</p>
      <p><strong><em>"Calling you 'my love' is already second nature, Liv,"</em></strong> Barba assured with a tone that made her heart clench.</p>
      <p>Olivia growled a little and closed her eyes, "Barba, this conversation is <em>over…</em>" She paused and then glanced into the office, checking the location of her colleagues again before adding, "Te quiero."</p>
      <p><strong><em>"About three?"</em></strong> Barba suggested after a few seconds.</p>
      <p>Olivia nodded needlessly and replied, "Bring coffee, and maybe…I don't know, something with cinnamon."</p>
      <p><strong><em>"So demanding,"</em></strong> he rejoined smoothly, but his tone had become noticeably more professional.</p>
      <p>"Carmen's back then?" Olivia laughed.</p>
      <p>She could hear the barely controlled smile in his voice when he replied, <strong><em>"What you said before…"</em> </strong>she knew he was referring to when she had said that she loved him, <strong><em>"…me too…completely."</em></strong></p>
      <p>Her cell when dead and she smiled, this was going to be an absolute nightmare. Work would be a disaster, who knew what would happen when his apartment was ready, their friends were already catching on, and they still had so much to work through…</p>
      <p>But at the same time, nothing had ever felt this easy.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>Barba walked through the unit at a little before three that afternoon and the three detectives couldn't help but notice the extra bounce in his step.</p>
      <p>"Officers," Barba addressed them with a warm smile that belied the apparent formality of his greeting.</p>
      <p>"Counsellor," Fin nodded in reply.</p>
      <p>"Hey, Barba, how's life treating you?" Rollins asked casually and forced herself to look at her work for fear that he might read something into her smile.</p>
      <p>"Pretty good," Barba said easily and she couldn't help but look up at him with a small smirk.</p>
      <p>"Pretty good, eh? Apartment building fire and all?" She asked.</p>
      <p>"A minor inconvenience…" he shrugged, "…if it takes money to be happy, your search for happiness will never end."</p>
      <p>Fin laughed, "He's more than alright, Amanda…he's quoting Marley."</p>
      <p>Barba rolled his eyes and then nodded toward the office, silently checking Olivia's location.</p>
      <p>"Yep…" Fin confirmed.</p>
      <p>"We have prep to do for the Hammond case, so unless it's important…" Barba started.</p>
      <p>"Closed-door," Fin nodded, "…got it."</p>
      <p>Barba walked toward the office and stood in the open doorway for a second. Olivia was on her cell, but he couldn't control the way his heart clenched when she sensed him in the room and looked up at him with a beatific smile on her face.</p>
      <p>She nodded him through and then silently directed him to shut the door.</p>
      <p>After doing as instructed Barba walked up to her desk, put down his cup holder and a small paper bag, then lay down his briefcase.</p>
      <p>Olivia held up a finger and offered an apologetic smile.</p>
      <p>Barba shrugged, telling her not to worry. Then walked around her desk and placed a coffee and cinnamon pastry in front of her. He jumped a little in surprise when Olivia's hand trailed down his forearm, then she briefly linked her fingers with his before letting go and continuing her call.</p>
      <p>A few minutes later, Barba was flicking through a file on his side of the desk as the call ended - she took a sip of her drink, a bite of her pastry then smiled at him happily. "Three of my favourite things…all I need is Noah and a large tub of ice cream and I'd be in heaven."</p>
      <p>He smiled at her affectionately.</p>
      <p>"Damn…" Olivia laughed and rolled her eyes.</p>
      <p>"What?" Barba chuckled lightly with her in spite of his confusion.</p>
      <p>"Turns out, now that I know that I can, my desire to kiss you is even more overwhelming."</p>
      <p>"Liv…" Barba asked pleadingly.</p>
      <p>"I know, I know…work…" she smiled. "Compromise?"</p>
      <p>He raised an eyebrow.</p>
      <p>"Come work around here next to me? We do have files to go through…" She smiled encouragingly.</p>
      <p>Barba rolled his eyes but then shrugged, he pushed his bag toward her and then pulled his chair around to her side of the desk.</p>
      <p>Olivia smiled as he sat down and drew close to her side. Her mind suddenly drifted to the future - where did she see her future and equally where did he see his?</p>
      <p>She knew that Barba was completely career-focused when they had met, but his goals seemed to have changed over the years. One thing Olivia knew was that while their personal life would be intertwined she found it difficult to imagine not also having him by her side at work.</p>
      <p>Looking out over the office she smiled again a little reflectively.</p>
      <p>Barba sensed her lack of focus and looked up at her. "Something wrong?" He asked with a little concern.</p>
      <p>"I've spent most of my career in this unit, so I've come to find it difficult to imagine working anywhere else…" she said quietly.</p>
      <p>"Hey," he replied immediately, "I don't want you to worry about that. If this is an issue I will hand <em>my</em> notice in…no question."</p>
      <p>"That easy?" She asked.</p>
      <p>"I won't have any problems finding work, Liv," Barba retorted with a smirk.</p>
      <p>"There's my big brass ego," Olivia laughed.</p>
      <p>"You know what I mean," he smiled and she nodded.</p>
      <p>"I wasn't exactly thinking about that, though. I'm suddenly finding it even more unimaginable to come to work every day and not have you by my side…at some point over the last few years my priorities have shifted," she reflected thoughtfully.</p>
      <p>Barba frowned, unbelievably touched by her words but also more than a little surprised and confused. "So what <em>are</em> you saying?" He asked.</p>
      <p>"I don't know…" she smiled at him, "…I really don't, I guess I'm just thinking aloud. We're in a position of experience, knowledge…even influence. I don't know what your plans are, but maybe we could at least consider those plans together? If that might be what you want as well?"</p>
      <p>"You mean leaving here and…?" Barba's mind was spinning with possibilities that he had never even considered.</p>
      <p>"...Just look at our options together. Consultancy work, roles in the right foundation, maybe even seeking funding for our own. We have options and contacts. With our combined knowledge and experience we could make a <em>real</em> difference…and maybe without so much red tape." She smiled at the look of astonishment in his eyes. "Would you even consider it? Or is it too far off plan?"</p>
      <p>Barba smiled broadly, "It's so far off the plan that I hadn't even considered this as an option, but I think its…" he paused and let the idea fly, thinking of his future and where this might lead them, "…actually I think it sounds <em>wonderful."</em></p>
      <p>"Really?" Olivia asked with surprise.</p>
      <p>"You bring out the best in me, Liv, personally and professionally…and I can't imagine a better professional future than working by your side," Barba assured. "You're right, we could…"</p>
      <p>"Move mountains?" Olivia smiled.</p>
      <p>He laughed and then nodded toward the outer office, "What about them?"</p>
      <p>"People move on, I don't want to be the last woman standing because I was too afraid to test my boundaries. They're family and that won't change…but I have the chance to start a new life and I'm not sure that I want to do that halfway."</p>
      <p>Barba shook his head in wonder, "So...?"</p>
      <p>She shrugged, "So let's take a while to talk this through and consider what's next, but when you're ready to disclose…"</p>
      <p>"I'm ready," he cut in without hesitation.</p>
      <p>Olivia laughed in surprise, "It's only been a few days, I don't want you to…"</p>
      <p>He laughed, "I'm ready, Liv. I know that I want you and Noah, the rest is a little unknown but if you're ready to jump then I'm all in."</p>
      <p>She leaned in and kissed him.</p>
      <p>"Liv, someone might see…" He murmured against her mouth.</p>
      <p>"I'm not sure I care, let's find the paperwork on the database," Olivia retorted and pulled her laptop forward.</p>
      <p>"The Hammond case..." Barba reminded her.</p>
      <p>"Is a done deal and you know it, I only suggested that we meet this afternoon because I wanted to see you…" She brushed off his concern.</p>
      <p>"Lieutenant Benson!" Barba said with mock horror.</p>
      <p>"Not for long…" She joked but her words hit him hard.</p>
      <p>"Liv, your career…you're heading toward Captain, are you sure that this is <em>really</em> what you want?" He asked with concern.</p>
      <p>"You wanted to be a judge," Olivia reminded him.</p>
      <p>"We both know that won't happen now…" Barba pointed out, "…no matter what road I take from here, but you could still…"</p>
      <p>"Would I like to be a Captain?" Olivia asked. "Sure I would, but when I reach the end of my life I have a feeling that titles will seem less important - sharing the next fifty years with you, spending more time with Noah as he grows up, making a real difference helping and supporting victims…maybe even changing the way the system works. That sounds like a legacy worth looking back on with pride."</p>
      <p>"You're amazing, you know that?" He smiled.</p>
      <p>"So we disclose for now but then start looking for a suitable move?" Olivia confirmed.</p>
      <p>"Benson &amp; Barba Private Investigators!" He teased.</p>
      <p>"You're an idiot," Olivia retorted dryly.</p>
      <p>"Maybe, but it seems like you might be stuck with me…" he laughed happily.</p>
      <p>Olivia glanced at him and smiled, "Sounds perfect."</p>
      <p>
        <em>TBC...</em>
      </p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. First Steps</h2></a>
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      <p>Olivia swung open her office door half-an-hour later. "Sgt. Tutuola, Rollins, Carisi - can I see you all in here please?" She called out casually.</p>
      <p>The three officers glanced at each other as they stood and walked quickly toward the office. Fin brought a file with him and as they sat opposite Barba <em>and</em> Olivia at her desk he decided to move quickly past their unusual sitting arrangements and plough forward with the case.</p>
      <p>"So, I talked to the Hammond cleaner on…"</p>
      <p>"This isn't about the Hammond case," Olivia cut in.</p>
      <p>Fin paused and raised his eyebrows.</p>
      <p>"I hope you know that I consider all three of you to be more than colleagues. You're friends...and I'd like to think family…" Olivia started.</p>
      <p>The three nodded slowly, clearly wondering where this was going.</p>
      <p>"As such, I think it's important to keep you informed about some upcoming changes," Olivia paused and they nodded again.</p>
      <p>Barba couldn't help but have to lift his hand and cover a smile at the nonplused expressions on their faces.</p>
      <p>"As of twenty minutes ago, ADA Barba and I submitted papers disclosing a change in our personal relationship…" Olivia began and a smile began to spread across the three detective's faces. This was not unexpected, but the speed of their disclosure had caused this confirmation to come a little out of left-field.</p>
      <p>"That's great," Rollin smiled and looked briefly to Barba, who she couldn't help but notice was almost glowing with happiness.</p>
      <p>"Thank you," Olivia nodded at Rollins, "…even though you are friends, I hope you understand that our relationship is personal so we won't be sharing any more details."</p>
      <p>"Trust me, we ain't after the deets," Fin interjected with an amused expression of disgust. Then he looked to the ADA, "No offence man, just, Liv's like a sister."</p>
      <p>Barba let out a sharp burst of laughter, held up his hand and shook his head - easily dismissing Fin's concern that his issue was specifically about their relationship.</p>
      <p>"We also want you to know that we're starting to consider our options for the future. Aside from our personal relationship we would like to continue working side-by-side and we all know that won't be possible here, " Olivia continued evenly.</p>
      <p>"You're not leavin'?" Fin looked between the two in surprise.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>"Could have been worse..." Olivia smiled as they cleaned up after dinner a few hours later. Noah was already in bed after an exhausting weekend and quiet music played softly in her otherwise peaceful apartment.</p>
      <p>"Fin looked a little taken aback," Barba smiled in amusement.</p>
      <p>"He's been with the unit for almost as long as I have, people have come and gone but we've always been there. It'll be an adjustment, but I know he's happy for us...for me." She paused and then added. "Fin likes you, you know?"</p>
      <p>"That took a while," Barba pointed out with a smirk.</p>
      <p>"It can, but Fin is loyal and once you're 'in' you have an Odafin Tutuola for life," she smiled.</p>
      <p>"He loves you," Barba observed affectionately as he walked toward her.</p>
      <p>"So, never leave me and you two will be just fine..." she teased and looked back at him with a smile that made Barba's heart clench.</p>
      <p>"Not a chance of that," he laughed and wrapped his arms around her from behind, resting his chin on her shoulder.</p>
      <p>"We can't let this change in our relationship distract us from focusing on you right now. We still need to look into arranging a therapist, my love," Olivia pointed out and leaned back against him. "I would put you in touch with Lindstrom but I want you to feel that you can completely open up in therapy, talk about anything…"</p>
      <p>"You wouldn't feel comfortable with us seeing the same therapist?" Barba asked as Olivia turned to face him.</p>
      <p>"No, no…" she paused in thought, leaning back on the kitchen cabinet as Barba stepped closer and her hands came up to rest on his warm chest. "I just don't want you to feel restrained by talking with someone I know. Sometimes anonymity can be complicated…"</p>
      <p>"Would <em>you</em> feel uncomfortable?" Barba checked.</p>
      <p>"Of course not, Lindstrom really helped me and I want you to have the best guidance available," Olivia assured and stroked her palms over the soft material covering his broad chest.</p>
      <p>"You really mean that? Because if it makes you uncomfortable, for any reason at all, we can start looking elsewhere. No offence would be taken and no questions asked..." he assured firmly.</p>
      <p>"I swear, Rafa, it might actually do us some good. When you're ready we could even have some joint sessions…especially in relation to your nightmares. I want to be able to help you in any way I can." Olivia nodded thoughtfully and scanned his face. "You're certain?" She checked again.</p>
      <p>"There is nothing I would talk to a therapist about that I wouldn't also want to talk through with you, mi amor. I trust you completely. I actually think that your history might make it easier for me to open up, almost like your presence would be in the room with us. We could try a session and see how it goes?" Barba suggested.</p>
      <p>"You're sure you're on board with this? This needs to be your choice, not just something you're doing for me," she reminded him softly.</p>
      <p>"I am doing it for you," he started but when she looked concerned he quickly continued, "…for you, for Noah and for our combined futures. We're all going to enter this next chapter in our lives together."</p>
      <p>Olivia smiled and nodded, "Okay, so shall I call Lindstrom?"</p>
      <p>"Now?" Barba glanced at the time.</p>
      <p>"He keeps late office hours so he can meet with clients after work. You go shower and I'll make the call. Then we can enjoy our evening," she suggested and Barba nodded. "Leave me your cell? Then I can check your calendar?"</p>
      <p>Barba smiled and rolled his eyes, then scanned his thumbprint and passed over his phone. "So this is what it feels like to be under the thumb?"</p>
      <p>Olivia laughed and lifted her foot to teasingly kick the back of his thigh as he turned and walked away.</p>
      <p>She quickly opened his calendar, then reached for her own cell and scrolled through to the number. It rang a little longer than normal and Olivia had almost decided to give up when someone finally answered.</p>
      <p>
        <strong>
          <em>"Dr Lindstrom's office..."</em>
        </strong>
      </p>
      <p>"Where's Claire?" Olivia asked with surprise that he was answering his own phone.</p>
      <p><em><strong>"Olivia Benson?"</strong> </em>Lindstrom replied sounding intrigued and pleasantly surprised.</p>
      <p>"It's been a while," Olivia responded warmly. "So where is Claire?"</p>
      <p><strong><em>"Maternity leave, she needed to finish up a few days early. I have someone starting a week Monday but until then I'm on my own…"</em> </strong>he sounded pretty relaxed about the situation so Olivia assumed that this was not a major issue. <strong><em>"How can I help you, Olivia?"</em></strong></p>
      <p>"Actually I'm calling for a…<em>friend,"</em> she trailed off at the end, realising it was the first time she had been expected to label her relationship with Barba.</p>
      <p><strong><em>"Friend?"</em></strong> Lindstrom sounded amused, so he had obviously picked up on her tone.</p>
      <p>Olivia smiled, "'Boyfriend' sounds weird at our age, you know?"</p>
      <p>He laughed softly, <strong><em>"Labels can be hard. So you're dating someone? That's great. Is it serious?"</em></strong></p>
      <p>"Serious as it gets," Olivia confided easily.</p>
      <p><strong><em>"Really?"</em> </strong>Lindstrom sounded impressed and a little surprised.</p>
      <p>"He's an old friend, we've just…" she paused, "…I'm sorry, I didn't call to waste your evening telling you about my love life."</p>
      <p><strong><em>"Not at all, I'm genuinely pleased to hear you sounding so happy, Olivia. You said you were calling on behalf of your new partner?"</em> </strong>Lindstrom asked.</p>
      <p>"He's…" Olivia sighed, "…well, it's not my place to talk to you about this. I know you usually have a long waitlist, but I wondered if there were any strings I could pull? Maybe move Rafael up the list? I feel a little guilty asking, but he's been having a hard time lately…night terrors."</p>
      <p>Lindstrom sighed, <strong><em>"I'm sorry to hear that, Olivia."</em> </strong>She heard him flip through a book. <strong><em>"You know, I have a client who unexpectedly moved out West…so I think I can fit your friend in straightaway."</em></strong></p>
      <p>She let out a breath, "Thank you, this means a lot to me."</p>
      <p><strong><em>"You're worried about him?"</em> </strong>He asked perceptively.</p>
      <p>"Rafa is hurting, he <em>has</em> opened up to me, but…" she tried to find the words, "…his pain is my pain, you know?"</p>
      <p>
        <strong>
          <em>"I know that you take the weight of the world on your shoulders, Olivia. This will only be magnified when it's someone who you care for so much. Do I need to contact him about an appointment?"</em>
        </strong>
      </p>
      <p>"I have his calendar…" she revealed.</p>
      <p><strong><em>"That shows a lot of trust,"</em> </strong>Lindstrom observed and Olivia laughed softly. <strong><em>"So how does tomorrow about 7 pm look?"</em></strong></p>
      <p>Olivia looked at the phone, sighed with frustration when she realised that it had locked and then tried the only number she could think of - 020768 - it opened. Smiling broadly she looked at the following day and nodded. "Looks good, thank you so much," She agreed and tapped in the appointment.</p>
      <p><strong><em>"Name?"</em> </strong>Lindstrom checked.</p>
      <p>"Rafael Barba," Olivia confirmed with a smile.</p>
      <p><strong><em>"Rafael Barba, the ADA who was with you on the Lewis case?"</em> </strong>Lindstrom asked, clearly surprised.</p>
      <p>"He's… We became close, then ultimately he became my closest friend…and now <em>so</em> much more. It's impossible to explain what he means to me…and to Noah," Olivia explained and was surprised to feel tears in her eyes.</p>
      <p><em><strong>"That level of trust, it's quite a foundation for a relationship…if it's approached with openness and honesty,"</strong> </em>Lindstrom replied kindly. <strong><em>"Maybe in time, we could consider some joint sessions?"</em></strong></p>
      <p>"We've talked about the same thing," Olivia agreed.</p>
      <p><strong><em>"Very healthy,"</em> </strong>Lindstrom replied, clearly impressed.<strong><em> "I'll talk to you soon, Olivia."</em></strong></p>
      <p>"I hope so," she agreed warmly.</p>
      <p>Olivia hung up, then left both of their cells on the counter before she smiled and walked through to her bedroom in search of her lover. She found Barba standing near the bed with a towel around his waist and walked over quickly, slipping her arms around him from behind.</p>
      <p>He jumped a little in surprise. "Liv!" He laughed as her chin rested on his shoulder and hands stroked up to his chest.</p>
      <p>"Hey gorgeous," she teased and kissed his neck.</p>
      <p>"Hey," he replied softly and then hummed as his hands came up to cover hers.</p>
      <p>"Stay forever," she said suddenly, not even thinking through the thought before it slipped out of her mouth.</p>
      <p>"Liv?" He asked as he lifted her hands and turned to look at her.</p>
      <p>"I'm sorry, I don't know where that came from…" she looked down at the floor with a self-consciousness that surprised him.</p>
      <p>"Liv?" He encouraged her again and lifted up her chin with his finger.</p>
      <p>She sighed and shook her head, "I just want you here with us, Rafa. I haven't thought it through and I know it's impractical. I understand that you have a home, a life…but I've had a taste of what it might feel like for us to share our lives and I already know that <em>this</em> is what I want."</p>
      <p>"It's only a matter of time…" Barba started to answer thoughtfully.</p>
      <p>"But it's too soon," Olivia said with resignation.</p>
      <p>He threaded his fingers into her hair and shook his head resolutely, "I don't need a moment longer to know that I want nothing more than to spend my life with you, Liv."</p>
      <p>"Would you even consider it?" Olivia asked and searched his eyes.</p>
      <p>"Staying here?" Barba clarified.</p>
      <p>She stepped closer and tugged at the towel around his waist, "Staying here…or we could move to yours…or find a new place together. I really don't care."</p>
      <p>Barba laughed softly, "We would need to talk to Noah…" he paused and then added, "…actually, I think you should talk to him alone about this. I don't want him to feel any pressure if I'm there, he needs to be honest with you about how he feels."</p>
      <p>Olivia smiled and ran her hands around his waist as the towel fell to the floor. "You're a wonderful man, Rafael Barba," she whispered and moved against him, one hand stroking up his back as the other combed into his wet hair.</p>
      <p>He coughed out a laugh and moved to pull up her top, then groaned as her hand wrapped around his length. Leaning in to kiss her eagerly Barba walked her back toward the bed as he scrambled to slip off her bra. "God, you're unearthly beautiful…"</p>
      <p>She dropped back on to the bed, "…Is that a yes, then?"</p>
      <p>He smiled, <em>"Yes.</em> To any question that you care to ask me, mi amor." Then he dropped to his knees, quickly unfastening and pulling down her pants and underwear. "My future lies with you…" he assured emotionally as his lips trailed gently over the bruise on her side before moving downwards.</p>
      <p>Olivia's eyes rolled back, then she took a breath and propped up on her elbows to watch as his tongue finally swiped up through her core.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>The following afternoon, not long after Olivia had left work early to pick her son up from school, she and Noah walked through a small local park toward the play area.</p>
      <p>"Noah, before we go and play I need us to sit down and have a chat about something very important…" Olivia said and nodded toward a nearby bench.</p>
      <p>"Can we have ice-cream?" Noah asked keenly.</p>
      <p>"After our chat, I need your complete attention right now, okay?" Olivia asked as they walked over and sat down.</p>
      <p>"Sure, Mommy," he looked a little nervous, "…is this a sad sort of important?"</p>
      <p>Olivia rushed to shake her head, "No baby," she assured, "…actually Mommy is very happy and I have some important news to share with you. I also need to ask you some very big questions."</p>
      <p>Noah nodded seriously, still looking a little worried but also extremely intrigued.</p>
      <p>"You understand what boyfriends and girlfriends are?" Olivia asked.</p>
      <p>Noah nodded, "Sure I do, Mommy," he replied as though it was a silly question to ask someone as grown-up as he was.</p>
      <p>"Sorry, Noah, I just need to make sure that you understand…" Olivia smiled and then continued, "…You understand that Uncle Rafa and I are very good friends?"</p>
      <p>Noah nodded, "Best friends."</p>
      <p>"Best friends," Olivia agreed. "Well, sometimes when grown-ups are very good friends their friendship can change. It can become deeper…and even <em>more</em> special."</p>
      <p>Noah frowned, clearly a little confused now.</p>
      <p>"Noah, I love your Uncle Rafa very much," Olivia began.</p>
      <p>"So do I," Noah cut in and grinned.</p>
      <p>"That's really nice, baby." She paused thoughtfully and then continued, "Noah, Uncle Rafa and I have fallen in love. Do you understand what that means?"</p>
      <p>Noah thought carefully, "Like Jacobs daddies?"</p>
      <p>"Exactly," Olivia nodded. "Me and Uncle Rafa love each other very much, just like Jacob's daddies."</p>
      <p>"Jacob and his daddies all live together," Noah pointed out.</p>
      <p>Olivia smiled, Noah was intuitive and intelligent so he was already starting to put this together.</p>
      <p>"Noah, I love your Uncle Rafa very much. We need to have a think...and talk about how you would feel about inviting him to become part of our family. Uncle Rafa felt that it was important for us to have a chat about this on our own, neither of us wants you to feel like you have to agree to anything because you are afraid of hurting our feelings," Olivia paused.</p>
      <p>Noah tilted his head in thought and a little confusion, "Uncle Rafa is already a part of our family."</p>
      <p>"This would be<em> special</em> family, like you and me. How would you feel about Uncle Rafa coming to live with us forever?" Olivia asked tentatively.</p>
      <p>"To stay forever and never go home?" Noah checked.</p>
      <p>"Our home would also be Uncle Rafa's home," Olivia confirmed.</p>
      <p>"We only have two bedrooms…" Noah pointed out.</p>
      <p>"Uncle Rafa would share Mommy's bedroom," Olivia explained.</p>
      <p>"Like Jacob's daddies…" Noah said thoughtfully, "…so would Uncle Rafa be my daddy?"</p>
      <p>"I think maybe that is a conversation that you need to have with Uncle Rafa," Olivia smiled, "…so what do you think?"</p>
      <p>"We would get to keep Uncle Rafa forever?" Noah asked.</p>
      <p>Olivia smiled softly, "Would you like that?"</p>
      <p>"I'd like that," Noah smiled. "Then we could go camping?"</p>
      <p>"We could…we would live together every day, go on vacations together, spend holidays together…" Olivia explained further.</p>
      <p>"Uncle Rafa would be in charge of me?" He clarified.</p>
      <p>"Yes, he would…Mommy and Uncle Rafa would be a team," she confirmed.</p>
      <p>"That would make you happy?" Noah asked.</p>
      <p>"Oh, Noah…that would make me very very happy," Olivia smiled a little tearfully, "…I love Rafael very much...but how would this make <em>you</em> feel?"</p>
      <p>"Very very happy," Noah echoed.</p>
      <p>"Noah, are you sure? Because nothing means more to either of us than knowing that you are happy…" Olivia pushed for reassurance.</p>
      <p>"Uncle Rafa has been having bad dreams, so I think it might make him feel a lot better if you cuddled him every night…and I really like having someone to play Legos with," Noah smiled decisively.</p>
      <p>"So…?" Olivia asked softly and reached out to take his hand.</p>
      <p>"I think we should keep Uncle Rafa forever, Mommy," Noah nodded thoughtfully, "…it's a very clever idea."</p>
      <p>Olivia laughed softly, "Thank you, Noah."</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>A few hours later, Barba walked a little cautiously into the unfamiliar outer office and looked around. Olivia had mentioned that Lindstrom's PA was off on maternity leave but he was unsure about whether he should just knock on his office door or wait to be called in. He didn't want to risk disturbing someone who was still in a session, but it seemed unlikely to him that a therapist would schedule his appointments so close together.</p>
      <p>Barba looked at the time and seeing that his appointment was due to commence in less than a minute he was just starting to walk toward the door when it opened.</p>
      <p>"Mr Barba?" Lindstrom asked with a professional smile.</p>
      <p>"Please, call me Rafael…" Barba replied and walked up to shake his hand.</p>
      <p>"Before we get started I'd just like to say what a pleasure it is to meet you, Rafael, Olivia has always spoken very highly of you…" Lindstrom said as they walked through and he directed him to take a seat.</p>
      <p>Barba smiled politely as he sat, "Likewise."</p>
      <p>"Now, I know that I don't need to explain to you about confidentiality," Lindstrom started with a smile. "…But as you are involved in a relationship with one of my clients I do feel that it's important for me to clarify that anything you share with me in this room is completely confidential, unless you share with me the intention to commit a crime or harmful act…or if you make the decision to waive your right to confidentiality."</p>
      <p>"I understand…" Barba nodded.</p>
      <p>"So you understand that under no circumstances will I ever discuss what we talk about in this room with Olivia unless I have your expressed permission? I realise that this was probably covered in your first year at college, but under these conditions, I feel that it is important to spell this out," Lindstrom smiled at Barba warmly.</p>
      <p>Barba nodded, "I understand, having said that there is absolutely nothing I would say in this room that I wouldn't feel completely comfortable sharing with Olivia. I trust her implicitly."</p>
      <p>Lindstrom nodded and raised his eyebrows, "Are you a trusting person by nature?"</p>
      <p>"No…" Barba laughed and then shook his head, "…well, that's a lie, I trust people…to differing degrees."</p>
      <p>"But in the case of Olivia?" Lindstrom asked.</p>
      <p>"She's my closest friend, my ally, my confidante…I trust her completely," Barba repeated.</p>
      <p>"How long have you been in a sexual relationship?" He asked directly.</p>
      <p>Barba laughed, "Straight to it? You guys really are all about the sex aren't you?"</p>
      <p>He smiled, "Not <em>all</em>…"</p>
      <p>"Sure, right…" Barba smirked, "…actually, only a few days, but it seems that we were both…"</p>
      <p>When he trailed off Lindstrom waited for a while to see if he could find the words and then suggested, "You both had feelings for each other for a long time and had been reluctant to act on them?"</p>
      <p>Barba shook his head in wonder, "To be honest, I barely even considered that it was a possibility."</p>
      <p>"That Olivia would be attracted to you? Why is that?" Lindstrom asked with intrigue.</p>
      <p>Barba huffed out a quiet laugh, "You know Olivia, she's beautiful, intelligent, sensual, loving…and a million things besides…I suppose I never even considered that I was her type."</p>
      <p>"Did you ever stop to contemplate that she might be wondering the same thing about you?" Lindstrom asked thoughtfully.</p>
      <p>"Not once," Barba replied firmly and smiled.</p>
      <p>"If you don't mind me saying, Rafael, you don't strike me as a man with a history of insecurities," he looked at Barba carefully, "…or is your outward appearance of confidence a facade?"</p>
      <p>Barba shook his head, "I know who I am, I'm comfortable in my own skin."</p>
      <p>"And Olivia?" Lindstrom asked.</p>
      <p>"Is the love of my life," Barba concluded, "…and if she is crazy enough to love me I am not about to push that away."</p>
      <p>Lindstrom smiled and tilted his head, "Olivia has a son? Noah…?"</p>
      <p>Barba's eyes lit up, "Noah, yes."</p>
      <p>"How do you feel about that?" Lindstrom asked.</p>
      <p>"He's an amazing child - smart, inquisitive, kind…funny," Barba smiled proudly. "Olivia is an outstanding mother."</p>
      <p>"So the prospect of being a father doesn't concern you?"</p>
      <p>Barba's breath caught a little on instinct, but then he shook his head, "In general? It terrifies me. But to Noah?" He closed his eyes for a second and smiled before opening them and nodding confidently, "I love that little boy like he is already my own. He's part of Olivia, so in a way, it already feels like he is part of me."</p>
      <p>The certainty in Barba's voice surprised Lindstrom and the ever spiralling contradictory answers from his new client was piquing his interest. For now, he focused on the first part of his answer.</p>
      <p>"Why has the thought of being a father terrified you in the past?"</p>
      <p>"I guess…" Barba licked his lips, "…I guess that is rooted in the main reason that we felt I should talk to someone…" he started and Lindstrom nodded.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>Almost forty-five minutes later Lindstrom sat back, "…You've never talked any of this through with your mother?"</p>
      <p>"No," Barba concluded, "…it felt...<em>unnecessary."</em></p>
      <p>He nodded, "I think if you are going to start to move on from this you might need to consider having that conversation. You have a lot of unanswered questions that are going to need to be addressed before you can even begin to move forward."</p>
      <p>"That won't be easy," Barba said thoughtfully.</p>
      <p>"It won't, but you're in a better position to face this than you have ever been, Rafael," Lindstrom pointed out. "You know that you are loved, so it will be easier for you to work through this with Olivia and Noah as your concrete foundation."</p>
      <p>"Olivia is certain an immovable force," Barba joked softly and Lindstrom smiled.</p>
      <p>"If you feel you want to talk to your mother alone then that is perfectly fine, but if you feel more able to face this together then I think that would also be appropriate," Lindstrom pointed out.</p>
      <p>"Take Olivia with me to talk to my mother?" Barba asked, clearly surprised.</p>
      <p>"You are a unit now, Rafael, I have no doubt that if you asked for her support Olivia would be there for you," Lindstrom assured.</p>
      <p>"I don't doubt that, I'm not sure how my mother would react though," Barba's mouth turned up in a half-smile.</p>
      <p>"These are difficult issues that your mother has avoided facing for your entire life, you have a right to do this on your terms, Rafael." He looked at the time, "So we're approaching the end of our session. Are you okay with coming to see me at the same time next week?"</p>
      <p>"That's fine, and thank you…" Barba smiled gratefully. He felt surprisingly exhausted but also relieved.</p>
      <p>"You have the information I gave you about starting to work through your night terrors and with your permission I'm going to arrange a session with Olivia later in the week. Not a therapy session, more of a workshop helping her to understand ways that she can help you."</p>
      <p>Barba looked surprised but nodded, "Olivia didn't mention that."</p>
      <p>"We spoke earlier today, she said that she was happy for me to discuss this with you…that you wouldn't be seeing each other before tonight's session and that is the only reason that you wouldn't already know. Olivia loves you, Rafael, she wants to make sure that she is fully informed and prepared to help you," Lindstrom smiled and nodded at him.</p>
      <p>Barba was incredibly touched but simply nodded and stood. "Well, thank you, Dr Lindstrom," he held out his hand and Lindstrom stood to shake it firmly.</p>
      <p>"A pleasure to meet you, Rafael," Lindstrom replied warmly. "Can I ask you to do one thing for me this week?"</p>
      <p>"Like homework?" Barba asked with a smile.</p>
      <p>"Sure, I guess…" Lindstrom chuckled softly. "Therapy homework."</p>
      <p>"Okay…" Barba replied a little cautiously.</p>
      <p>"Next time you and Olivia are alone I want you to take five minutes, set an alarm if you need to, and really look into her eyes…" Barba smiled a little and raised an eyebrow but Lindstrom continued. "Look into her eyes, think about how much you love her, think about all the things that you told me are so wonderful about her…then think about those feelings of inadequacy, think about why you thought she would never consider a relationship with you, why you never considered yourself to be her 'type'…then really look into her eyes again and when you come back next week tell me what you found… Okay?"</p>
      <p>Barba smiled and frowned a little, then shook his head and laughed, "Homework - spend five minutes looking into Olivia Benson's eyes. I wished you'd assigned my projects at college."</p>
      <p>Lindstrom laughed, he really liked Rafael Barba and was fascinated to meet the man who had clearly captured Olivia Benson's heart. "I'll see you next week, Rafael."</p>
      <p> </p>
      <p>
        <em>TBC...</em>
      </p>
      <p> </p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Cásate Conmigo</h2></a>
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      <p>When Barba arrived home he was still contemplating his session with Dr Lindstrom. So much so that as he pushed the door closed he didn't hear Noah rushing toward him until the little boy had already attached himself to his legs.</p>
      <p>"Noah!" Barba laughed and crouched down next to his young friend. "I thought you would be in bed by the time I got home."</p>
      <p>Noah smiled and nodded down at his pyjamas, "I'm all ready for bedtime, but Mommy promised that I could wait up to see you. I'm so excited!"</p>
      <p>Barba looked at Olivia as she walked around the corner, he was about to ask her what was going on when Noah wrapped his arms around his neck and almost throttled him.</p>
      <p>"We're going to keep you forever!" Noah said happily and tightened his grip.</p>
      <p>Barba looked up at Olivia, who was now smiling down at them tearfully.</p>
      <p>"Noah, you're going to strangle me," Barba chuckled. His heart was beating double-time in reaction to how excited his young friend appeared.</p>
      <p>Noah pulled back and beamed at him, "Me and Mommy have decided to ask you to stay forever - so will you? Will you stay with us forever?"</p>
      <p>Barba smiled up at Olivia, then looked back at Noah and ran his hand over his head, "Noah, I would love nothing more."</p>
      <p>"You love my mommy?" Noah asked and bit his lip a little shyly.</p>
      <p>"I love your mommy very much," Barba stood and lifted Noah. He left his bag by the door, then walked over to lean in and kiss her lightly.</p>
      <p>Noah scrunched his nose up, "Eww!"</p>
      <p>"You'd better get used to that, Noah, I'm going to kiss your mommy a whole lot!" Barba teased and then tickled him.</p>
      <p>Noah laughed and buried his face against Barba's shoulder.</p>
      <p>"Shall we get you to bed so that you don't have to watch anymore?" Barba suggested.</p>
      <p>Noah looked up at him and grinned. "Sure, Uncle Rafa, but I don't mind if you kiss Mommy…as long as that means you'll stay forever?" he bargained.</p>
      <p>"That seems like a very reasonable settlement," Barba laughed and looked at Olivia. "Shall I take him to bed? I need to talk to you about something and I also have some homework to do once he is settled."</p>
      <p>"Work-homework?" Noah asked after his mummy had agreed and his Uncle Rafa turned to walk him toward his bedroom.</p>
      <p>"You know that I went to talk to a doctor tonight?" Barba asked. "About what happened to me when I was a little boy…?"</p>
      <p>Noah nodded, "It's important to talk about things that are upsetting you, or they get bigger and bigger and they upset you even more."</p>
      <p>"Very good, Noah," Barba nodded. Then he lifted the sheets and placed Noah into the bed, "…and I hope you know that if anything is ever bothering you, you can always talk to either me or Mommy."</p>
      <p>Noah grinned, "There's three of us now."</p>
      <p>"There is," Barba smiled in agreement.</p>
      <p>"So did the doctor give you homework, Uncle Rafa?" Noah asked as he snuggled down.</p>
      <p>"He did, but most of my homework involves talking to your mommy, so I really don't mind," Barba explained as he tucked him in.</p>
      <p>Noah giggled, "I think talking to mommy is your favourite, Uncle Rafa…maybe one day Miss Glenister will ask me to play Legos for <em>my</em> homework?"</p>
      <p>Barba laughed and leaned to kiss his forehead, "Go to sleep. I'll see you in the morning, okay?"</p>
      <p>"And the morning after that. And the morning after that. And the morning after that. And the morning after that…" Noah repeated happily.</p>
      <p>"And the morning after that…" Barba smiled as he walked toward the door.</p>
      <p>"I love you forever, Uncle Rafa," Noah said just as Barba reached the door.</p>
      <p>Barba froze, his breath stopped for a second and he closed his eyes before he finally replied, "I love you forever too, Noah." Then he turned off the light and slipped out of the room.</p>
      <p>Olivia had poured him a glass of wine and was walking toward the couch.</p>
      <p>"Noah just told me that he'll love me forever," Barba said, still sounding shocked.</p>
      <p>Olivia put the wine down on the coffee table and brought her hand up to cover her heart as he walked over to join her.</p>
      <p>"Oh Rafa…" she whispered tearfully and then leaned in to kiss him.</p>
      <p>"So that's sealed it…" Barba joked lightly and slipped his hands to her waist, pulling her against him, "...you're stuck with me now."</p>
      <p>They fell into a deep and eager kiss, searching and tugging underneath clothes until finally, Barba pulled back and breathlessly rested his forehead against hers.</p>
      <p>"We need to roll this back…" he smiled reluctantly.</p>
      <p>"Oh yes, 'homework' time," Olivia agreed with a smirk.</p>
      <p>"Noah said it's my favourite thing to do, I think he's right…" Barba smiled.</p>
      <p>Olivia raised an eyebrow.</p>
      <p>"Talking with you…" he explained softly and then added, "…and I didn't mention this part to Noah, in case it invited further questions, but my homework also involves my other favourite activity - looking at you."</p>
      <p>"Lindstrom told you to go home and <em>look</em> at me?" Olivia asked with laughter in her voice as she started to pull at his tie.</p>
      <p>"If you believe undressing me is going to encourage conversation then you are mistaken," Barba grinned as she slipped off his tie and tossed it to one side.</p>
      <p>"I'm just helping you to get comfortable," Olivia smiled, taking off his jacket and then casually slipping out his cufflinks and turning up his sleeves. "Sit, ADA Barba…time to do your homework."</p>
      <p>Barba sat down and pulled off his shoes, before finally turning toward her.</p>
      <p>"So…?" Olivia asked a little more seriously now.</p>
      <p>Barba smiled, "Don't worry…it's nothing that is going to ruin our evening."</p>
      <p>Olivia laughed, amused but undaunted, "I'm not worried about our evening, Rafa. I want to do anything I can to help you."</p>
      <p>He nodded, "Lindstrom told me about your session later in the week. You're incredible, you know that, right?"</p>
      <p>"I love you," she replied simply, then shrugged as though that explained everything...and he supposed that it did.</p>
      <p>Barba looked at her curiously for a few moments and then nodded. "So…homework? Part one is partly a self-assigned project. I've recognised, with prompting from you <em>and</em> Lindstrom, that I need to sit down and talk to my mother about what happened during my childhood."</p>
      <p>Olivia nodded, she had expected that this would be part of his process.</p>
      <p>"However, talking to Lindstrom helped me to understand that I do not need to face that alone…" Olivia reached out for his hand and Barba linked their fingers. "How would you feel about coming with me?"</p>
      <p>Olivia was a little surprised but nodded easily, "Anything you need, of course."</p>
      <p>"It's not about two against one. I love my mom, but I'd feel more able to face this with…" Barba trailed off.</p>
      <p>Olivia nodded and shifted closer to him on the couch, "We're a team, Rafa. I'm here for you, whatever you need."</p>
      <p>Barba nodded gratefully and squeezed her hand. "The other part might turn out to be a little ridiculous…" he suggested with a slightly embarrassed chuckle.</p>
      <p>She raised an eyebrow.</p>
      <p>"I need to time five minutes and look into your eyes," Barba smiled awkwardly.</p>
      <p>"Just look into my eyes?" Olivia was amused, but she was also concerned that Lindstrom had picked up on some problems between them.</p>
      <p>"I think this is rooted in comments I made about doubting that you would consider me…consider a relationship with me…" Barba tried to explain.</p>
      <p>"So this is about addressing communication barriers?" Olivia inquired.</p>
      <p>"I've moved past that now, Liv..." Barba assured.</p>
      <p>Olivia nodded, she reached to set the alarm on her phone, then dropped it next to her leg on the couch. "Okay, five minutes," she instructed.</p>
      <p>He opened his mouth to speak but Olivia brought her hand up to place a finger on his lips, then looked into his eyes.</p>
      <p>Barba nodded and followed Lindstrom's instructions; thinking about the many things he loved about Olivia Benson. He remembered how he had felt in the past - he had accepted his own feelings but assumed that they were unrequited. Now he really looked into her eyes and acknowledged something for the first time - he stopped thinking about how much he loved her, about how she made him feel...and allowed himself to really see how she felt for him.</p>
      <p>Olivia smiled a little and shifted in her seat, bringing her other hand up to take his as she held his firm gaze.</p>
      <p>He saw love, respect, desire…alongside her own shades of lingering doubts and insecurities…he saw everything he felt reflected back at him. Without even thinking twice Barba leaned in and kissed her.</p>
      <p>"Umm…five minutes…?" Olivia smiled against his lips even as she pulled him closer and lay back.</p>
      <p>Barba moved above her. "Forget it, this is all the therapy I need," he quipped and then stroked his hand down her waist before tugging up her shirt, reaching inside and feeling the silky skin of her back.</p>
      <p>She laughed against his lips and then craned her neck back when Barba's mouth trailed eagerly down her throat. "Your…oh God, that feels amazing…" her eyes rolled back when his teeth nipped above the pulse point on her neck and his tongue swiped hungrily, "...your homework!" She laughed loudly and then bit her lip, worried about waking Noah.</p>
      <p>"Think Doctor Lindstrom would understand…" Barba hummed against her skin and then looked up to meet her eyes.</p>
      <p><em>"God…"</em> Olivia groaned and arched up toward him as her fingers clawed into his hair.</p>
      <p>"Bedroom?" Barba suggested then grabbed her hand and tugged Olivia to her feet without waiting for a reply.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>An hour later, Barba and Olivia lay facing each other in the bed, her hand resting on his chest and his on her hip.</p>
      <p>"I bet my phone battery will be dead by now," Olivia observed eventually and Barba grinned.</p>
      <p>"Thank goodness you put it on vibrate so that it didn't wake Noah," he added and Olivia laughed softly.</p>
      <p>"That must be way more than five minutes though...?" Olivia proposed with a grin.</p>
      <p>"I really don't care, I could lie here looking at you all night…" Barba's mouth turned up into a half-smile and Olivia slapped his chest lightly. "You really are beautiful," he added.</p>
      <p>"Rafael…" She rolled her eyes and smiled.</p>
      <p>"You are…" Barba insisted, "…but it's more than simply how gorgeous you look," he smiled at her with sparkling eyes and then continued more seriously, "...it's everything you are…everything you stand for…just <em>everything."</em></p>
      <p>"Rafa…" She whispered a little tearfully now.</p>
      <p>"I think I know why Lindstrom asked me to do this," Barba reflected, still looking into her eyes.</p>
      <p>Olivia didn't speak now, she just waited patiently.</p>
      <p>"I guess he read between the lines and saw that I had believed you to be out of my league," Barba smiled hesitantly.</p>
      <p>Olivia laughed now and he raised an eyebrow.</p>
      <p>"Rafa..." She smiled dryly, "...you know that's all bullshit right? Besides, you're gorgeous, smart, charismatic..." her voice was getting teasingly lower now and Barba laughed a little, "...and <em>so</em> sexy I swear to God sometimes juries ask for transcripts of your summations because they're so busy listening to you talk that they lose track of the facts."</p>
      <p>Barba laughed, "Now you're just massaging my ego...and I'm not convinced that that last part would be a good thing."</p>
      <p>Olivia chuckled and disregarded his concern. "You're a good looking man, Rafael, but you have something that goes beyond looks, you're sexy...positively <em>sensual."</em> She moved closer and ran her eyes over his face appreciatively. "People want to be around you, mi amor, when you talk they listen...and when they listen to you talk...they <em>want</em> you." Her hand slipped down over his waist and then grabbed his ass and pulled herself closer. "I want you," she assured firmly, "...I've wanted you from day one. Then the more I got to know you, the more I wanted to be around you and the more I was afraid of messing this up, of not having you in my life at all. So I compartmentalized," she explained succinctly.</p>
      <p>Barba smiled in wonder and then nodded, "You could have had me from day one, you know?"</p>
      <p>Olivia tilted her head and took in his words, then nodded slowly, "Maybe...if you say so...but it wouldn't have been like this."</p>
      <p>"We weren't ready," Barba agreed.</p>
      <p>"I feel like we could have maybe shaved off a couple of years though, what's the female equivalent of blue balls?" Olivia joked lightly.</p>
      <p>Barba raised an eyebrow, "I seem to remember <em>someone</em> dating for quite a while..."</p>
      <p>Olivia nodded, "I loved him..." she saw the pain on Barba's face and added, "...not like this, never like this, but I wouldn't have been with him if I didn't care for him."</p>
      <p>He nodded slowly.</p>
      <p>"What we had wasn't enough though, if it were it wouldn't have finished. Then toward the end..." Olivia trailed off and looked unsure if she should continue.</p>
      <p>Barba waited encouragingly.</p>
      <p>"There might have been one or two occasions when a certain ADA came into my head while we were...in bed..." Olivia smirked, smiling but still a little embarrassed.</p>
      <p>"Olivia Benson!" Barba exclaimed with mock horror and laughed. He leaned in to kiss her, <em>"Reeeeally?"</em></p>
      <p>Olivia let her lips dance over his a little. "The effect was subpar though, you're..."</p>
      <p>Barba raised an eyebrow.</p>
      <p>"You are much..." she smiled, "...more <em>generous.</em>"</p>
      <p>His smile broadened now and his eyes danced.</p>
      <p>"He was more than...adequate..." she smiled and kissed him again, snuggling closer, "...you're just..."</p>
      <p>He waited, his mouth turned up in a half-smile, clearly determined to make her finish.</p>
      <p>Olivia laughed, "Okay! Okay! You're, by far, the most 'adequate' I've ever had!"</p>
      <p>Barba grinned against her mouth, "Yeah?"</p>
      <p>"I must have done something good in a past life..." she hummed happily as he unexpectedly lifted her leg and pushed inside, "...Oh, you like compliments then?"</p>
      <p>"From you," he kissed her and began to thrust slowly. "I love you," he added sincerely.</p>
      <p>"Oh, Rafa, I love you too," she smiled and then gasped as her body reacted to his sudden welcome intrusion. "You're so much more than I ever allowed myself to hope for."</p>
      <p>They slowly brought each other to gentle orgasms and then kissed lazily for several minutes.</p>
      <p>Eventually, Barba pulled back a little and rested his forehead against hers, "We both had rather wretched childhoods and unsatisfactory experiences of relationships…but when I look into your eyes the negative thoughts in my head fade away and all I can see now is how much you love me." He edged closer and Olivia leaned in to kiss him. "No more second-guessing, Liv."</p>
      <p>"So…?" Olivia asked softly, she knew this man so well and he clearly had a point that he was working up to.</p>
      <p>"So…" Barba breathed in, "…marry me?"</p>
      <p>Her eyes widened, she wasn't sure where this was going but she hadn't been expecting that. "Are you serious?" She asked their bodies still hot and breaths a little short after their gentle exertion.</p>
      <p>"I'm certain about this, Liv, and I know that you are too. We'll only get one chance. I know that we could live together and still be completely committed to each other - but I'm a lawyer, I love contracts and paperwork." He smirked and she smiled a little tearfully. "I'm serious, mi amor. I want you and Noah to be mine, and I want to be yours. Family. Next of kin. My…"</p>
      <p>Olivia stopped his words with her lips and kissed him, moving straddle his waist before looking down and smiling.</p>
      <p>"You know if someone had asked me a year ago whether I saw myself getting married I would have said no. Hell, ten years ago…" she laughed, "…even last week I might have said all that was behind me." She thought for a second and was about to speak again when Barba clarified.</p>
      <p>"You don't have to say anything now. If you don't want to…or you're not ready…that changes nothing. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. I love you..." Barba started to assure.</p>
      <p>She laughed and leaned down to kiss him, "You're crazy…"</p>
      <p>He went to speak again and this time she covered his mouth completely with her hand.</p>
      <p>"Rafa..." she smiled and gazed at him, eyes dancing with happiness, "...you're <em>crazy</em> if you think I'd say anything but <em>yes</em> to you. We're going to grow old together, mi amor. 85, 95, even 105...I expect to be squabbling with you. You and Noah <em>are</em> my family."</p>
      <p>His eyes welled with tears at the shared memory of those words. Her hand still covered his mouth so he licked her palm, nipping her skin lightly before she moved the hand down slowly and stroked his neck.</p>
      <p>"I couldn't imagine myself leaving SVU, I couldn't imagine myself getting married…but then nothing in my experience could have allowed me to imagine <em>this</em> with you."</p>
      <p>"Partners...?" Barba suggested and sat up, wrapping her in his arms as her legs encircled his waist.</p>
      <p>"Partners," Olivia nodded tearfully and kissed him, one hand stroking over his back as the other combed through his hair.</p>
      <p>"I could talk to Noah as well…" He paused, somehow this question seemed harder than the first and the words stuck in his throat. "If that's what <em>he</em> wants and if it's what <em>you</em> want…?"</p>
      <p>Olivia sucked in a breath and swallowed hard, a tear sliding down her cheek as she read the beautiful unspoken question in his eyes and then nodded slowly.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>On Friday evening, following a lengthy talk with Olivia, Barba sat nervously on the edge of Noah's bed and took a deep breath. His proposal had felt natural…but right now every insecurity in his mind seemed to be spiralling.</p>
      <p>"Uncle Rafa, you look poorly…" Noah observed sadly and then clambered up to lay his little palm on his forehead, just like his mommy did when he felt ill.</p>
      <p>Barba smiled and shook his head as Noah sat back and looked at him with almost parental concern.</p>
      <p>"I feel okay, mijo," he took a deep breath and then continued, "…I guess I just want to tell you something and…and then ask you something. I'm a little nervous."</p>
      <p>Noah frowned anxiously, "You've changed your mind and you are going away?"</p>
      <p>Barba's heart rate accelerated and he shook his head quickly, the last thing in the world he wanted to do was make Noah feel worried or insecure. "Never that, Noah. I love you and your mommy more than anything and I will never leave you, I promise."</p>
      <p>Noah smiled now and seemed to relax. "Well... If we're all together nothing could be all that bad. Could it, Uncle Rafa?"</p>
      <p>Barba's mouth turned up in a half-smile, then he nodded and took a deep breath. "Okay, Noah. So, last night I asked your mommy a very important question. I asked your mommy to marry me."</p>
      <p>Noah nodded and tilted his head, clearly needing more information.</p>
      <p>"Your mommy said yes, Noah. That means that not only are we all going to be together, we are also going to visit a judge, who will make us family…" Barba tried to explain.</p>
      <p>"A judge? Like you see at work?" Noah checked.</p>
      <p>"Yes, only this judge will help us with all of the paperwork we need to fill out to make us a <em>real</em> family…" Barba tried to explain.</p>
      <p>Noah nodded and looked down at his sheets for a few thoughtful moments before finally looking up. "So <em>then</em> you will be my daddy?" He asked with a smile.</p>
      <p>"When Mommy and I get married we will be family and then you can call me Daddy if you would like. You can call me whatever you like, whenever you want..." Barba smiled, "...within reason," he added.</p>
      <p>Noah's eyes lit up so Barba felt encouraged and advanced quickly, "You told me at the lake that you would like me to be your daddy. So...would you like me to adopt you, Noah?"</p>
      <p>"Adopt me?" Noah asked with wide eyes.</p>
      <p>"So that legally you would be my little boy…you would be my son," Barba explained cautiously.</p>
      <p>"My <em>forever </em>Daddy?" Noah checked.</p>
      <p>"Forever and ever," Barba nodded.</p>
      <p>Noah leapt up and wrapped his arms around his neck so suddenly and so tightly that Barba laughed in shock, but then the laughter died in his throat when he heard Noah's words.</p>
      <p>"Yes, yes please, stay forever and be my daddy!" Noah gasped delightedly.</p>
      <p>Olivia stood in the doorway behind them and smiled when she watched Barba slowly process Noah's words and then wrap his arms around their son.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>Late on Saturday afternoon, Barba and Olivia walked up the staircase toward his mother's apartment and she could almost feel the nerves radiating off him.</p>
      <p>"This is it," she said softly, "...you only need to do this once and I am right here with you."</p>
      <p>He nodded a little and smiled at her tentatively as they continued their ascent.</p>
      <p>"If you need me to leave at any point just say the word, but until you ask I will be right by your side," Olivia assured.</p>
      <p>Barba smiled a little wider now, "What if you need to use the bathroom?"</p>
      <p>"You can always come with me," she joked and then added, "I went before we left and I haven't had a coffee since lunch, I'm in this for the long haul."</p>
      <p>He laughed softly but he was more than a little touched by her determination to stay close.</p>
      <p>"This might be..." Barba trailed off, the truth was that he had no idea how this conversation would pan out. That was part of the reason he had never tackled it before, he liked to walk into a room with a game plan - but there was no game plan for this. He shook his head and Olivia wordlessly ran her hand down his back, silently reassuring him before he lifted his hand to knock.</p>
      <p>Lucia opened the door within seconds and looked between her son and his friend with an intrigued yet friendly smile. "Rafi, Sargent Benson - I must say I've been fascinated by your impending visit since you called."</p>
      <p>"Please, call me Olivia," she insisted as they made their way inside and removed their coats.</p>
      <p>"And it's Lieutenant now," Barba corrected with a proud smile that made Olivia laugh softly.</p>
      <p>"Lieutenant Olivia," Lucia joked and smiled at them. "Can I get you both a drink?"</p>
      <p>Barba glanced at Olivia - he could read her eyes instantly, telling him that she could do with a drink, then smiled and nodded before turning back to his mother. "Red for both of us please, Mami," he requested.</p>
      <p>"Mind reader now are you?" Lucia asked, assuming her son to be overstepping by requesting on behalf of their guest.</p>
      <p>Olivia laughed, "No, Rafa is quite right...wine would be lovely, Mrs Barba."</p>
      <p>"Lucia, please," the older lady insisted and looked between her two guests. Something about their dynamic and unspoken communication was powerful and a little remarkable. Especially with regard to her son.</p>
      <p>Lucia poured their drinks and they all sat.</p>
      <p>"So, I'm not sure...?" Lucia looked between them.</p>
      <p>"Mami, last week there was a fire in my apartment building," Barba started, he saw the concern in his mother's eyes and rushed to assure her, "...I was fine, it was on another floor, but it brought up some issues."</p>
      <p>"Issues?" Lucia asked and glanced briefly at Olivia.</p>
      <p>"I froze," Barba explained, "...I couldn't even move out of my bed."</p>
      <p>"Incidents like that can be terrifying, sweetheart..." Lucia began slowly.</p>
      <p>"Mami, we both know that this isn't that simple," Barba said calmly, "...if that fire had spread..."</p>
      <p>"You can't..." Lucia started again but this time Barba did cut in.</p>
      <p>"I need to talk to you about this," he stated firmly.</p>
      <p>Lucia looked to Olivia again and then back to her son, "Maybe company isn't..."</p>
      <p>"Olivia knows everything, at least everything that I know. There is nothing you can tell me that I wouldn't feel more comfortable discussing in her presence," Barba assured.</p>
      <p>Lucia looked taken aback, "Our family matters are not..."</p>
      <p>"Olivia<em> is</em> my family, Mami," Barba asserted firmly. "This is not the circumstance under which I would have liked to share this news, but we are getting married."</p>
      <p>Olivia couldn't have imagined that Lucia could have looked more shocked if her son had announced that he was becoming an astronaut.</p>
      <p>"Y-you're...getting married?" Lucia stuttered out. "Why?"</p>
      <p>Barba laughed, smiling at Olivia and reaching for her hand. "Estoy enamorado, Mami," he replied as though it were the most obvious statement in the world.</p>
      <p>Lucia was now momentarily speechless.</p>
      <p>"I moved in with Olivia after the fire in my building," Barba started to explain.</p>
      <p>"You moved in with Olivia?" Lucia glanced at the lieutenant again but then focused on her son.</p>
      <p>"I've been having the nightmares," Barba stated directly.</p>
      <p>"You could have come to stay with me..." Lucia started.</p>
      <p>"I stayed at my office, but Olivia came to get me..." Barba started to explain.</p>
      <p>Lucia looked back at Olivia, "You...?"</p>
      <p>"I heard that Rafa was 'sleeping' in his office," Olivia explained, "...that wasn't going to continue. Although it seems that he wasn't really sleeping much."</p>
      <p>Lucia's mind immediately went to her son's childhood nightmares and put two and two together. "You have a son?" She asked.</p>
      <p>"Noah understands that Rafa is having bad dreams," Olivia filled in the gaps of her statement, "...he loves his Uncle Rafa. The first night, when he was still sleeping on the couch, he actually moved out and slept on the foldout with him...to help keep the bad dreams away."</p>
      <p>Lucia looked tearfully at her son.</p>
      <p>"I'm going to adopt Noah, Mami," he added simply. "Noah is going to be my son and I owe it to him, and to Olivia, to start working through these 'family matters' and be the best person I can be."</p>
      <p>Olivia shook her head and laced their fingers together, "We love you, Rafa. The very best you can be for us is happy, but we'll take you any way we can get you...all <em>we</em> want is a life with you."</p>
      <p>Barba breathed in deeply through his nose and nodded slowly, then he looked back to his mother.</p>
      <p>"I've spent my entire life refusing to confront my childhood, Mami...but I've started to see a therapist and he has recommended that I talk to you about what happened so that I can start to work through my past," Barba explained.</p>
      <p>"This is extremely personal..." Lucia started and glanced once more at Olivia.</p>
      <p>Barba sighed in frustration, "Mami, I assure you that Olivia has seen every scar on my body!"</p>
      <p>"Mijo!" Lucia winced and shook her head.</p>
      <p>"Well, you seem to be having a problem taking this in, so..." Barba started dryly.</p>
      <p>Lucia shot him her sassiest 'Mami Glare'. "You do not speak to me with that tone of voice, chico, and you show me some respect in my own home," she snapped testily.</p>
      <p>Barba held her gaze for a moment and then conceded a conciliatory nod. "Disculpas sinceras," he said more softly.</p>
      <p>They sat in silence for a few seconds before Olivia finally spoke.</p>
      <p>"Maybe if Rafael started by telling you what he <em>does</em> remember?" She proposed calmly. "We need to try to remember that we're all on the same side here."</p>
      <p>"This really is none of your..." Lucia started but Barba held up his hand and she stopped.</p>
      <p>"Ground rules?" He suggested evenly. "I will endeavour to remain calm and speak to you with respect if you promise to extend the same courtesy to Olivia."</p>
      <p>"Mijo..." Lucia started.</p>
      <p>"Let me speak plainly, Mami," Barba continued. "The content of this conversation has the power to greatly impact our own relationship going forward, but there is nothing that could be said in this room...or for that fact <em>any</em> other room...that will impact Olivia or Noah's position in my life."</p>
      <p>"Rafa..." Olivia warned sharply and brought his hand into her lap, enclosing it warmly inside both of hers. "I know this is hard but you need to take a breath, you're here to talk to your mother, not to confront her. You know that I am unbelievably thick-skinned," she smiled at him affectionately now, "...and I am more than willing to take a few blows for you, mi amor."</p>
      <p>Barba laughed softly now and rolled his eyes, "I'm sorry..." He looked at his mother again and nodded, "Shall we start again?"</p>
      <p>Lucia looked between the two once more, still taken aback by their undeniable connection. "You want to talk to me about that night?" She asked her son slowly.</p>
      <p>He took a deep breath and nodded, "I remember the early part of that evening pretty clearly, I'd been sent home with a booklist from school..."</p>
      <p> </p>
      <p>
        <em>TBC...</em>
      </p>
      <p> </p>
    </div>
  </div>
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  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Goodnight</h2></a>
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      <p>"He carried you out," Barba reminded his mother directly after they had reviewed what he remembered of that night.</p>
      <p>"I wasn't conscious," Lucia maintained.</p>
      <p>"…He left me inside," he continued with a detached tone that Olivia recognised as his attempt to remain calm.</p>
      <p>"I'm not even sure he knew where he was that night, let alone where you were," Lucia disputed weakly.</p>
      <p>"All these years and you're <em>still</em> defending him…" Barba raised his tone for the first time in nearly half-an-hour. He felt Olivia's hands tighten around his and he unconsciously moved a little closer so that their sides were almost melded together.</p>
      <p>"I'm not defending him, Rafi, I'm simply stating facts," Lucia asserted.</p>
      <p>"The<em> facts</em> as I see them are that he was lucid enough to take you out and he was lucid enough to beat me twice that evening," Barba responded as diplomatically as possible. "Yet after all that you still stayed with him. Even months later, after you tried to leave him, you still went back."</p>
      <p>"He had everything, Rafi, what was I meant to do?" Lucia asked.</p>
      <p>"I don't know? Leave with me? Start again? Anything but stay there with him!" Barba's voice raised again.</p>
      <p>"It was not that easy, Mijo," Lucia maintained.</p>
      <p>"Like hell it's not! Olivia would never allow Noah to be hurt, she would walk away from everything tomorrow in order to protect her son!" Barba paused and looked at his lover, then seeing a flash of concern in her eyes he realised that he had left himself out of that declaration, "…and, of course, so would I. Absolutely nothing is more important to me than them."</p>
      <p>Lucia was speechless.</p>
      <p>"You could have left him," Barba maintained.</p>
      <p>"We would have had nothing," Lucia repeated. "It was a different time…"</p>
      <p>"I would sleep in a box on the street to protect my son from him!" Barba hissed furiously and then took a deep breath. "I'm not sure that I can do this. This wasn't meant to be accusatory, I just wanted to better understand what happened in order to start moving forward."</p>
      <p>"It's been forty years, Rafael," Lucia pointed out. "How is it possible that you are yet to move on from this?"</p>
      <p>"Because I was a <em>child, </em>Mami…and because I was abused and betrayed by the people who were meant to love and protect me!" Barba seethed quietly now and Lucia looked horrified.</p>
      <p>"You…you think that I betrayed you?" Lucia asked with a slow realization.</p>
      <p>"I understand that my father beat me…but there were <em>two</em> adults living in our home," Barba talked calmly now, but with a distressed edge.</p>
      <p>"Mijo…" Lucia whispered almost silently.</p>
      <p>"You left him once," Barba said, the anger in his voice had lessened and it was now filtered with sadness, "then you returned, knowing what he would do to me."</p>
      <p>Olivia closed her eyes, she stroked her hand over his forearm and took a deep breath. "Lucia…" she said softly and both of them almost looked startled that she had spoken. "You said that your husband controlled your finances?"</p>
      <p>Lucia's eyes welled and she nodded slowly.</p>
      <p>"Did he control anything else? Where you went? Who your friends were? When you were allowed to see your family?" Olivia asked gently. She felt Barba's hand grip hers tighter, he was familiar with those questions and, of course, he knew what they meant.</p>
      <p>"It was a different time," Lucia said firmly. "Husbands and wives were…"</p>
      <p>"Domestic abuse is <em>never </em>okay, Lucia," Olivia said firmly. She paused and then continued, "Did your husband ever hit you?"</p>
      <p>Lucia was quiet.</p>
      <p>"Mami?" Barba asked.</p>
      <p>"It was a long time ago, Mijo," Lucia replied.</p>
      <p>"Pushing this aside has not helped anyone," Barba insisted gently, "…not you, me, or our relationship."</p>
      <p>"Not <em>everything</em> has to be talked through…" Lucia contested.</p>
      <p>Barba sighed in frustration, "Translation: if we do not talk about it it did not happen?"</p>
      <p>"For Rafael?" Olivia asked. "In order to move forward, he needs to understand what happened in his past."</p>
      <p>Lucia closed her eyes and took a deep breath, then finally looked between them and nodded. "That night…the fragments Rafi remembers are correct, but…" she sighed, "…elements of later in the evening happened slightly differently than he recalls."</p>
      <p>Barba looked confused and shook his head.</p>
      <p>"Rafi, when you woke later that night I assume that you did walk through to the kitchen for a drink…and I also assume that you woke your father…" she nodded and closed her eyes at the memory. "I was asleep in bed when I heard your father shouting, he had obviously continued drinking and I knew that he could only have been shouting at you."</p>
      <p>Barba looked at Olivia and shook his head.</p>
      <p>"When I arrived in the kitchen he had you by the throat," Lucia recalled and swallowed hard.</p>
      <p>"I remember that night so clearly, you weren't there," Barba insisted.</p>
      <p>"You were a young child, sweetheart, you've relived these memories a million times over the years and created a narrative…but I promise you that I <em>was </em>there," Lucia assured firmly. "I begged him to leave you alone, but he lashed out at me and knocked the glass from your hand…" she took a breath, "…the glass cut your foot and I…I lost my temper."</p>
      <p>Barba looked shaken and shook his head slowly, the memories in his head seemed so clear.</p>
      <p>"I pulled you away and told you to leave, to go to your room and shut the door…" Lucia recalled. She looked at Olivia, who nodded at her encouragingly. "We…argued…I believe I must have hit my head…"</p>
      <p>"You <em>argued?"</em> Barba seethed angrily now, reading between the lines. What had his father done to her?</p>
      <p>"Rafi…" Lucia entreated. "I woke in the hospital…"</p>
      <p>"He…" Barba looked shocked, "…he knocked you unconscious?"</p>
      <p>"Never, Mijo…" Lucia sobbed now and tears rolled down her face. "I would never have left you alone…never, never..."</p>
      <p>"Mami…" Barba's eyes welled and he shook his head. "Why did you never tell me what happened?"</p>
      <p>"I…" Lucia tried to steel herself, "...you had your own trials, Rafi…you didn't need to take on mine as well."</p>
      <p>"We could have..left?" Barba asked in astonishment.</p>
      <p>"I didn't know how…" Lucia said weakly and shook her head. "I tried so many times…too many to even identify. That one time that you referred to, we stayed in a shelter and found a lawyer. It was one of<em> many</em> attempts to leave, Rafi, but you liked the lawyer…she had a son who you played with and she was kind to you. I think maybe that is why you remember that occasion so vividly."</p>
      <p>Barba looked at Olivia and shook his head in wonder. "I don't remember any of this..." His voice sounding weak and confused.</p>
      <p>Olivia's hand came up to stroke the side of his face, "You know that memories can be unreliable, especially with children…<em>especially </em>when they have been abused. You felt abandoned, mi amor, it makes sense that you created a memory of being all alone. Especially after what happened later that night."</p>
      <p>He took a deep breath and nodded slowly, trying to process for a second and then leaning to rest his forehead against her upper arm. After a moment, he breathed in and then sat up, reaching across to take his mother's hand.</p>
      <p>"You left eventually…what happened?" He asked.</p>
      <p>Lucia smiled wistfully, "Your Abuelita…one day she arrived, packed our things and took us away."</p>
      <p>Barba shook his head in wonder, "Just like that?"</p>
      <p>"She had no idea, but when she found out…" tears welled and slid down Lucia's face now.</p>
      <p>"Mami…" Barba whispered softly.</p>
      <p>"I tried, Mijo. Every single day, in every way that I knew how…and I never stopped trying," she reached out and cupped his cheek gently, "…but I think I needed a little help."</p>
      <p>Tears welled and fell down Olivia's cheeks.</p>
      <p>"Lo siento," Barba whispered softly.</p>
      <p>Lucia laughed through her tears a little. "Oh, Mijo, why are <em>you </em>sorry?" She asked in confusion.</p>
      <p>"I woke these skeletons..." he explained.</p>
      <p>"You were right to do so, Rafi," Lucia insisted. "You and your amor were right, we needed to speak about this…you needed to understand what happened."</p>
      <p>"I've been so afraid, Mami," Barba admitted quietly, "...that I would become him, that I would..."</p>
      <p>Lucia looked shocked, "Never, Rafi! You could never be like him. You always had such a kind heart...my brave boy. That is part of the reason I tried to shield you, I didn't want to put you at greater risk by trying to protect me. That was not your place."</p>
      <p>Olivia's breath caught and she closed her eyes, when she opened them seconds later Barba was looking at her tearfully. She brought her hand to the side of his face and nodded.</p>
      <p>He leaned forward and rested his forehead against Olivia's for a second and then took a steadying breath before turning to look back at his mother with renewed determination. "Can we talk some more? Maybe just...something a little lighter? I feel like I want to talk to you right now. Like a weight has been lifted."</p>
      <p>Lucia smiled softly, they had always been close but she could already feel the potential for something new developing in her relationship with her son. She nodded toward the kitchen, "How about I make us all some food? Then maybe we could chat over dinner? I'd like to get to know Olivia a little more as well..."</p>
      <p>Barba smiled, "Ah, my favorite subject..."</p>
      <p>Lucia beamed proudly at her son and nodded.</p>
      <p>Olivia laughed awkwardly and took a sip of her wine, a little surprised by Barba's effusiveness around his mother, but extremely touched. "Noah is with his sitter until eight, so that sounds perfect," she agreed after a moment.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>Later that evening, Olivia was slipping on her jacket while Barba had gone to the bathroom.</p>
      <p>"It's been a pleasure to meet you properly, Olivia," Lucia said affectionately and pulled her into a warm hug. "Thank you for taking such good care of my boy."</p>
      <p>Olivia held her, then pulled back and smiled. "We'll take care of each other," she assured and Lucia's smile spread, "...right now it's my turn. You never need to thank me for looking after your son, Lucia, he's the love of my life."</p>
      <p>Lucia nodded tearfully, "I hope we're going to see a lot more of each other, Olivia, and I look forward to meeting your son."</p>
      <p>"Soon to be your grandson," Olivia reminded her with a smile. "Noah adores Rafa, just wait until you see them together…I feel like my heart is expanding every single day I'm with them."</p>
      <p>Lucia laughed softly and quickly wiped fresh tears from her eyes, "I promise that I'm not always in floods of tears."</p>
      <p>Olivia smiled and nodded, "I know it's been a difficult day, but thank you. It's probably not my place to thank you, but…"</p>
      <p>Lucia shook her head and cut in, "You love my son, Olivia. So I believe everything about Rafael is <em>your </em>place."</p>
      <p>"Thank you, Lucia," Olivia whispered.</p>
      <p>"Please, if you would feel comfortable I would love for you to call me Mama. I have always longed to have a daughter…but that was not meant to be," Lucia reflected sadly.</p>
      <p>"Mama…" Olivia tried it out softly just before Barba walked around the corner to join them.</p>
      <p>"Ready?" He asked Olivia and her heart skipped a little at the look of adoration in his eyes.</p>
      <p>"I'm ready," she smiled a little tearfully and Barba tilted his head with concern. "I'm good, really, let's go home."</p>
      <p>Lucia smiled, happy to think of her son going 'home' with his family.</p>
      <p>"We'll be in touch, Mami," Barba assured and hugged her.</p>
      <p>"Sure, Mijo," Lucia smiled.</p>
      <p>"How about lunch next Sunday?" Olivia suggested, suddenly not wanting to leave their plans open.</p>
      <p>Lucia looked at her son with surprise.</p>
      <p>"Sunday?" He confirmed to his mother.</p>
      <p><em>"Rafa</em> can cook," Olivia added with a smirk.</p>
      <p>"That sounds really good," Lucia nodded, still a little tearful, and then she smiled. "Rafi, Olivia…thank you."</p>
      <p>"No, thank you, Mami," Barba assured, "…for <em>everything."</em></p>
      <p>"Olivia, I feel like you're a big part of the reason that we're here today," Lucia added affectionately.</p>
      <p>"Not at all," Olivia started, "I just…"</p>
      <p>"You opened my heart, mi amor," Barba insisted and held her gaze for a second, "…you and Noah."</p>
      <p>"I'll see you all next Sunday," Lucia said as she walked them to the door.</p>
      <p>Barba and his mother shared a hug and exchanged their goodbyes, then Lucia moved to embrace Olivia again. "Goodbye, Olivia," She smiled warmly.</p>
      <p>"Goodbye…Mama," Olivia wrapped her arms around her tightly and smiled when she saw Barba's shocked expression as she moved back.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>When they arrived home to Olivia's apartment building Barba walked straight to the back of the elevator and leaned against the rail with a heavy sigh.</p>
      <p>"Hey, are you okay?" Olivia checked-in with concern.</p>
      <p>"Long day…" he smiled at her a little sadly, "...ultimately valuable, but long."</p>
      <p>She walked over and leaned her hip against the wall next to him.</p>
      <p>"He was hurting her," he closed his eyes, "the more I think about it the angrier I get. I really had no idea it was that bad…" he looked up at Olivia as though almost asking for her forgiveness.</p>
      <p>"You were a little boy, your mother hid that from you to protect you," Olivia insisted softly.</p>
      <p>"In my darkest moments…as I got older…I was…" he trailed off, clearly frustrated and feeling guilty.</p>
      <p>"You were angry with her?" Olivia asked.</p>
      <p>"What sort of person does that make me?" Barba hissed sharply.</p>
      <p>"Human," Olivia insisted, tilting her head to catch his eyes. "I had those same thoughts when I heard you talk about your father hurting you. I asked myself why your mother didn't stop it…why she didn't protect you." She sighed as the elevator stopped and she slipped her hand into his. "I wanted to go back in time and rip out his throat…"</p>
      <p>Barba barked out a soft laugh and Olivia looked back at him and smiled as they walked slowly toward her apartment.</p>
      <p>"Your mother was abused, mentally and physically.…" Olivia opened the door and they walked in. Barba nodded thoughtfully and dropped his forehead against Olivia's shoulder as she wrapped him in her arms. "I still want to murder the bastard though…" she added and tightened her grip as her eyes slipped closed.</p>
      <p>"Olivia…" Barba whispered softly. After holding on for a few moments he breathed in and then pulled back to look at her. "I was abused by my father and spent most of my life believing that my mother didn't love me enough to make it stop…or to leave him…"</p>
      <p>Her eyes welled with tears and she nodded slowly, "It's no surprise that you had convinced yourself that you were not worthy of love."</p>
      <p>Barba looked startled and blinked slowly.</p>
      <p>"Mi amor, my beautiful man…you have spent the last few years becoming a prosecutor skilled in bringing down people just like your father. Taking down perps who abuse and hurt people. You are a protector, Rafael." She leaned in and kissed him, then pulled back and looked at him firmly. "Yet still you assumed that I would never love you."</p>
      <p>He went to speak but she shook her head.</p>
      <p>"You are my first choice, mi alma," Olivia assured. "My first and my last…and I plan to never let you doubt that again."</p>
      <p>Barba walked Olivia two steps back against the wall and kissed her so hungrily that she almost felt winded.</p>
      <p>"Raf…" She groaned.</p>
      <p>"I love you," he smiled against her lips and she groaned as he kissed her again.</p>
      <p>Olivia moaned into his mouth, gripping onto his shoulders as one of her legs lifted and curled around to pull him closer.</p>
      <p>"I want you," he whispered hoarsely and Olivia closed her eyes.</p>
      <p>"Rafa…" Olivia looked up at the time. A quarter to eight, Lucy wouldn't be bringing Noah home until at least eight and she had mentioned not having her key with her. She smirked against his lips and sensing her smile Barba pulled back a little.</p>
      <p>"What?" He smiled. "I know, I know, Noah will be home soon. I'll just…"</p>
      <p>Olivia grabbed his hand and tugged him toward the bathroom.</p>
      <p>"We're going to be a family…" Olivia said a little breathlessly as she pushed him toward the sink and shut the door. "We have so much to learn…"</p>
      <p>Barba raised an eyebrow and nodded slowly.</p>
      <p>"Including the requirement for quickies when you have a young child…" Olivia's eyes danced as she quickly began to work on the buttons of her shirt.</p>
      <p>He seemed frozen in place for a second, almost as though struggling to process her words, then almost growled out a laugh as he quickly yanked his shirt over his head. "You're a genius," he said with a smile as he was already pulling down his zipper.</p>
      <p>Olivia quickly unfastened and pushed down her pants, then pulled down her underwear and turned to hop up onto the counter.</p>
      <p>"No," Barba said quickly and she raised her eyebrows. "Like this…?" He suggested a slight question in his voice as he directed her to turn and face the mirror.</p>
      <p>Olivia grinned and arched back against him, feeling his solid length against her ass.</p>
      <p>His teeth grazed her shoulder, smiling and tugging at her shirt with his teeth before drawing it back down her arms then roughly pulling down one of the cups of her bra. His hand covered and then pinched one of her taut nipples, causing Olivia to gasp and laugh.</p>
      <p>"Now," she groaned and pushed back against him. "No time…"</p>
      <p>Barba pushed down his boxers, stroked himself twice and then quickly lined up, feeling her slick folds before he swiftly pushed inside.</p>
      <p>"Oh fuck…" Olivia gasped and her head dropped forward.</p>
      <p>"Okay? Too much?" He gasped and closed his eyes, his forehead dropping to rest on her back.</p>
      <p>"Never…never too much," Olivia gasped and then cried out when he pulled back a little and then thrust home.</p>
      <p>Barba groaned and brought one hand to her hip as the other kneaded her breast, pinching roughly at her nipple.</p>
      <p>"Perfect," Olivia moaned and reached back to comb her fingers into his hair, before turning and blindly covering his lips, her tongue thrusting into his mouth and tangling with his desperately.</p>
      <p>After several firm thrusts, Barba could already feel his climax building. "God, close…" he hissed and grazed her shoulder blade with his teeth.</p>
      <p>Olivia reached for the hand on her hip and pulled it around, guiding it to her clit and causing Barba to smile and then nip her skin.</p>
      <p>"Like…a woman who…knows…" he began to firmly circle her clit with his fingers as his thrusts became quicker and his breathing shortened, "…what she …wants…" he gasped in time with the drives of his hips.</p>
      <p>Olivia groaned, the angle changing slightly and stimulation from his fingers pulling her to the edge. "You!" She cried out as she came, feeling her core grip and pull him over the edge.</p>
      <p>As soon as he came inside her Barba pulled out and turned Olivia toward him. Wrapping her close and covering her lips in a heated kiss. She could hear tears in his voice as he touched her, "God, I love you. I needed you…thank you…"</p>
      <p>Olivia combed her hands into his hair and kissed him, longing to wrap her legs around him but smiling against his lips when she found that they were pinned in place by her pants.</p>
      <p>"Rafa…" she kissed along his jaw and breathed in his scent as she reached his neck. "We need a shower before Noah gets home and we're both a little...trapped."</p>
      <p>He glanced down at their legs and chuckled deeply as his hands stroked up and down her damp back. "I could keep you here forever," he teased against her skin.</p>
      <p>"You could and I would be you willing prisoner…" she smiled and kissed him again, "…but…"</p>
      <p>"Noah," Barba grinned against her mouth and then regretfully pulled back.</p>
      <p>They kept shooting each other looks as they stripped off their clothes and then Barba held out his hand and chivalrously held it as she climbed into the shower, then followed.</p>
      <p>Each quickly washed, with only occasional touches, and then stepped out and wrapped themselves in towels. Barba stepped up and encircled his arms around her, nuzzling into her body as they settled into a warm embrace.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>Five minutes later, they had only just pulled on some clothes when they heard a knock at the door.</p>
      <p>"I'll get it, you dry your hair," Barba insisted and then kissed Olivia's temple before leaving her to watch him walk away with a big smile on her face.</p>
      <p>Seriously, how could she not love that man?</p>
      <p>He opened the door and Noah ran into him and wrapped his arms around his legs. "I told Lucy that you're going to be my daddy and Lucy said I'm a very lucky boy. I think I'm very lucky as well…" The little boy babbled excitedly.</p>
      <p>"I'm a very lucky man," Barba supplemented and smiled at Lucy. "Has he been okay?"</p>
      <p>After her conversation with Olivia the other day Lucy had been a little worried, but having spent almost an entire day listening to Noah wax lyrically about the man who was going to be his daddy she was starting to feel like she could easily fall in love with this man herself. "He's over the moon, Mr Barba. High energy…but good. I don't think you'll have much trouble getting him to sleep tonight."</p>
      <p>Barba smiled and nodded, "Thank you, Lucy…and please, call be Rafael."</p>
      <p>"Mommy calls him Rafa! Now I can call Uncle Rafa Daddy, which is great, but a little confusing…" Noah chattered on excitedly, "…like if Lucy suddenly told me her name was Sophie…which it isn't…but it is my friend Sophie's name."</p>
      <p>Barba looked at Lucy and raised his eyebrows.</p>
      <p>"Like I said, <em>very</em> excitable!" Lucy laughed. "I'm sure he'll calm down, think Christmas...on sugar."</p>
      <p>The ADA lifted Noah up and smiled at Lucy, "Sorry if he's been a lot."</p>
      <p>Lucy laughed and reached out to stroke over the little boy's head. "Not at all, he…" she paused and smiled, "…he thinks the world of his new daddy."</p>
      <p>"D-daddy…" Noah said carefully and Barba felt his heart skip a beat, "…can we play carousel building?!"</p>
      <p>Struggling to manage words Barba nodded and swallowed hard.</p>
      <p>Lucy could see his difficulty and smiled broadly at the lawyer, "Maybe when you get a moment you could ask Olivia to send me your number? I might find it useful, just in case I'm struggling to get in touch with Olivia."</p>
      <p>Barba nodded speechlessly and Lucy shook her head in amusement as she said goodbye and walked away.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>Later that evening, Olivia walked around from the kitchen and flopped onto the couch next to Barba and Noah, who were both already dressed for bed.</p>
      <p>"I'm exhausted…" She said softly and Noah watched with a smile when she leaned against Barba's shoulder and closed her eyes.</p>
      <p>Barba reached across and tucked some hair behind her ear, "You should have let me clean up, mi amor, or at least let me help."</p>
      <p>She smiled sleepily and snuggled against him, "You cooked dinner…" her apartment felt especially warm and cosy and sleep was already beckoning, "…and you boys have a carousel to buil…"</p>
      <p>Barba and Noah watched as her words trailed off and Olivia fell asleep.</p>
      <p>Noah grinned at his Uncle Rafa, "Mommy is really <em>very</em> tired!"</p>
      <p>"How about we put sleepy Mommy to bed first, then you?" He suggested and Noah laughed.</p>
      <p>"Okay, Un…" he paused and then corrected himself, "…Daddy, I would like that."</p>
      <p>Barba felt tears well in his eyes as he began to stand.</p>
      <p>Noah watched with a wide smile as Barba bent and raised his mommy into his arms, then he followed him through to their bedroom. Olivia had only pulled on some yoga pants and a t-shirt after their shower so Barba nodded for Noah to pull back the sheets and then placed her carefully onto the bed before lifting the covers.</p>
      <p>Olivia burrowed into the pillow and smiled, her eyes remaining closed.</p>
      <p>"Rafa, come to bed…" she murmured softly.</p>
      <p>"Mommy is lonely," Noah smiled, "…she wants a hug."</p>
      <p>Barba laughed and leaned to kiss her temple. "I'll be right back, mi amor," he whispered, "…I'm just going to put Noah to bed." Then he stood and held out his hand to Noah.</p>
      <p>They walk through to his bedroom and he watched as the little boy climbed into bed. "Mommy is happy," he observed with a smile as he lay down.</p>
      <p>"Mommy is tired…" Barba joked and tucked in his sheets. "Do you want a story?"</p>
      <p>Noah shook his head, "I think Mommy would rather have a cuddle."</p>
      <p>Barba laughed, "That is very thoughtful, Mijo, how about an extra-long storytime tomorrow?"</p>
      <p>"With you and Mommy?" Noah suggested.</p>
      <p>"Deal," Barba nodded and then leaned to kiss his forehead. "Goodnight, Noah."</p>
      <p>Noah closed his eyes and then suddenly they popped open. "You know how you're staying forever?" He asked eagerly.</p>
      <p>Just as Barba was about to stand he paused and nodded. "Yes?" He asked.</p>
      <p>"Mommy told me that we get a camping trip..." Noah smiled.</p>
      <p>Barba smirked, "As part of the deal?"</p>
      <p>"I think so…?" Noah sounded a little more doubtful now. "We definitely talked about camping."</p>
      <p>"Riiiiight…" Barba laughed softly and nodded.</p>
      <p>"Please, <em>Daddy?!"</em> Noah asked with wide eyes.</p>
      <p>Barba laughed as he stood and then ruffled his hair, "I'll look into it, okay? And talk to your mommy."</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>Five minutes later, Barba climbed into bed and spooned up behind Olivia, it was only a little after nine-thirty but he really didn't care.</p>
      <p>"Your son has me wrapped around his little finger," Barba murmured against her neck.</p>
      <p>"So when you're being played he's going to be 'my son'?" Olivia replied sleepily and squirmed back against him.</p>
      <p>"I feel that he developed the skill from you," Barba retorted dryly.</p>
      <p>Olivia smiled and sleepily turned towards him, pulling close and nuzzling against his throat. "What did he want?" She asked against the stubble-rough skin under his jaw and then breathed in deeply.</p>
      <p>"A camping trip," Barba smiled, wondering how he could have ever considered moving back to his huge yet cold and empty bed.</p>
      <p>Olivia smiled, "He mentioned that to me as well."</p>
      <p>"Can you get the time off?" Barba asked his eyes already closed and sleep now beckoning him.</p>
      <p>She grinned and slipped her hand inside the back of his shirt, humming at the already familiar feeling of his warm skin under her fingers. "Sucker…" she pressed a smile teasingly against him before tugging at his shirt with her teeth.</p>
      <p>"We could go alone, just me and Noah, in the wild…" Barba teased.</p>
      <p>"Oh no," Olivia cut in quickly, "…maybe one day that might be nice, but right now I don't want you out of my sight. I'm not rattling around here on my own without you two."</p>
      <p>Barba chuckled, "It's not that long since you were planning to do that to me."</p>
      <p>She hummed, "If I'd known that this was an option I wouldn't have even tabled the idea."</p>
      <p>"So you really do just want me for my body?" He hummed contently.</p>
      <p>"Pretty much..." She smiled.</p>
      <p>"So you'll book some vacation after this case?" He suggested.</p>
      <p>Olivia nodded silently. Then after a minute, she added, "I love it here…curled sleepily in your arms. I almost don't want to fall asleep."</p>
      <p>"I'm here nightly," Barba quipped, running his hand down her back before tucking it comfortably into the band of her yoga pants.</p>
      <p>"What if I'm dreaming and when I fall asleep I wake up?" Olivia suggested barely audibly.</p>
      <p>Barba smirked and opened one eye to look down at the top of her head, "Tell you what, sleep now and then when you wake up you might start making sense."</p>
      <p>Olivia chuckled softly and nodded.</p>
      <p>"If I'm not here when you wake...if this was all a dream," he added after a few moments, "…please come and find me, not being with you is breaking my heart."</p>
      <p>Surprised to feel tears suddenly well in her eyes Olivia nodded quickly and then stretched up to press a kiss blindly to his lips. "Ditto…" she replied softly.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>When Olivia woke she looked at the time and saw that it was a little after 4 am. She smiled and rolled her eyes, this is what you get when you go to bed before 10!</p>
      <p>She looked down, scanned the broad expanse of her lover's chest and thought back to the words he had said during their sleepy conversation the night before.</p>
      <p>"Barba…" she murmured deeply before lifting his shirt and trailing her lips over his belly.</p>
      <p>Barba stirred at the now unfamiliar greeting from her lips and blinked his eyes to find her looking up at him with a playful expression.</p>
      <p>"Barba?" He asked roughly and then his breath caught when she flicked out her tongue and tasted his skin.</p>
      <p>"What you said last night?" She smiled.</p>
      <p>He raised an eyebrow.</p>
      <p>"About coming to find you..." she murmured teasingly.</p>
      <p>"S-sure…" Barba nodded, his heart rate already rising at the heated look in her eyes.</p>
      <p>"That was pretty hot you know?" Olivia added. "It certainly gave me food for thought..."</p>
      <p>Barba's sleepy brain tried to catch up and he blinked.</p>
      <p>"I'm thinking a little role play…" She pulled at the band of his bottoms and freed his heavy length. "I come to your office, late at night...to <em>get</em> you."</p>
      <p>"You mean…" Barba groaned when her tongue flicked out along his slit.</p>
      <p>"Late one night, when we're all alone…maybe Lieutenant Benson could come by and show ADA Barba a good time?" Olivia licked her lips before taking the tip of his cock into her mouth.</p>
      <p>Barba's head dropped back and he growled loudly before quickly biting his lip.</p>
      <p>This woman was going to be the death of him.</p>
      <p> </p>
      <p>
        <em>TBC...</em>
      </p>
      <p> </p>
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<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Home</h2></a>
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      <p>"So, what did he say?" Olivia asked Barba the following Wednesday as he walked around the kitchen counter.</p>
      <p>He arrived behind her and rested his hand at her lower back, leaning in to kiss her neck. "Lindstrom?" He checked and reached to steal a sip of wine from her glass.</p>
      <p>"No, Buchanan," Olivia retorted dryly. "Of course Lindstrom!"</p>
      <p>Barba chuckled and nudged her hip as he reached up for his own glass from the cupboard. "He said it's about time…" he smiled at her and shrugged, "…he's not wrong."</p>
      <p>"Well, I have been waiting a <em>long time</em> for you to get your head out of your ass," Olivia teased, then gasped when she found herself turned around and pushed back against the counter.</p>
      <p>"That so?" He smiled and ran his hands around her hips as he kissed her teasingly.</p>
      <p>"Mmmmm…" She hummed against his lips, holding her hands away from him so that she didn't get his suit dirty.</p>
      <p>"What are you making?" He asked and stepped even closer, pushing up against her as his hands slid around to her ass.</p>
      <p>"Sea bass, salad, nothing exciting…" She smiled and kissed him again before reluctantly pushing him away with her hips and turning back to their dinner.</p>
      <p>"Sounds great, thank you…" Barba said with an appreciative smile.</p>
      <p>"Go get comfortable, it'll be ten minutes," Olivia nodded toward their bedroom.</p>
      <p>"Noah's asleep?" Barba checked.</p>
      <p>"He is. It took a while for him to settle though, he was determined that he wanted to stay up to see you, but we can't allow him to get used to that every night," she explained.</p>
      <p>"I know," he trailed his hand up her back and then stepped away, "…do you mind if I just look in?"</p>
      <p>"You don't need my permission, Rafa, of course you can."</p>
      <p>He nodded and slipped away, quickly changing out of his suit before he walked through and carefully opened Noah's bedroom door. The room was dark and quiet, but he made his way over to his bed, smiled and then leaned to kiss the little boy's forehead softly before noiselessly stepping away.</p>
      <p>"When we make our own hours we can try to get home early every night," Barba stated as he walked back through.</p>
      <p>"Already skiving?" Olivia smiled broadly.</p>
      <p>"Not a day in my life," Barba objected with mock offence.</p>
      <p>"You, me and Noah - everything else comes second," Olivia assured as she passed Barba a plate. "Speaking of which, I was having an extremely interesting conversation with Joan Westonburg today."</p>
      <p>"The senator's wife?" Barba asked and then sipped his wine.</p>
      <p>"<em>And </em>world-class heart surgeon," Olivia supplemented with a smirk.</p>
      <p>Barba tilted his head and smiled in recognition. "Of course. So…?"</p>
      <p>"Well, Joan told me about an elderly aunt who is the trustee of her sister's legacy, apparently she is looking to invest this money in a worthy project…" Olivia began.</p>
      <p>Barba raised his eyebrows.</p>
      <p>"The subject came up because she asked after you and then somehow guessed about our relationship..." Olivia smiled a little reluctantly, "…it seems I <em>glow</em> when I talk about you."</p>
      <p>Barba couldn't help but smile a little proudly but then simply nodded for her to continue.</p>
      <p>"So, I ultimately mentioned our plans…such as they are at the moment…and it seems that Joan's aunt would be especially interested in using this money to support survivors of abuse. She has even expressed admiration for our work in the past," Olivia explained.</p>
      <p>"Really?" Barba nodded. "How much are we talking about here?"</p>
      <p>"A little over sixty <em>million</em> dollars," Olivia smiled and raised her eyebrows.</p>
      <p>He looked at her and his jaw fell open, "Seriously?"</p>
      <p>"With that level of funding…" Olivia started.</p>
      <p>Barba ate a mouthful of food, then hummed appreciatively and smiled before he continued. "We could make real changes, Liv, support survivors, impact policy…" he agreed.</p>
      <p>"Exactly," Olivia matched his growing enthusiasm, "…and with that sort of money we would be sure to attract further investment once we were set up."</p>
      <p>"So you're thinking about a foundation?" Barba confirmed.</p>
      <p>"It would be a long road, we're nowhere near that funding yet, but it is a thought…" Olivia smiled at him.</p>
      <p>"It is…" He nodded.</p>
      <p>"And we would be directors, we could hire staff…control our own hours," Olivia added.</p>
      <p>"You really like this idea, don't you?" Barba knew that Olivia was adjusting to the idea of leaving SVU, but right now she seemed positively excited at the thought.</p>
      <p>"I…" She paused in reflection for a moment and then nodded. "You know Dodds once advised me to remember my position within the system? He was right, I'm a cop…it's not part of my role to reform policy. But I've been doing my job for a long time and maybe now it's time to take what I've learned and see if<em> we </em>can address those changes together."</p>
      <p>"We are a pretty unstoppable team," Barba smiled.</p>
      <p>"We could go after those rape kits, address policy, look at campaigning on issues…and maybe even develop a programme that supports victims and their advocates," Olivia suggested animatedly.</p>
      <p>"So…?" Barba invited her to expand her thoughts, he could tell something was on her mind.</p>
      <p>"Let's start by doing the groundwork? Really do our homework…and…" Olivia paused.</p>
      <p>He waited and when she didn't continue Barba prompted, "What are you thinking?"</p>
      <p>"How would you feel about me turning in my papers?" Olivia asked a little tentatively.</p>
      <p>"Are you serious?" Barba was beyond shocked at this, they had talked about Olivia leaving but their conversations had never gone this far.</p>
      <p>"I'm not expecting you to carry this, I have some money and my pension…" Olivia continued quickly.</p>
      <p>"Liv, this is not about the money," he cut in firmly, "…we're going to be a family, mi amor, as far as I'm concerned what is mine is yours, yours and Noah's. I just mean, are you sure this is what <em>you</em> want?"</p>
      <p>"When I submitted the disclosure forms the reaction was…chilly. Dodds was happy for us personally, but I can't see that we're going to be able to work together again. At least not as far as the NYPD is concerned. If this joint venture is going to work one of us is going to have to take the plunge first, Rafa, and we both know that my contacts within the sector are more useful."</p>
      <p>Barba smirked, "All work and no play makes Barba a very dull boy..."</p>
      <p>"I know you're well connected, sweetheart, but I think those contacts would serve us better at later stages. Raising money and public profile...yielding power and influence."</p>
      <p>He tilted his head and nodded, that was the first time she'd called him 'sweetheart' in such a casual exchange and he felt his heart react. "Sure..." he replied with ostensible calm.</p>
      <p>"First we need to work within the system to find out where we are needed, what gaps need to be filled. I understand some of those factors, as do you, but to do the groundwork we need to cast a wider net." Barba nodded in agreement and Olivia smiled. "So, we could take our trip with Noah and when we get back I could move my focus onto this full-time. With me gone you could even stay on with SVU…at least until we're ready to roll on whatever we decide is our next step. I know that would make the transition easier for Fin as well, knowing that he has you at his back."</p>
      <p>Barba arched an eyebrow.</p>
      <p>"They love you, sweetheart...but even more important in that job, they trust you. Implicitly. I don't think I can begin to explain how much easier that makes what we do every day. Just having you there at the end of the phone, having our back, trusting our word," She assured.</p>
      <p>He smiled gratefully, "You know, I love when you call me sweetheart, it so...intimate."</p>
      <p>Olivia hadn't even noticed what she had said but smiled broadly and reached over to link their fingers. "Intimate? I love that..." She looked at him unwaveringly and finally added, "I'm ready for a fresh start with you, <em>sweetheart."</em></p>
      <p>"You've really thought about this, haven't you?" Barba smiled and sipped his drink.</p>
      <p>Olivia tilted her head a little and waited.</p>
      <p>"I think we have a deal, Lieutenant," he smiled, "…if you're certain?"</p>
      <p>"I'm stepping out of my comfort zone, but I'm feeling brave right now…" she smiled at him and her eyes glowed. "You're not just saying this because you think it's what I want?" Olivia checked.</p>
      <p>"I want you to be happy," Barba conceded, "…but I like this vision of our future."</p>
      <p>"And Noah's," Olivia added with a smile.</p>
      <p>Barba nodded his head in a silent 'of course'. "There is one issue I'd like to table, it's kind of a deal-breaker," Barba added resolutely, but there was a smile in his eyes.</p>
      <p>"Oh reeeeally?" Olivia grinned.</p>
      <p>Barba hummed, "The bed."</p>
      <p>She laughed and arched an eyebrow, "You don't like my bed?"</p>
      <p>"Oh, mi amor, I love your bed…your bed is amazing," Barba smirked. "However, <em>my</em> bed is so much bigger…"</p>
      <p>"You want more…space?" Olivia teased.</p>
      <p>"God, no…" he replied quickly, "…but I do want my bed."</p>
      <p>She laughed, "You want your bed?"</p>
      <p>"I want my bed," Barba repeated directly with a smirk.</p>
      <p>"Your bed, with your bedding…your sheets?" She smiled a little and bit her lip, "…I think I like that idea."</p>
      <p>"We could always buy new sheets," Barba laughed, completely missing her point.</p>
      <p>"Sure, eventually…but right now sleeping in a cocoon of <em>you</em> is what's really winning me over on the idea, so don't neglect your USP."</p>
      <p>Barba laughed softly and shrugged.</p>
      <p>"Suggestion?" Olivia asked. "Let's take a few weeks? Look at our options? We haven't completely settled on staying here and this 'deal-breaking' bed doesn't need to be moved all over New York," Olivia pointed out.</p>
      <p>"You know nothing is really a deal-breaker, right? My job, my place, everything else is all secondary now…as long as you two are happy," Barba assured unnecessarily.</p>
      <p>Olivia smiled, "You know what would make me happy right now?"</p>
      <p>Barba raised an eyebrow.</p>
      <p>"On Friday evening Amanda said she would take Noah for a sleepover…" She grinned eagerly.</p>
      <p>"Oh, that<em> is </em>interesting. Would you like me to take you out on our first official date?"</p>
      <p>"Maybe…" Olivia bit the corner of her lip, "…or we could make the most of our first whole evening <em>and</em> night all alone."</p>
      <p>"Well, there is that…" Barba laughed softly. "Although, I do have an idea. I haven't been back to my apartment yet and I had a call last week to let me know that it was ready."</p>
      <p>Olivia blinked, "Oh, of course! I hadn't even thought about that…"</p>
      <p>"So maybe we could have dinner somewhere and go back to mine?" Barba suggested. "At some point, we're going to have to tackle the fact that we still have two places."</p>
      <p>"So…?" Olivia asked.</p>
      <p>"So…dinner? Then back to mine and I can show you the benefits of that extra-large bed…" He teased. "Then the next day we could take a little time to do an inventory, consider what can be sold and what needs to go into storage."</p>
      <p>"We don't need to sell your things," Olivia protested automatically.</p>
      <p>"We're blending two homes," Barba pointed out. "We do not need two master beds," he smiled, "...or two sets of lounge furniture, or two coffee machines. We can make choices together."</p>
      <p>"I can already tell you we're keeping your coffee machine and I haven't even seen it yet," she teased happily. "How do you feel about going back?"</p>
      <p>"Fine," he replied honestly, "…I'm not concerned about returning, that place barely feels like home anymore but it really wasn't the source of any issues." He linked their fingers more firmly and then leaned in to press his smiling lips just under her ear. "So, will you let me take you out?"</p>
      <p>His voice vibrated against her throat and Olivia shuddered a little. "That sounds great," she replied with genuine enthusiasm.</p>
      <p>"Do you know how amazing it feels that I can ask you out now and be pretty confident that you'll say yes?" Barba smiled wryly.</p>
      <p>Olivia laughed, "Well, spending time together is a hell of a lot easier now that we can <em>both </em>come home to Noah at the end of the day."</p>
      <p>Barba looked at her silently for a few moments, his perception of all those 'rain-checked' offers to go for a drink shifting in his head. A soft smile spread over his face, a smile that she was quickly beginning to realize was hers and hers alone. "You're so beautiful…" he said softly.</p>
      <p>"Mi guapo…" Olivia replied affectionately with a look of love in her eyes that would have astounded him just a few short weeks ago.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>Olivia pushed opened the restaurant door and was greeted with a smile by a girl standing at a nearby podium.</p>
      <p>"Table for Barba? I believe he's already here…?" Olivia smiled politely and scanned the room.</p>
      <p>"Yes…" The young girl nodded to the corner and Barba stood as he caught her eye.</p>
      <p>"Thank you," Olivia nodded and walked quickly toward him.</p>
      <p>"Hey," Olivia said and leaned in for a kiss.</p>
      <p>As they both moved to sit and she slipped off her jacket Barba's eyes scanned her simple, body-fitting, wine-colored dress appreciatively. It rested softly just above her knees and looked as though it could have been made for her.</p>
      <p>She gazed at him for a few moments and then eventually broke the silence. "Speechless, ADA Barba?"</p>
      <p>He smiled, "Lately? Regularly…but then you are always beautiful."</p>
      <p>Olivia reached over to wordlessly link their fingers lightly across the table. "How was your day?" She asked and took a sip of her wine.</p>
      <p>"Good," he nodded. "Yours?"</p>
      <p>"Well, I did it…" She grinned and took a deep breath, waiting for his reaction.</p>
      <p>"You…? Wait you <em>did</em> it?" He checked, clearly stunned.</p>
      <p>"Mmmmm…" She smiled, "I wanted tonight to mark the start of our new beginning."</p>
      <p>"What did they say? I mean, I assume that you spoke to the squad as well?"</p>
      <p>"I did," she laughed softly, "…of course, they blamed you entirely, but when I told them that I'm happier than I even imagined that I could be, they decided to forgive you."</p>
      <p>He smirked.</p>
      <p>"You're looking sharp," she added, regarding his grey suit and striped dark-red tie affectionately, they were almost matching. "You know I think that's one of my favourite suits?"</p>
      <p>"I try to notice these things," he smiled and preened a little.</p>
      <p>"For a man who loves his suits you always seem to be in such a hurry to get out of them," she observed with a smile.</p>
      <p>"You inspire me," he joked teasingly.</p>
      <p>"I'm serious, once hidden in your office it's always jacket off, tie removed, sleeves rolled up…" She tilted her head a little with intrigue.</p>
      <p>"Well," he paused and thought, "…they're not the height of comfort. I first slipped one on when I was just a kid at law school, I guess it stopped me questioning whether I belonged...or deflected others from wondering the same thing."</p>
      <p>"Do you still feel that way?" Olivia asked with concern.</p>
      <p>"No…" he smiled, "…I've earned my place and proved my worth countless times over. I <em>know</em> I'm good."</p>
      <p>Olivia smiled at the sparkle in his eyes, "Better than good, you're the best."</p>
      <p>Barba laughed softly, his eyes filled with warmth and appreciation. "The suits are familiar and I do like them, but I guess to some extent they are an armor. They are costume that I wear for work, for the role that I play." He smiled, shrugged a little and then sipped his drink. "As do you. You take your shoes off as soon as you get home, in the office sometimes as well…"</p>
      <p>"Only late at night and usually only with you…" Olivia added.</p>
      <p>"Why is that?" He asked.</p>
      <p>"Even before…" she smiled and he nodded, "…I felt like myself with you. No expectations, no games, no <em>role</em> to play. I think my guard dropped quicker than even I had realised. Although, I'm yet to go so far as to slip off my bra as soon as I get home..." She joked lightly her voice barely above a whisper now.</p>
      <p>Barba looked at her heatedly, "Please, feel free."</p>
      <p>"You know what I mean, it's still early days, I want to look…good…" she had lowered her voice even further now and actually flushed a little.</p>
      <p>"You always look amazing," he assured. "There is nothing sexier than knowing that your guard is completely down…that you trust me."</p>
      <p>"You know I do, Rafa, with my life...and with the life of our son," Olivia assured.</p>
      <p>"Our son..." Barba repeated softly, still overwhelmed that she loved and trusted him enough to give him that.</p>
      <p>"Noah adores you," Olivia assured. "Now let's order, I'm looking forward to our meal but I feel that the second part of our evening is going to be the highlight."</p>
      <p>"You want to go dancing?" He teased as he raised his hand to signal the waiter.</p>
      <p>"Hell, no…" Olivia smiled. "I want you to myself as soon as possible, I've only agreed to food because I expect you to be well-fuelled." She looked up to find a young man smiling at her with dancing eyes.</p>
      <p>"Your order?" He asked smoothly.</p>
      <p>They placed their orders and then just as he was about to walk away he looked back and smiled at Olivia. "I'll have the chef but a rush on that, ma'am," he said with a grin and then hurried away.</p>
      <p>Olivia laughed and smiled at Barba.</p>
      <p>"I can't take you anywhere," he teased.</p>
      <p>She flushed a little and sipped her wine, then looked over the top of her glass and retorted, "On the contrary, mi amor, you can take me anywhere."</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>"I can't believe I've never been here before," Olivia looked up at his building as they approached the main entrance.</p>
      <p>A porter stepped forward and smiled at Barba as he held open the door. "Good evening, Mr Barba, I haven't seen you since before our little drama the other week."</p>
      <p>The older man walked with them through the lobby in a manner that led Olivia to assume that the two had a friendly rapport. Barba smiled and nodded as he pressed the button to call the elevator. "No, Patrick, I've been staying with my friend for a while."</p>
      <p>Patrick glanced down, noticed their joined hands and then nodded happily. "Well, as you hadn't been around for a couple of weeks I took the liberty of going up on Wednesday and opening a few windows. There was no lasting damage, sir, not even the smoke. Everything is aired ready for…" he smiled at Olivia, "your return. The building also arranged for a service to come in to clean and change the linen and drapes - so I made sure that they had access. I hope you don't mind?"</p>
      <p>Barba smiled gratefully and shook his head, he hadn't even thought to do that, especially as he was bringing Olivia home with him. He reached into his pocket for some money and Patrick rushed to stop him.</p>
      <p>"Oh no, Mr Barba, after all the help you gave me looking after that mess last year it was the least I could do. I was concerned for you is all, but I'm happy to see that you were being looked after," he smiled at Olivia.</p>
      <p>She held out her hand and Patrick looked momentarily surprised before he reached out and took it.</p>
      <p>"Olivia Benson, it's nice to meet you…Patrick?" She introduced herself genially as the elevator doors opened.</p>
      <p>"Yes, ma'am, and it's a pleasure to meet you too," he looked to Barba warmly, "…you've got a beautiful lady here, sir, and smart too...I can tell."</p>
      <p>"Oh, I know, Patrick. Olivia and I are going to be married," Barba told him proudly as he held open the door and nodded for Olivia to enter.</p>
      <p>"Oh, sir, that's wonderful news," Patrick smiled and nodded, reaching out to shake his hand firmly.</p>
      <p>"Goodnight, Patrick," Barba replied cordially as the door closed. He looked at Olivia and rolled his eyes, "How many years have I lived here? I still can't move him passed 'Mr Barba' or 'sir' - he claims that it would be more than his job is worth."</p>
      <p>Olivia laughed and leaned against him, resting her arms at his waist while they ascended.</p>
      <p>"His granddaughter had some legal problems last year and I helped them out a little, but he still wouldn't budge on the issue," he kissed Olivia's temple and they rocked easily in each other's arms.</p>
      <p>"You're a good man, Rafael Barba…but I've always known that..." Olivia observed warmly and then looked up as the doors opened.</p>
      <p>"Our floor," Barba announced needlessly, then led her out and down the hallway. He opened up and they walked inside.</p>
      <p>Olivia tilted her head, silently asking if she could have a look around.</p>
      <p>Barba laughed and nodded, "Of course, can I get you a drink?"</p>
      <p>"Please…" She smiled and then walked into the apartment as Barba quickly turned on the lights.</p>
      <p>The space was more homely than she had expected, with lots of wood and rich natural colors. Olivia looked across a row of floor to ceiling oak bookshelves along the far wall and noticed a few pictures, including a framed photograph of her and Noah.</p>
      <p>Barba walked over to pass her a drink and she nodded at the picture.</p>
      <p>"The Christmas party last year," he admitted a little awkwardly and shrugged. "Someone in the office had a few snaps printed and I…well, it was nice to bring you both into my home. I'm going to be honest though, I might have 'liberated' it without explicit permission."</p>
      <p>Olivia rested her hand on his chest and leaned in to kiss him - genuinely touched by his admission.</p>
      <p>"How was I meant to explain that I really wanted a picture of my colleague and her son without raising questions?" His mouth turned up into a very kissable half-smile.</p>
      <p>She laughed softly and nodded, "Well, it's even nicer to be here in person."</p>
      <p>After sharing a moment together she moved and walked toward a small hallway. Opening doors Olivia found three surprisingly decent sized rooms, including a large master bedroom (with a temptingly large bed and ensuite) and a family bathroom.</p>
      <p>"Rafa…" Olivia said speculatively as she walked back through to him in the living area several minutes later. "I know that we don't know what our next steps will be and we've even discussed the possibility of moving out of the city eventually…"</p>
      <p>She paused and Barba smiled at the memory of Olivia being tempted by the idea of moving out of the city, especially if she had someone to share that journey with. At the time he'd longed to be that person - but never even dreamed that he could be so fortunate.</p>
      <p>"But, considering all of that…" she continued, "…I really like this place."</p>
      <p>He double-took, clearly surprised.</p>
      <p>"We need to find a solution that works for both of us, this place is bigger, it has three rooms and that lovely big bed looks very at home in there…" She smiled and stepped up, now stroking both of her hands down his chest, playing with his tie and plucking lightly at the little buttons on his shirt as she went.</p>
      <p>"I had assumed you would want to stay at yours, at least for now?" Barba asked, sounding as shocked as he felt.</p>
      <p>Olivia shrugged, "It's become our home, but we need to be practical…" He went to speak but Olivia cut him off with a finger on his lips. "It became our 'home' because that is where Noah and I live…but now our home will also be wherever you are. This place is bigger, more practical and it has better security. When I first moved into my apartment it was intended as a new place for Brian and me, then it became a home for me and Noah…now we're both ready for a fresh start with you."</p>
      <p>"I hadn't even considered us all moving in here." Barba looked around and smiled a little, imagining Noah's lego in one corner and their things lying around. His home was always comfortable, but this vision felt welcoming and warm.</p>
      <p>"We could easily fit a second desk into your office…" Olivia smiled, "…if you don't mind sharing? Noah could have that room on the right, we could decorate and…" She paused and grinned, "Sorry, am I getting carried away?"</p>
      <p>Barba shook his head quickly and stepped closer, his hands dropping to her hips. "It all sounds amazing," he assured, "…and I love the thought of sharing a home office with you."</p>
      <p>"So you'll think about it?" Olivia suggested.</p>
      <p>"I don't need to," he replied easily, "…the only essentials I require are you and Noah. I'll be happy wherever you are," he smiled and tilted his head a little to lean in and kiss her.</p>
      <p>Olivia walked him backwards toward his bedroom. "All locked up?" She asked as she pushed his suit jacket down his arms before tossing it to the floor nearby.</p>
      <p>He glanced at the jacket as they continued their journey. "All locked up," he confirmed.</p>
      <p>"Worried about your jacket?" She smiled with amusement.</p>
      <p>"I could not care less about the jacket, just…" he started.</p>
      <p>"Leave it, I'm busy." She kissed him and began loosening his tie, then tackling his shirt as she pushed open the door and they walked inside. She had already flicked on the low bedside lighting and Barba smiled as she walked passed him and sat on the end of the bed with her legs out and arms stretched back.</p>
      <p>"Maybe I was distracted earlier," he looked her over heatedly, "…but I meant to say, you look breathtaking this evening."</p>
      <p>"I bought it especially…" She smiled and then watched as Barba moved to sit behind her on the bed and kiss along the soft bare skin either side of her thin shoulder straps.</p>
      <p>"You're perfect," he murmured and closed his eyes as he nuzzled behind her hair and kissed her neck, breathing in deeply before nipping lightly at her ear.</p>
      <p>"You know I insisted that we skip dessert?" Olivia asked softly as she tilted her neck to encourage the journey of his lips.</p>
      <p>"I still haven't decided whether I forgive you for that," he teased with a smile, "…but I concede the benefits of skipping to this part of the evening."</p>
      <p>"Well, when I dropped off Noah on the way to meet you Amanda gave me a little something…" she spoke softly with humor in her voice.</p>
      <p>"I know you don't have pistachio cannoli hidden in your bag," he smiled and grazed over her collarbone with his teeth.</p>
      <p>Olivia laughed, then bent to get her purse and revealed their gift with a little flourish. "How concerned are you about these extremely expensive sheets?"</p>
      <p>Barba licked his lips and stared at the pot of very rich looking chocolate sauce.</p>
      <p>"Rafa?" Olivia asked with a smile when he didn't answer.</p>
      <p>"I've always adored Amanda Rollins," he declared hoarsely, his pupils dilating so his eyes looked almost entirely black.</p>
      <p>"Hey!" She protested teasingly. Then checked again with a smile, "The sheets?"</p>
      <p>"Chocolate-Coated Olivia Benson is my new favorite dessert, fuck the sheets," Barba laughed deeply and reached out for the pot.</p>
      <p>"I'd rather fuck you," Olivia retorted, causing a low and almost predatory groan to emanate from his chest.</p>
      <p>"Dios Mio," Barba murmured and began to slip the zipper down the back of Olivia's dress.</p>
      <p>She shuddered at the vibrating bass in his voice and the trail of his fingers down her back as her dress parted. "Rafa…" Olivia groaned and leaned back toward him.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>Olivia walked out towel drying her hair a couple of hours later and found Barba quickly finishing changing the sheets.</p>
      <p>He looked up at her with a glint in his eyes. "You still look edible," he observed as his eyes scanned her.</p>
      <p>"As do you," she smiled and looked him over as well. He was dressed in casual sweats and a t-shirt, not a look that she had associated with Rafael Barba in the early days, but already so familiar that she felt tears spring to her eyes.</p>
      <p>"Hey, what's wrong?" He asked quickly and stepped up in front of her. He placed his hands on her hips and tilted his head a little in order to look into her eyes.</p>
      <p>Olivia smiled and shook her head. "Happy tears," she assured and leaned in to kiss him.</p>
      <p>"We did take our time getting here," Barba smiled into the kiss and slipped his arms around her.</p>
      <p>"No…" she corrected and he looked at her with a little surprise. "I mean, we <em>really</em> did," she added with a grin, "…but even before I found you I took my time. Dealing with my past, figuring out what I needed. It's been a long journey," she clarified and brought her hand to his face, "…to finally allowing myself to find this, with you."</p>
      <p>Barba smiled curiously and tilted his head, instinctively understanding something he could not entirely explain. "I hope it was worth the trip…?" He half-joked, but she could feel the weight of his words.</p>
      <p>Olivia laughed and at that moment he knew that he had never seen her look this happy or at peace. "God, yes…it was definitely worth the trip," she assured happily.</p>
      <p>"Good," he nodded and stepped away. He reached to pick up the jacket he had collected from the hallway while she was finishing off in the bathroom.</p>
      <p>"Oh, you saved it from the floor…" Olivia laughed a little as she wiped happy tears from her cheeks.</p>
      <p>"I told you," his eyes were dancing with love and humor, "…I wasn't worried about the jacket." He reached in and revealed a small burgundy box from an inside pocket. "I feel like the last time was a little…spur of the moment." He started slowly and Olivia gasped and covered her mouth when he dropped to one knee in front of her. "This is my Abuelita's ring. It's been in my family for four generations and," he held out the ring and looked at her resolutely, "…I expected to be a little more formally dress for this, but…Olivia Benson, would you make be the happiest man in the world and do me the honor of becoming my wife?"</p>
      <p>Olivia smiled with delight and dropped to her knees in front of him as her arms wrapped around his neck.</p>
      <p>"I assume that's a yes?" He asked as he embraced her.</p>
      <p>"Of course it's a <em>yes!"</em> She laughed. "I already said yes!"</p>
      <p>"I know…" he smiled and moved back a little to look into her eyes, "…but I wanted to do this properly, with the ring…the suit was a failure though."</p>
      <p>"I can't even begin to tell you how perfect the sweats are," Olivia said cryptically and Barba smiled in bemusement. She looked down at the ring box still hanging from his fingers. "So, can I try that on?"</p>
      <p>He smiled, "It's <em>your </em>ring, Liv."</p>
      <p>Olivia reached for the box, took out the ring and slipped it on.</p>
      <p>"I got it sized," Barba smiled, looking at the ring on her finger happily, "…but if you need it adjusting…"</p>
      <p>Her arms wrapped around him again, "It's a perfect fit, sweetheart."</p>
      <p> </p>
      <p>
        <em>TBC...</em>
      </p>
      <p> </p>
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<a name="section0014"><h2>14. New Beginnings</h2></a>
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      <p>Olivia walked through carrying a warm drink and placed it on the table next to Barba as he simultaneously scanned over some papers and looked through a book.</p>
      <p>"Rafa," she said softly, "…it's gone 10."</p>
      <p>Barba hummed distractedly and Olivia rested her forearms on his shoulders from behind then leaned down to kiss the side of his head.</p>
      <p>"I have two major cases starting soon and I'm trying to get on top of them before we leave," Barba replied a little tersely.</p>
      <p>Olivia smiled tolerantly, "We don't leave until Sunday afternoon, so if you really need to do more those cases will still be waiting for you tomorrow after you've had a good nights sleep."</p>
      <p>He took a long deep breath in through his nose.</p>
      <p>"You know Lindstrom keeps reminding you how important it is to sleep well and unwind properly in the lead up to going to bed," she pointed out and ran her lips down Barba's neck slowly until she reached the crook of his neck.</p>
      <p>He smiled reluctantly and rolled his eyes.</p>
      <p>"Also…" she added with a grin and reached one hand around to stroke over his chest, "I've been thinking about going for a shower and I could get terribly lonely in there all on my own..."</p>
      <p>He smirked and closed his eyes as her tongue flicked out along his collarbone. "You're disastrous for my work ethic," he smiled and closed the heavy book before leaning back on his chair toward her.</p>
      <p>Olivia grinned and breathed him in. "Have I mentioned lately that you smell absolutely edible?" She teased as she slipped open one button on his shirt and tucked her hand inside. She was increasingly surprised by the fact that her hunger for him was only multiplying since they'd been together. "Better than chocolate," she added as a nail grazed over one of his nipples and caused him to vibrate.</p>
      <p>He laughed and reached a hand back to stroke into her hair as he turned and kissed her eagerly. "You <em>taste</em> like chocolate," he observed, already sounding more relaxed and switched off from work.</p>
      <p>She grinned and nodded at the drink. "I might have had a sip..." she admitted as she perched next to him on the table.</p>
      <p>Barba picked up his hot chocolate, leaning back on his chair and looking at her with a satisfied smile as he drank. "I'm putting all of this away until after our trip," he announced decisively after several moments and looked over his work.</p>
      <p>"Who are you and what have you done with <em>my</em> ADA?" Olivia teased.</p>
      <p>"As of tomorrow I won't be your ADA anymore," he pointed out with a little sadness filtering into his smile, "…but I'll always be yours."</p>
      <p>Her eyes sparkled happily, "Well, that's all that matters then."</p>
      <p>"I promised Noah that we could try out our new tent in the living area tomorrow, we also need to finish the carousel before the move, and then we have your leaving drinks in the evening," he explained.<em> "Priorities,"</em> he added with a smile and Olivia nodded.</p>
      <p>She knew that he was well-prepared for the cases already, he just needed to get into the habit of allowing himself to turn off.</p>
      <p>"Do you need another half-hour?" She offered.</p>
      <p>He shook his head, "When you're tempting me into the shower? I think not. Help me put this all away? I have more crucial tasks at hand…"</p>
      <p>She smiled and tilted her head as they began to close books and files.</p>
      <p>"Shampoo, conditioner, other fun shower-based activities…" he explained and Olivia looked up at him, their eyes clashing heatedly.</p>
      <p>"I approve of your new priorities," Olivia joked as she slipped his files into a briefcase that was currently resting on a pile of boxes in the corner. "We need to <em>prioritize</em> all this when we get home as well," she added, "…we'll have three days before your return to work and I want us moved into yours by then. All the boxes are…making me anxious."</p>
      <p>He smiled and walked over, wrapping his arms around her from behind and kissing along her shoulders and neck. "Into <em>ours…"</em> he corrected.</p>
      <p>She laughed softly and leaned back against him.<em> "Ours,"</em> she agreed, that still sounded wonderful.</p>
      <p>He rocked them a little, "You're my own unique form of therapy, you know? Lindstrom told us that I need a routine at bedtime, that I need to relax…and here you are, making me turn off from work, bringing me hot chocolate, suggesting a warm pre-bed shower…"</p>
      <p>"I'm not being entirely selfless here," Olivia laughed softly, "...you know orgasms can also aid a night's peaceful sleep?" She teased and leaned back, already feeling him react against her body.</p>
      <p>"Mmmmmmm…" he hummed against her skin, "…so can falling asleep in your arms."</p>
      <p>She smiled, "I've only had to wake you from the start of a nightmare twice this week, you're doing so well, Rafa."</p>
      <p>Since sleeping together every night they had found that neither needed or wanted space to sleep. After years of mutual longing, they both took comfort in the presence of each other and usually fell asleep in one of two positions - either with Olivia curled into his side or with Barba spooned up behind her.</p>
      <p>Olivia had also discovered that she was hyper-sensitive to her lover's anxiety, without fail she had woken during the night if his body had tensed or the early stirrings of a nightmare had begun. Then she would follow Lindstrom's advice - waking him gently, explaining to him softly that he was having a nightmare and then calming him as he returned to a peaceful sleep in her soothing embrace. Barba rarely remembered it had happened the following morning, but standing by her promise she always told him the next day, repeatedly reassuring him that she didn't mind being woken for a few minutes, that it was an insignificant price to pay for sleeping in his arms...and that the few extra minutes she had to appreciate that were never wasted.</p>
      <p>She turned to face him now and ran her hand down the side of his face, suddenly feeling overwhelmed by how much she loved him. "My gorgeous man…" she whispered adoringly.</p>
      <p>"'Livia…" he replied, his eyes welling with tears.</p>
      <p><em>"Someone </em>promised me fun shower-based activities," she teased, not wanting to break their playful mood.</p>
      <p>He smiled and kissed her. "Let's go," he implored and took her hand on the way through to the bathroom. "One great thing about our new place, we have our own huge bathroom and it has a lock…" he looked back at her and waggled his eyebrows.</p>
      <p>"You know what would be nice…" Olivia suggested as she began to remove her clothes, "…a large whirlpool bath." She grinned and slipped off her pants, tossing them to one side.</p>
      <p>Barba stepped closer and put his hands on her hips, "I love the way you think."</p>
      <p>"I want to spend hours laying in your arms, Rafael Barba. In a whirlpool bath, in that stupidly large bed, on the couch watching movies with our kid. I'm talking about at <em>least</em> 30% of the rest of my life with your arms wrapped around me." She slipped off his shirt and then quickly disposed of their underwear before stepping under the warm water.</p>
      <p>"Maybe we could also consider one of those walk-in steam showers?" Barba added and wrapped his arms around her from behind, stroking his hands up her arms and then over her body as the heat surrounded them.</p>
      <p>"With…" she gasped and smiled when she felt his length push between her ass cheeks, "…Oh, God… The ones with seating?"</p>
      <p>"Mmmmm…" he hummed and brought his hand up to cover her breasts, "…imagine the possibilities…"</p>
      <p>Olivia grinned and turned to face him, "I'm so glad that I love you…" Her hand wrapped around his cock and stroked slowly as she leaned in to kiss him.</p>
      <p>"Feeling is mutual," he laughed softly against her lips and then ran his hand down to lift her thigh as they reached the wall.</p>
      <p>They fell into a slow exploring kiss, pulling back a little to smile at each other briefly before he gripped himself and firmly drove home.</p>
      <p>"'Livia…" he moaned his face dropping to her shoulder as he pulled back a little and then began a short but steady momentum.</p>
      <p>"Mmm…that's really good," Olivia smiled. "Wait, wait…" she pushed him back and groaned as he slipped from her body. Then she turned around, bending a little at her hips and looking back at him expectantly as he stepped up. She watched him stroke himself twice before lining up and filling her again. "Jesus…" she growled and arched her back, sticking out her ass.</p>
      <p>Now already reaching his peak Barba leaned forward, thrusting quickly as he reached around to circle her clit.</p>
      <p>"God, baby, perfect," Olivia arched back toward him and pushed her breasts up against the cool ceramic wall. Her nipples caught on the tiling and she gasped, feeling herself reach her peak with a breathless growl that echoed around the small chamber.</p>
      <p>Barba held onto her hips fiercely and after several more powerful thrusts, he came with a guttural groan against her back.</p>
      <p>After a few moments trying to catch their breaths, Barba pulled out and Olivia turned, leaning back against the wall and wrapping her arms around him as they kissed languidly. Their hands searched each other's bodies, almost wanting to remain in their warm cosy bubble forever.</p>
      <p>Finally, Barba pulled back a little and smiled at her. "Can I wash your hair?" He requested.</p>
      <p>"Sure…" Then Olivia reached over, handed him a bottle and turned her back to him. "Why do you love this so much, Rafa?"</p>
      <p>"Your hair is perfection," he smiled and kissed her shoulder as he began to run the soap through her locks. "Also…it's so intimate. I've had shower sex before…" he paused and then added, "…not like this, of course, nothing has ever been this good. But washing your hair, that is <em>so</em> much more…"</p>
      <p>She felt her whole body react to his words and his fingers as they firmly massaged her scalp. "Well, you're very talented," she moaned happily.</p>
      <p>He reached for the shower-head to rinse her hair. "I'll be washing your hair when you're 85, mi amor..." he smiled and carefully reached for the conditioner.</p>
      <p>"95?" She suggested as she turned to face him, tilting her face back under the water flow.</p>
      <p>"I seem to remember you mentioning something about 105?" He kissed her teasingly.</p>
      <p>"Perfect," she agreed brightly, "but by then we might <em>need</em> that shower seat".</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>Olivia quickly dried her hair and then walked through to find Barba lying in bed with his laptop.</p>
      <p>"Hey, we said no more work until after our holiday!" She challenged lightly.</p>
      <p>Barba looked up to see her drop her towel and then climb into their bed naked. He chuckled softly, closing and putting the computer to one side, then rushing to slip off his boxers and kick them out of bed before opening his arms and welcoming her into his warm embrace.</p>
      <p>"Not work," he assured as he nuzzled into her and felt his muscles completely unwind. "We were watching a couple of songs from Cats on YouTube yesterday and Noah was mesmerised by the dancers, I wanted to talk to you about looking into some dance classes for him. He just about hit the ceiling with excitement when I told him that it was possible."</p>
      <p>Olivia pulled back and looked at him, a smile slowly spreading across her face and into her eyes. "Dancing?"</p>
      <p>"What do you think?" Barba asked.</p>
      <p>"I love you…" she smiled and curled up under his chin, "…and I love everything that you bring out in Noah. I think watching you struggling but facing your fears has made him braver...and more adventurous."</p>
      <p>He was a little speechless, but after a moment he settled on, "So, that's a yes on the dance classes?"</p>
      <p>She laughed and slapped his arm teasingly, "That's a <em>hard</em> yes on the dance classes."</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>Noah ran through to the kitchen the next morning and found Barba cooking breakfast.</p>
      <p>"Daddy! Pancakes?" He gasped eagerly and held up his arms to be lifted onto the counter.</p>
      <p>"I need extra fuel, I have a very busy day…" Barba said with a smile.</p>
      <p>"You have to go to work?" Noah asked sadly.</p>
      <p>Barba shook his head, then turned to give Noah his full attention. "I made a promise, Mijo. I can't guarantee that I will never be called away when we make important plans together…but I can promise that nothing is more important to me than the plans I make with you and Mommy...so that will only ever happen if someone is really in trouble and needs my help."</p>
      <p>Noah smiled and nodded, "So today?"</p>
      <p>"I am <em>all</em> yours," he confirmed, "…and we have a very busy day. This morning we're going to practice our tent building skills with mommy and then this afternoon we're going to finish our big build."</p>
      <p>Noah laughed and reached out toward his daddy, resting his cheek on his chest happily. "Tonight we'll have story time?"</p>
      <p>Barba kissed his head, "Sorry, sweet boy, it's mommy's leaving work party tonight - so Lucy is coming over to hang out."</p>
      <p>Noah sat up and grinned, "Oh yes! I forgot! I can show her my carousel!"</p>
      <p>"You can," Barba smiled, happy that he wasn't disappointed. "So how does our day sound?"</p>
      <p>"The best," Noah replied happily and leapt down to the floor from the countertop. He spun around excitedly before running toward the living area. "Uncle Rafa…" he paused and laughed, "…I mean, Daddy! Can we have a pet?"</p>
      <p>"A pet?" Barba asked as he resumed their breakfast and placed a pan on the heat.</p>
      <p>"Like a doggy!" Barba suggested.</p>
      <p>"Dogs take a lot of time, Mijo," Barba said cautiously.</p>
      <p>"Oh…" Noah thought for a moment. "How about a kitty cat?" He proposed keenly.</p>
      <p>"A cat?" Barba smiled.</p>
      <p>"A cuddly kitty," Noah said excitedly, "…he wouldn't even need a bed of his own, he could share my bed…cats are really very small, Daddy. Sophie at school has a cat and he is about that big!" He held out his hands, demonstrating what Barba thought was either a remarkably small cat or, more likely, a kitten.</p>
      <p>"You know, they still take a lot of work?" Barba pointed out thoughtfully. He was not entirely against the idea though, he liked animals and now that they would be a three-person household it seemed more than practical.</p>
      <p>"What would take a lot of work?" Olivia asked as she walked through.</p>
      <p>"How do you feel about cats?" Barba asked.</p>
      <p>Olivia's mind rushed to catch up, especially after their conversation the night before. "You want to go see Cats?" She checked.</p>
      <p>Noah laughed, "We want to bring one home, Mommy!"</p>
      <p>Olivia looked at Barba nonplussed.</p>
      <p>"An actual cat, Liv," Barba laughed. "Noah wants a pet when we move into our new home. I know that the building allows them…what do you think?"</p>
      <p>Olivia smiled, she liked animals and understood the benefits of children having pets. She'd thought about it before, but her building wasn't keen on larger pets like cats and dogs. "A cat…?" She nodded thoughtfully, "I could get behind that idea…"</p>
      <p>"A kitty!" Noah gasped excitedly.</p>
      <p>"But we'd need to go to a shelter," Barba added. "There are lots of animals that are looking for a home and someone to love them…"</p>
      <p>"Homeless kitties?" Noah asked with concern. "Yes, we <em>really</em> need to help a homeless cat. Would I still be able to give him a name?"</p>
      <p>"Of course you can, Mijo. He would be part of our family…a…" Barba paused and looked at Olivia.</p>
      <p>"Milo Barba-Benson!" Noah announced excitedly.</p>
      <p>Olivia tilted her head and looked at Barba, then she crouched down and looked at Noah, "Baby, when Rafael and I get married…"</p>
      <p>"And he becomes my forever daddy!" Noah supplemented with a grin.</p>
      <p>"Yes, when Rafael officially becomes your daddy…would you like to change your name?" Olivia asked.</p>
      <p>"Change my name?" Noah asked looking a little concerned. "I think I like Noah."</p>
      <p>Olivia laughed softly, "No, I mean would you like to become a Barba? Noah Barba-Benson, like me and daddy."</p>
      <p>Noah grinned, "I would like that."</p>
      <p>"That doesn't mean that we would ever forget your birth-mommy," Olivia added. "Ellie will always be with us, but we would simply be making the choice to start a new family."</p>
      <p>"Together," Noah added happily.</p>
      <p>"Together," Olivia agreed.</p>
      <p>Barba watched the interaction and then walked to rest his hand on Olivia's shoulder as she stood.</p>
      <p>"So…" he lifted Noah into his arms, "…Milo?"</p>
      <p>Noah grinned and nodded. "Meeowlo Barba-Benson," he joked.</p>
      <p>Barba didn't think that he'd ever felt more proud.</p>
      <p>"Daddy?" Noah asked after a moment and Olivia smiled broadly, she still loved hearing that. "Can we go to see the dancing cats as well?"</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>Olivia was sat at the back of the room when Barba arrived at the bar and walked straight toward her.</p>
      <p>"The man responsible," Fin greeted him with a clap on his back as Barba edged around to Olivia and kissed her.</p>
      <p>"Lay off, sergeant," Olivia smirked at her friend and rested her arm around her lover. "I might be leaving but Rafael's going to be staying around for a while so you need to keep him onside."</p>
      <p>Fin laughed, nodded, then leaned over the bar. "Scotch, rocks, the good stuff," he ordered. He handed Barba the drink and it was received with a grateful nod.</p>
      <p>"Just treat her well, Barba," Fin added with a glint in his eyes.</p>
      <p>"You don't need to worry about that," Barba smiled and kissed Olivia's temple before taking a sip of his drink.</p>
      <p>"Noah okay?" Olivia checked in. She had left a little over an hour before Barba so that she wouldn't be late for her leaving drinks.</p>
      <p>"He's great, busy showing Lucy our carousel when I left," he assured.</p>
      <p>"Your carousel?" Carisi asked.</p>
      <p>"Rafa bought him a Lego carousel for his last birthday, it's been a labor of love for them both…" She smiled at Barba, who had become preoccupied with a conversation with Fin about a case. "He's wonderful with him."</p>
      <p>Carisi smiled affectionately, "He's a good guy."</p>
      <p>"The best," Olivia added, she briefly rested her head on his shoulder.</p>
      <p>Carisi was not the first person to notice that since their ADA had arrived at the bar his boss had physically relaxed, her smile had broadened and her slightly melancholy mood had completely lifted.</p>
      <p>The noise in the room quietened as Dodds stood, "So now that ADA Barba has arrived I think it's time for a few words!"</p>
      <p>Olivia smiled and rested her forehead briefly against Barba's shoulder before rallying her nerve and lifting her drink to her boss.</p>
      <p>"I've known you for a few years now Lieutenant Benson, and I have to tell you that you have been the most," he paused briefly and smiled, "infuriating…yet capable and prolific officer that I have had the pleasure of working with. Your dedication, your intelligence and your <em>heart</em> are unmatched in this city and I know that your loyal squad will miss you enormously." He paused briefly, "My son once told me that your true talent lay in being sincerely invested in people. You care, Olivia - about every victim and survivor you fight for and every single officer lucky enough to have served under your command."</p>
      <p>Olivia smiled at her boss a little tearfully and nodded appreciatively.</p>
      <p>"Now it is time for Olivia to move on, to start a well-earned new life with her son…and with her fiancé, our very own ADA Barba!" There were many cheers around the gathered assembly, Olivia recognised one of the voices and looked up to see Munch pushing through the crowd and arriving at the back of the room. She smiled at him and he nodded warmly.</p>
      <p>"We have all witnessed how wonderfully our lieutenant and the ADA work together..." there was a ripple of laughter through the room, "…and while we are sad to lose her I am personally very pleased to watch her leave under these happy circumstances. I wish you both many, many years of happiness," Dodds raised his glass.</p>
      <p>Cheers filtered through the bar and Olivia smiled as Barba linked their fingers.</p>
      <p>"Come on, boss!" Rollins encouraged loudly.</p>
      <p>Olivia laughed and held up her hand as the group quietened.</p>
      <p>"Thank you, everyone…" Olivia smiled. "As most of you will know, I've spent most of my adult life with this unit. I've worked up through the ranks, made unforgettable friends, built an unbreakable family…and ultimately fell in love," she smiled at Barba. "So now it is time to move on, not from you, but from this job. Family is family, that will never change. I'm looking forward to seeing what our future holds, this is simply a new beginning."</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>The following morning they had a few hours before they were due to leave for their camping trip, so Barba volunteered to jump into a cab with a few of the boxes and drop them off at their new home. A trip slightly hampered by Noah pleading to go with him and Barba being incapable of saying no.</p>
      <p>As they pulled up outside Barba saw that Patrick was working and breathed a sigh of relief. This was only the second time that Noah had visited his new home and last time Patrick had been off duty.</p>
      <p>The door opened and as soon as the older man saw who was in the cab he smiled broadly and walked over to the curb.</p>
      <p>"Can I help, sir?" He asked as he opened the door.</p>
      <p>"I'm bringing in some boxes, could you watch this little man for me while I take them through?" Barba nodded back and Patrick smiled when he noticed a small boy sitting behind the lawyer.</p>
      <p>"Well, who do we have here?" Patrick greeted him enthusiastically as Noah clambered out over the boxes and Barba became distracted as he rushed to move them all inside.</p>
      <p>"Noah!" Noah smiled and held out his hand, just as he'd watched his daddy do when he met people for the first time.</p>
      <p>Patrick laughed with surprise and affectionate amusement as he took his hand, "It's very nice to meet you, Noah, what brings you here today?"</p>
      <p>Noah grinned, "Me and Mommy are going to move in here with my Daddy," he explained excitedly, "…I'm getting a new bedroom, but some of my toys are having to move first."</p>
      <p>Genuinely shocked Patrick looked at Barba, who smiled at him and shrugged as he passed by with the final two boxes. "It's been a busy few weeks," Barba explained dryly.</p>
      <p>"So I can see, Mr Barba," Patrick laughed. "So you're going to be a new resident, are you?"</p>
      <p>Noah grinned proudly.</p>
      <p>"We don't have many children in this building so it will be very nice to welcome you, Noah. Where's your lovely mommy today?" Patrick asked as he walked Noah up to the entrance and held the door open for his new friend.</p>
      <p>Noah smiled when the man said something nice about his mommy and then said thank you for holding the door open for him. "Mommy is getting ready for our trip, we're going camping!"</p>
      <p>Barba had loaded the boxes into the elevator and now walked over to collect his ward. "We're going on vacation until the end of the week, we'll be back on Friday and we hope to be all moved in by Sunday." He explained and rested his hands on Noah's shoulders.</p>
      <p>Patrick smiled at the two men and nodded, "Is there anything I can do, Mr Barba?"</p>
      <p>"Actually there is…" Barba smiled down at Noah, "Can you keep a secret from Mommy for a few days? It's a surprise!"</p>
      <p>Noah grinned and nodded excitedly.</p>
      <p>"I have some workmen arriving on Wednesday, it's been cleared with the building and they have access but could you keep an eye on things for me?" Barba asked.</p>
      <p>"Of course, sir," Patrick smiled.</p>
      <p>"We're having a whirlpool bath fitted," Barba smiled down at Noah.</p>
      <p>"Bubbles?" Noah asked with a grin.</p>
      <p>"The bath is a present for Mommy," Barba smiled, "...but I promise to get you some extra special bubbles for your bath as well." He smiled at Patrick and rolled his eyes. "At some point next weekend we also need to try to transfer a Lego carousel without completely destroying it."</p>
      <p>Noah grinned, he'd already been well prepared for the process. "If it falls apart when we move, me and Daddy will just have even <em>more</em> fun putting it back together!" He explained.</p>
      <p>Patrick smiled and nodded at the boy, clearly impressed.</p>
      <p>"The most important thing is that we're all going to be together," Noah continued excitedly, "..and that my Uncle Rafa is now my forever daddy."</p>
      <p>"That really does sound like the <em>most</em> important thing," Patrick agreed with a broad smile.</p>
      <p> </p>
      <p>
        <em>TBC…</em>
      </p>
      <p> </p>
    </div>
  </div>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Only an epilogue left to go now - so almost finished!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
        <em>Three years later...</em>
      </p><p>Olivia walked to the centre of a stage that had been temporarily constructed at the front entrance of their beautiful 18th Century building. She smiled at the small crowd, glanced over at Barba and Fin, then began.</p><p>"Usually my husband has no problem getting up and making the speeches, in fact, he has been known to be rather good at it…" She smiled at Barba and there was a ripple of laughter through their small collection of friends, family, funders and local dignitaries. "However, today he has asked me to do the honors..."</p><p>Barba smiled at her proudly and nodded.</p><p>"Everyone knows the reason we're all here today, so I'm not going to make a big speech. You're here because you listened, you heard the vision that Rafael and I had for this foundation and you stepped up. You gave us your time, you gave us your money and you gave us your influence. It is time to work together as a city to shine a light into the darkness and give voice to those who say enough is enough. Abuse of power is not okay. This foundation aims to give a voice to victims, survivors, their families and their advocates. We also want to serve as a nexus throughout the city, connecting agencies and working toward a future where NO ONE can fall through the cracks because the system wasn't there to catch them."</p><p>Applause rippled through the crowd.</p><p>"If you had asked me four years ago how I saw my future panning out this would not have even been on my radar. Then the unexpected happened, I fell in love with my best friend...and that started a journey that led us all here today."</p><p>She smiled at Barba and there was another ripple of cheers and applause from their friends.</p><p>"Almost two years of development followed by six months of construction and this beautiful old building has finally been converted into the headquarters of a foundation that we believe will help to support survivors of abuse for decades to come."</p><p>"This is a team effort, so I would like to thank my very good friends Odafin Tutuola and Sonny Carisi, both of whom have recently stepped down from their roles within the NYPD. Mr Tutuola will be leading the police liaison division of the foundation and Mr Carisi will be heading the charge in our legal department. I would also like to tip my hat to the current head of the 16th precinct's Special Victims Unit, Lieutenant Amanda Rollins, for your support, cooperation and friendship…we look forward to working alongside you for many years to come."</p><p>Fin and Sonny cheered and whistled as the crowd clapped.</p><p>"Lieutenant Rollins will also be volunteering her time as the chair of our weekly 'Bridge Symposium'. This committee has been set up to support young people leaving our care system and those moving away from an abusive home. Leaving home is a challenge for everyone, and most young people rely on their families long after they come of age, but these teens often have to find their way through this difficult time without the support of a loving family. We want to develop ways to help bridge that gap - protecting our most vulnerable young people from predators, while also supporting their journey and helping them to fulfil their own potential."</p><p>Olivia smiled down at Lucia and Noah, who were both clapping proudly.</p><p>"As this event is about family, in all of its forms, we would now like to invite our own family to join us in cutting the ribbon…" She waited while Lucia, Noah, Sonny, Amanda, Jessie, Billie, Ken and Alejandro all moved up to join them on the stage. Then she moved next to Barba as he put his arm around her and Noah and Lucia lifted a pair of supersized scissors.</p><p>Fin stepped up to the microphone, "Friends, family and people of Manhattan; join me in making a lot of noise for The Porter-Diaz Foundation - supporting survivors and advocates, and working toward a future where <em>everyone</em> has a voice!"</p>
<hr/><p>As the event drew to a close Olivia's eyes widened as she watched Noah leap off the stage. He completely bypassed the steps and then rolled easily into a cartwheel along the sidewalk.</p><p>"Noah!" She gasped with amused exasperation. "You have a show on Saturday, you don't need to hurt yourself by being silly."</p><p>Noah looked back up at her as he adjusted the dance bag on his shoulder. "Sorry, Mom!" His natural smile spread into a grin and Olivia laughed.</p><p>"Do you want some food? There's plenty inside..." She asked her son as she walked down the steps.</p><p>Noah shrugged regretfully, "I have practice with Casey in an hour. Dad's going to take me home to feed Milo and then drop me at the studio." He nodded at his bag, "He packed me some leftover pizza from last night."</p><p>Olivia looked at Barba as he strolled over, "Are you going home after taking Noah?"</p><p>He smiled and leaned in to kiss her. "Casey's dad volunteered to have him for a sleepover after practice, so I thought I'd swing back and pick you up for dinner?"</p><p>"A date night with my gorgeous man? Yummy..." Olivia grinned and leaned to kiss him again.</p><p>"Mom, Dad..." Noah rolled his eyes, "...people <em>can</em> see you!"</p><p>Barba grinned at his son, "You know I'd move heaven and earth for you, Mijo, but I'm never going to stop kissing your mom whenever I feel like it...and that will never stop being every moment of every day<em>...</em>" His mouth turned up into a wry smile and then he leaned in to kiss her again.</p><p>Noah groaned loudly in protest, but then he dipped his head in an attempt to hide his involuntary smile.</p><p>"I'll be less than two hours, if you haven't finished by then I'll help you clean up before we go. Are you sure you don't mind my leaving you with all this?" Barba checked.</p><p>Olivia smiled, "I have plenty of help. I didn't even realise that Noah had an extra rehearsal this week...does that make me a bad mother?"</p><p>Noah laughed, "You've been busy, Mom, that's why I told Dad."</p><p>"My work setting up the department with Sonny has left you with the lion's share of the effort on this opening, mi amor. Cut yourself some slack," he insisted. Then he nodded over at Noah, "Let's go, Milo will be hungry."</p><p>Noah bounced back over and held his arms up to hug his mom, he'd recently had a growth spurt and Olivia was still surprised to find that when she bent a little he could just about stretch up to put his arms around her neck.</p><p>"Love you, mom," Noah said cheerfully, "...Mr Murphy said that he would bring me home tomorrow in time for lunch."</p><p>Barba dropped his arm around Noah's shoulders as he stepped back and directed him toward their car. "Excellent, Mom and I can have a well-earned lie-in," he said happily as they walked away. Then looked back at Olivia and winked.</p>
<hr/><p>When Barba arrived back a while later only Olivia and Fin were left in the building.</p><p>"Here he is," Fin greeted the lawyer with a relaxed smile, "...told ya he hadn't left ya, Liv."</p><p>Barba laughed softly then stepped closer and revealed a bunch of roses from behind his back. "Never in a million years..." he rejoined needlessly and then leaned in to kiss his wife.</p><p>"Ah, if you two are getting all sentimental I'm leavin'," Fin teased, he'd only insisted on waiting with Olivia until Barba arrived.</p><p>"Thanks for today, Fin, you're a lifesaver," Olivia said affectionately as she stepped up next to Barba and they watched him walk to the exit.</p><p>"See you guys on Monday!" He called back over his shoulder as he departed.</p><p>"So...?" Olivia asked and wrapped her arms around Barba.</p><p>"I was thinking Forlini's, for old times sake? I haven't booked anywhere..." Barba suggested.</p><p>"Perfect," she smiled. "Actually, before we leave..." Olivia put down her flowers on a nearby table, then pulled out her phone, adjusted the lights in the small conference space to a warm glow and then opened her Spotify app and played some soft music through the wall speakers. "I want you alone for a few minutes. Dance with me?"</p><p>"Always..." Barba replied and held her in his arms as they began to sway.</p><p> </p><p>
        <em>
          <strong>THE END</strong>
        </em>
      </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I enjoyed this one - but time to wrap it up and send them off into the sunset :)<br/>Thanks for all the lovely comments! x</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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